I don't even know where to begin but I think I need some help picking apart my feelings before I explode. I have been with DH for 11 years this summer, married for 8. 2 DDs, my older DD 17 from previous relationship, and our DD 8.
My DH is a kind and caring man, he is a good dad, he is considerate towards me, doesn't go out, has never cheated, does his fair share of the housework etc. We don't argue and I would describe our relationship as good on a day to day basis.
BUT, he has worked in the same job (think unskilled, outdoor type job, quite weather dependent) for the entire time we have been together and there is no sign of it changing - he doesn't earn much more than what he did 11 years ago when we met and our income is CONSTANTLY affected by the weather. To give him his due, he is often up early (5am) and works long days but the reality is he very rarely earns a full weeks wages BECAUSE WHEN DO WE EVER GET A FULL WEEK OF DRY WEATHER IN THE UK! His friends locally are all starting to get to the point of doing better in their jobs, having mortgages and better cars. Not that I'm bothered about that sort of stuff really but I am tired of struggling all the time.
From my point of view, when we met I was in the final year of my degree. We then had DD and I worked part time for a bit - at this point I decided against training to be a teacher and now I work in the NHS - my pay isn't amazing but I have the option to pick up extra shifts which I often do and am now in the position where I am certainly earning more than my DH. I often attend training and can see that I will be able to work myself up to better paid positions over the coming years.
This week, after the few bits and bobs that have had to be paid for, DH has £100 left which is meant to have to see us through for a week. This is a regular occurrence when we have a rainy week and puts us back constantly. It means I am now probably going to have to pick up an extra shift tomorrow after I have worked all week. We are meant to be saving for a holiday in August, not one penny has been put back, it will be me working extra shifts that pays for the bulk of it I expect.
Just for clarity I have a horse which I know is classed as an expensive hobby although I keep it as low cost as possible, and I have a large (cheap and old!) 4x4 to tow her around with. But I pay for that out of all the extra shifts I work and feel entitled to it, my main wages go in the joint account for bills, food etc and I don't really touch them.
We have had conversations in the recent past (arguments!) where I have said I am unhappy with this situation and didn't think that after 11 years nothing would have changed where he has said he will try harder, but here we are again skint because he hasn't worked enough. It's actually his birthday on Monday too and we can't afford to go out or anything this weekend. It's just a bit sad really ☹️
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Relationships
DH and his lack of ambition
221 replies
poppiesinafield · 08/06/2019 08:22
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