Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Slip of the tongue or dumpable offence?

114 replies

ncforareason8 · 05/06/2019 15:06

Boyfriend of six weeks made a stupid joke about his ex girlfriend.

For context, we had been talking about past relationships and I asked him about his last relationship, and why it ended.

He replied that it was because the only thing they had in common was great sex but not much else.

Then, the first time we were about to dtd, I asked him to use a condom. He said of course he would but I had nothing to worry about STD wise (I’m on the pill) because he’d got himself tested after his last relationship ended. So I asked him when that was and he said 6 months ago. Then he said “don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten how to do it”! Hmm

AIBU to think that these are stupid things to say to a new girlfriend? After his last gaff we never even dtd in the end because I went right out of the mood.

Am I being overly sensitive or is he a bumbling buffoon?

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 05/06/2019 15:08

Um, I think you're being overly sensitive and he's not a bumbling buffoon. But I also think that if this kind of talk about sex makes you uncomfortable it's perfectly reasonable to think he's not the one for you and move on. I mean, I'd take a comment like that as a joke. But if it's a joke you don't find funny, then move on.

Holdthedamndoor · 05/06/2019 15:09

Where is the joke about his ex girlfriend?

I am not sure I see the issue?

He made a joke about it being 6 months since he last had sex?

I think you are being over sensitive.

TooTrueToBeGood · 05/06/2019 15:11

The only issue I see is trusting a new partner who says they're STD free. Just don't.

The rest, you're being overly sensitive IMHO.

Moralitym1n1 · 05/06/2019 15:11

“don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten how to do it”!

I don't really see what's offensive about that. It's a bit of a weak joke but aside from that, what's so offensive. It's quite good to know someone's been celibate for 6 months instead of being out hooking up with anyone they got the chance with.

Whisky2014 · 05/06/2019 15:12

I think it's not that big a deal but I would definitely make sure you both get tested to be safe. The "don't worry I haven't forgotten" is just a joke thing not that bad.

mamaoffourdc · 05/06/2019 15:12

He was nervous - give the guy a break!

MiraculousMarinette · 05/06/2019 15:13

I cannot see at all what the issue is with either of those comments to be honest Confused

Original poster
ncforareason8 · 05/06/2019 15:13

Ok, it seems I’m being over sensitive.

The thing is though, why on earth would I want to know that he had “great sex” with his ex? What if he is less than satisfied in bed with me? I jut think it’s not out a lot of pressure on me to match up to his “great sex life” with his ex.

Also, he might not have forgotten his to do it with HER but he hasn’t even begun to get to know ME sexually.

OP posts:
Moralitym1n1 · 05/06/2019 15:14

As to the ex comment, yeah that is s but buffoon-y/inappropriate - because the other person naturally thinks about them and ex having sex (which they'd rather not) and thinks "oh great, I have to try to live up to that, do I".

It's actually not a compliment to the ex or the relationship, but it's still one to be avoided.

LL83 · 05/06/2019 15:14

Wow. Yabvu. Nothing upsetting in either of those comments.

RantyAnty · 05/06/2019 15:14

He's kind of a buffoon.

He pretty much admitted using his ex gf for sex.

Can he show you the results of the STD test he supposedly had?

Original poster
ncforareason8 · 05/06/2019 15:14

I meant that he may not have forgotten how to please HER in bed but I’m a whole new person so he needs to get to know ME.

OP posts:
Moralitym1n1 · 05/06/2019 15:15

How would he feel if you said " all I had with my ex was the amazing fucking" - not super comfortable and happy, I'm guessing.

LL83 · 05/06/2019 15:15

The second comment of "not forgotten how to do it" is a joke and not a reference to ex at all.

Redglitter · 05/06/2019 15:15

You're massively over reacting to a total non event. What he said was really neither a slip of the tongue or a dump able offence & I cant see any relevance to his ex

He made a joke about how long its been since he had sex. So what? I'm totally lost as to what the issue is

Moralitym1n1 · 05/06/2019 15:16

Also std tests don't show dormant HPV or herpes, do they?

IvanaPee · 05/06/2019 15:16

What??

God you sound like hard work! Don’t be surprised if he runs for the hills 😂

If he posted on here that’s exactly what he’d be told to do!

Babyduck3 · 05/06/2019 15:17

I think your been very sensitive.
Although I understand you thinking you have something to live up to after the great sex comment, talk to him about it and tell him how that comment made you feel, I'm sure he will reassure you and make you feel better.

Whisky2014 · 05/06/2019 15:17

Oh for God's sake. CHILL OUT. You're looking for a reason to be annoyed with him.

FriarTuck · 05/06/2019 15:18

Definitely over sensitive. And he's merely saying that while the sex was good (a bit of bigging himself up) they had nothing else in common i.e. you two do have stuff in common so it will be a long happy relationship (except it obviously won't now). If you'd said you were looking forward to a cycling weekend he might have said he'd not been on a bike for 6 months but don't worry, he could still remember how to - it's as deep and meaningful as that!! An attempt at humour around a potentially sensitive subject.

MohairMenace · 05/06/2019 15:18

I read them as low level, harmless jokes, I like him! You don’t need an excuse to go off him though, if you’re not feeling his humour you’re well within your rights to call things off.

LL83 · 05/06/2019 15:18

Great sex being only connection with ex shows he is over it and they weren't compatible and that he prioritises other qualities over great sex.

It would make me a little insecure about our sex life but not the worst comment.

HappyMama01 · 05/06/2019 15:19

Jfc I bet you're a barrel of laughs. Hmm

FriarTuck · 05/06/2019 15:19

And you asked him about the ex so it's not like he felt the need to talk about the great sex he'd had - he was answering you!

FuckMNDoubleStandards · 05/06/2019 15:21

Yea you sound like extremely hard work, nothing you have said even warrants further thought. As someone else said, don't be surprised if he runs soon.