Slip of the tongue or dumpable offence?

[ncforareason8]

Boyfriend of six weeks made a stupid joke about his ex girlfriend.

For context, we had been talking about past relationships and I asked him about his last relationship, and why it ended.

He replied that it was because the only thing they had in common was great sex but not much else.

Then, the first time we were about to dtd, I asked him to use a condom. He said of course he would but I had nothing to worry about STD wise (I’m on the pill) because he’d got himself tested after his last relationship ended. So I asked him when that was and he said 6 months ago. Then he said “don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten how to do it”!

AIBU to think that these are stupid things to say to a new girlfriend? After his last gaff we never even dtd in the end because I went right out of the mood.

Am I being overly sensitive or is he a bumbling buffoon?

Sounds like a great conversation to have as you are literally just about to have sex for the first time!

Didn’t you discuss this before then?

So I asked him when that was and he said 6 months ago. Then he said “don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten how to do it”!

That's the kind of thing I would say, except possibly more graphically. The "great sex" comment is a bit and although potential boyfriends know I'm not a virgin, I wouldn't tell go into any detail at all. First time with a new person is a first time with them after all.

Personally I wouldn't dump him for either comment but if you want to OP that's your call. An ex of mine told me I was amongst his top 3 shags. I mean A. don't rank us and B. if you do, just say I'm no. 1. He's an ex for a reason.

Tbh if you’re this delicate I’m not sure you’re ready for a sexual relationship.

Fun sponge

Claw01 yeah I was thinking that

OP do you really like him? Do you get on well talking? Sounds like this brought out some insecurity in you

I wouldn’t be put off. Also when he says he had amazing sex with the ex, it may just be that the bar is quite low and he’s easily pleased.

He said he had great sex with his ex, implying he is a great lay, not that his ex is.

greydayatmosphere
No, I’ve never been like that with friends, there is much less at stake in friendship than in sexual relationships for me.

I wanted a “soulmate”( though I never expressed it like that) and I got one, almost 20 years of great relationship now. I knew that I’d know when I met him, and I did. All my barriers fell away and it all worked.

different people want different things from relationship, and that’s how it worked for me. I instinctively knew how to go about looking for the partner I wanted.

frownette glad I wasn’t the only one! Doesn’t sound very passionate to have a full blown conversation as foreplay!

What are your ages OP?

Great sex takes two, imo. That why I think it was tmi.

If he'd said his ex was terrible in bed would you have been happier?

I feel sorry for the guy. He's done nothing wrong. He enjoys good sex, fairly typical of most men.

Are you afraid you don't match up?

I really wouldn’t worry about this. When OH and I met and started dating we had the whole ‘why did your last relationship end?’ chat, and talked about our prior sex lives (stuff like what we like, don’t like, haven’t tried but would like to etc), and he told me that the sex with his ex was insane but they probably did it so much cos they didn’t have a lot else in common or to talk about other than sex. Have to admit it didn’t bother me, I’ve had amazing sex before too, because he and I had off the charts sexual chemistry that was so incredible I truly believed that for us both it was the best we’d ever had (and if I’m wrong and it was with his ex then meh, what we have is brilliant and he can’t exactly change or help it if it was better with someone else, what matters is how good we are together). So I wasn’t insecure as it was crystal clear how into me he was (and not only sexually).

I think just let it go. You sound quite jealous of his past. Maybe tell him you don’t really want the gory details of his prior sex life if you like but don’t make this a big deal. It’s fine to say you and your ex only had great sex and nothing else. Everyone knows everyone has had sex before them, he was just discussing compatibility and why it failed.

Would you rather he'd said the relationship ended because he shagged her sister, she wouldn't pay for everything, or he hated her family?

I can't even see what the problem is here.
He's obviously talking about sex in general, not sex specifically with his ex. You can't be upset that he has had sex with past partners.
I can't see that he's done anything wrong.

Blimey, you need to give your head a wobble. The poor bloke didn't say anything wrong!
I don't know how old you are or sexually experienced but you sound very young and naive.
Give him a break!

I think he sounds like a buffoon. That's the kind of thing Boris Johnson would say, arf-arfing, as he stepped out of his Y-fronts.

Good grief. This poor guy must be so confused. He has done nothing wrong. You need to stop probing him about his ex if you're too sensitive to hear the answers to your questions. It sounds like you want him to say that he broke up with her because he was waiting for you to come along and rock his world and she just wasn't good enough for him. It's like fishing for compliments. You will drive him away very quickly if you don't get a grip.

What's wrong with knowing a partner had great sex? I can't imagine ever being that possessive over a person that I have to convince myself I'm the only good shag they've ever had, or ever will have. How sad.

You asked why his last relationship ended. He told you. You're mad at his response? atleast he's honest is all I can say, it's admirable.
I'd much prefer that than some pissy Shakespeare style response of how "thy weren't loving thee correctly and separation was a necessacity, woe for thee who hast been broken hearted"
do not correct my crap example

Chill OP, he sounds funny and you are being very insecure.