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Original poster

Slip of the tongue or dumpable offence?

114 replies

ncforareason8 · 05/06/2019 15:06

Boyfriend of six weeks made a stupid joke about his ex girlfriend.

For context, we had been talking about past relationships and I asked him about his last relationship, and why it ended.

He replied that it was because the only thing they had in common was great sex but not much else.

Then, the first time we were about to dtd, I asked him to use a condom. He said of course he would but I had nothing to worry about STD wise (I’m on the pill) because he’d got himself tested after his last relationship ended. So I asked him when that was and he said 6 months ago. Then he said “don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten how to do it”! Hmm

AIBU to think that these are stupid things to say to a new girlfriend? After his last gaff we never even dtd in the end because I went right out of the mood.

Am I being overly sensitive or is he a bumbling buffoon?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2019 15:25

OP if you don't like him, dump him.

The "just great sex" was probably more honesty than you needed, perhaps nerves and didn't want to bore you with a long tirade on what went wrong. But at least you know he's looking for more than good sex from your relationship.

The "not forgot" comment, unless said in a sarcastic / nasty tone really isn't a "thing", it's clearly a joke not an assumption that you will lie there and do what his ex did and like the same things. Maybe he's nervous it's been so long he'll last 3 seconds from over excitement.

But you don't have to have sex with him or date him if you dislike him as much as it seems

SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2019 15:26

Also the appropriate comment to "I gabemt forgot" is something about "well you better show me then" or "ooh promises promises" or"well you've still got a lot to learn about me 😏😏"
Not to demand he puts his pants on and leave.

Original poster
ncforareason8 · 05/06/2019 15:27

Great sex being only connection with ex shows he is over it and they weren't compatible and that he prioritises other qualities over great sex.

It would make me a little insecure about our sex life but not the worst comment.

This exactly.

I would be mortified if that were the case. I don’t want to think of him having “great sex” with his ex whilst ours is mediocre but have other things in common

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2019 15:28

OP are yo u sure you're ready for a relationship?

Tallulahstightsaretight · 05/06/2019 15:28

Out of curiosity did he say both of these things in the same conversation or at different times?
Either way your being overly sensitive you asked a question and got an answer it’s unfortunate that great sex was the only thing that he mentioned but at least he was honest as for the other comment build a bridge…

Holdthedamndoor · 05/06/2019 15:30

And yet it was after the 'just great sex' that she found herself in bed with him.

That comment obviously didnt bother her that much.

And a relationship just based on good sex doesnt mean he was using her at all. She very well may think the same and been perfectly happy with that at the time.

FriarTuck · 05/06/2019 15:30

He hasn't had sex in 6 months - I'd assume he'd count any sex as 'great' Grin

Illberidingshotgun · 05/06/2019 15:32

TBH, I would see the comment about great sex as a positive, he has indicated that despite the fact that they gelled physically, he was looking for more from a relationship than just that.

The 6 month thing is probably just him feeling awkward about having sex for the first time with someone new, it doesn't seem a big deal.

However if you have concerns about the potential relationship, you've only been seeing him for 6 weeks, so end it if you're not feeling comfortable. It can only have been a handful of dates so far.

If you do have sex with him, use a condom regardless of what he says!

Aquamarine1029 · 05/06/2019 15:32

It really doesn't seem you two are suited for each other. If his form of humour riles you up this much it will never work. Cut your losses and move on.

Holdthedamndoor · 05/06/2019 15:32

Great sex being only connection with ex shows he is over it and they weren't compatible and that he prioritises other qualities over great sex.

I don't agree with this at all. Lots of people (both men and women) are sometimes happy with just great sex and are not looking for a deeper connection at that time.

Doesnt mean they always prioritise great sex or that it cant be great sex if there is a deeper connection.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2019 15:34

And yet it was after the 'just great sex' that she found herself in bed with him. That comment obviously didnt bother her that much

I think it was seperate occasions. So dressed no touching, why did you break up with your gf?

Then seperate named conversation on different day "put a condom on. When did you last have sex?" "6 months ago, I still know how to do it". "how dare you, put your penis away"

SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2019 15:35

Naked not named

Dvg · 05/06/2019 15:35

Nope i think you have taken this out of proportion. It was a joke and to be honest i would have giggled.

AbsentmindedWoman · 05/06/2019 15:37

It sounds honest and I'd like that he didn't criticise the ex. Simply nothing else in common.

You're overreacting. I doubt very much that his mild joke means he seriously thought shagging you would be exactly like shagging his ex, unless there's other stuff he's said that hint at him believing women all have the same buttons to push like some kind of sex robot doll.

donotcovertheradiator · 05/06/2019 15:38

I think it's a dumpable offence and I would urge him to dump you-humourless, over sensitive, prying and touchy- as fast as he possibly can.

Whisky2014 · 05/06/2019 15:38

So basically, you're insecure. Maybe work on that first.

happybunny007 · 05/06/2019 15:38

It sounds like you’re not very sexually confident, and so he has touched a nerve, is that right?

Whisky2014 · 05/06/2019 15:39

Oh and don't ask questions if you don't want to know the answer.

AryaStarkWolf · 05/06/2019 15:41

I mean you literally asked him?

You need to seriously chill out

KOKOtiltomorrow · 05/06/2019 15:42

@ncforareason8....YABU. He is entitled to have great sex if not in a relationship, not forgetting how to do it was possibly his trying to tell you he would be “good at it”. I get you don’t want to think about him having a fab time with someone else but agree with PP that it sounds like he’s looking for more.

LL83 · 05/06/2019 15:42

@Holdthedamndoor

If they wanted "just great sex" then they would still be together.

Saying "just great sex" suggests only great sex and that it isn't enough for him (realise that is what is some people want which is also fine if neither wants more)

Lovemusic33 · 05/06/2019 15:44

I did not see the issue. He was being honest about his last relationship? I have been out with men that are great in bed but that’s all that’s good about them. I don’t think he was making a joke out of it, was just honest.

I have just split up with someone (after a couple months dating) who loved telling me about his previous relationships but as soon as I mentioned any of mine he would get all stroppy, it was fine for him to talk about how upset he was when his ex dumped him or how great his first gf was in bed but I couldn’t even mention eating a meal with my ex 🤣

nespressowoo · 05/06/2019 15:45

Calm down! Poor bloke!

mumofwantwomany · 05/06/2019 15:45

What? I read the first post and thought the 'joke' must have been omitted from it and posted later Confused

Jaxhog · 05/06/2019 15:47

why on earth would I want to know that he had “great sex” with his ex?

He's boasting, because he's worried you might be disappopinted. That way it won't be his fault if you are. It's an insecure man thing.

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