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Original poster

Slip of the tongue or dumpable offence?

114 replies

ncforareason8 · 05/06/2019 15:06

Boyfriend of six weeks made a stupid joke about his ex girlfriend.

For context, we had been talking about past relationships and I asked him about his last relationship, and why it ended.

He replied that it was because the only thing they had in common was great sex but not much else.

Then, the first time we were about to dtd, I asked him to use a condom. He said of course he would but I had nothing to worry about STD wise (I’m on the pill) because he’d got himself tested after his last relationship ended. So I asked him when that was and he said 6 months ago. Then he said “don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten how to do it”! Hmm

AIBU to think that these are stupid things to say to a new girlfriend? After his last gaff we never even dtd in the end because I went right out of the mood.

Am I being overly sensitive or is he a bumbling buffoon?

OP posts:
mumofwantwomany · 05/06/2019 15:48

You left his house because - why exactly? Him saying the sex was good with his ex or him saying "don't worry I haven't forgotten how to do it"?
If it was the latter I don't why that provoked such a massive reaction, and if the former - he's had sex with other people before he met you and he's enjoyed it. Doesn't mean he won't enjoy sex with you as well.
All this after six weeks? Jheez...

Smiggleiscrap · 05/06/2019 15:49

You sound like my insanely jealous ex.

The “great sex” comment is exactly the kind of thing that would have riled him up, while I was left wondering what exactly I’d done wrong, then having to explain and defend the comment afterwards... as it would have made him feel insecure and then he would have got upset as I “should have known” the thought of me having sex with someone else would upset him. Exhausting.

Maybe you should find yourself a man who has never had a sexual partner before? Less to get worked up about then.

Costacoffeeplease · 05/06/2019 15:51

I feel a bit sorry for him, you’ve obviously never met any real twats if you think this is dumpable

MaiaRindell · 05/06/2019 15:53

I read this as him trying to impress you in a jokey way with his prowess. He wants you to think he is experienced and skilled. I think maybe he was just nervous.

Ohyesiam · 05/06/2019 15:53

I don’t think you two are compatible.

It sounds like you need to be completely “ seen” and understood by a partner. I get that.

It’s like they see where your sensitivities are and know how to handle them. And when they do, everything falls into place, you relax and it all works.
It’s a high level of connection you’re after.

If that’s what you need to make a relationship work, hold out for it. I did and I got a fantastic man. Smile

EvacuateTheCardinals · 05/06/2019 15:55

If you do dump him over this then he's had a lucky escape. You sound like hard work.

Lorddenning1 · 05/06/2019 15:55

I think you need chill out, u asked him a question and he answered, very honestly by your account, if you think you wont like the answer to a question and you think you cant handle it, then dont ask him!
you seem like hard work to me

MorondelaFrontera · 05/06/2019 15:56

good grief, I hope for him he runs a mile!

MissConductUS · 05/06/2019 15:57

After his last gaff we never even dtd in the end because I went right out of the mood.

So you still have not dtd? How long have you been seeing each other?

I think he was just poking fun at his own period of celibacy. If that was enough to put you off you probably aren't that interested or you're a bit insecure.

I went out with a guy who said that the worst sex he ever had was fabulous. You don't have to fall off the moon every time.

NameChangeNugget · 05/06/2019 15:58

You sound hard work

NottonightJosepheen · 05/06/2019 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/06/2019 16:02

Perhaps it was the ex-girlfriend who ended the relationship, not him? In which case they'd still be having 'great sex'.

OP, do you think you might be a rebound? Is that why you're sensitive and needing so much reassurance? That would be understandable to me.

wednesday32 · 05/06/2019 16:05

You asked him about his previous relationship and he opened up and was completely honest about it. I can't see the issue here.

Holdthedamndoor · 05/06/2019 16:05

SleepingStandingUp yes separate conversations. The one about his ex being the first one. And OP still intended to sleep with him on a different occasion after this one.

So that in itself cant have bothered her that much.

It's his poor joke. Which was aimed at himself.

I can't see a joke about the ex at all, either.

NottonightJosepheen · 05/06/2019 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CustardySergeant · 05/06/2019 16:07

I can't see what he's done/said wrong myself. Confused

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 05/06/2019 16:12

Great sex being only connection with ex shows he is over it and they weren't compatible and that he prioritises other qualities over great sex.

This ^^ I think he was giving you a a very clumsy compliment! Unlike his ex, he enjoys your company as a friend as well as a lover, in other words, he's really into you. Smile All he had with his ex was sex, but with you, he has sex and much more.

mumofwantwomany · 05/06/2019 16:12

Why did you ask him about his last relationship if you didn't want to know the answer?

bongsuhan · 05/06/2019 16:12

"He replied that it was because the only thing they had in common was great sex but not much else."

He is literally saying that "great sex" is not his top priority in a relationship. How is this off??

Mrsmadevans · 05/06/2019 16:14

He sounds like a great bloke

Jux · 05/06/2019 16:15

It doesn't sound like you're ready for a relationship. Have you had a 'proper' bf before, or are you perhaps very young?

BumbleBeee69 · 05/06/2019 16:15

Nobody likes to think of their partner having sex with someone else, and your partner talks about this quite openly, that I believe made you feel uncomfortable. Flowers

mumofwantwomany · 05/06/2019 16:17

The fact is, though, people have sex and relationships previously and they shouldn't have to hide that fact. People should be mature enough to accept that before getting into a relationship. If they're not maybe they're not ready for a relationship

Cheeseandwin5 · 05/06/2019 16:18

Have to agree with some of the others, you are either very new to relationships (of any kind) , very insecure or insanely jealous. Either way if you dont change your attitude you will pour misery on your self, him and the relationship as a whole.

greydayatmosphere · 05/06/2019 16:19

It sounds like you need to be completely “ seen” and understood by a partner. I get that

It’s like they see where your sensitivities are and know how to handle them. And when they do, everything falls into place, you relax and it all works.
It’s a high level of connection you’re after.

Sorry this sounds like my extremely sensitive ex-friend who I ended up nervous after every time I met her because I was worried I had inadvertently said something that upset her and she would berate me for it later. You cant' expect people to have psychic levels of attunement with you. Sometimes you have to accept the upset is your issue that you have to deal with.