DH has secret FB profile

[Namechangepickle]

Namechanged. Just found a profile that his him on suggested friends. Haha the power of FB!!
Been live for 7 years. He doesn’t have a normal one. This one it seems is for talking to young ladies around the world. He travels on his own regularly. He’s put a different hometown and career and mentions our boys but not me. I could see some messages but no PMs it seems he likes to chat and maybe meet for no strings. We are 26 years married And about to become grandparents. I’m 10 years younger and much fitter than him. Marriage fine, not perfect but no sex for many years. Mostly his health issues. I’m 56 this year and have wonderful job, he’s semi retired. I am not prepared to give up my life and everything I’ve worked so hard for. I think I can tolerate it if it’s overseas and not affecting me but just need to examine my feelings.
He is a good man and has missed sex so I kind of understand
But I’m just a bit disgusted. It’s so cliched. Respect lost. Just needed to vent.

To be clear, do you think he has had sex with other women? If he has "missed sex" so much, but the lack of it is due to his health issues, why do you think this is okay?

So what is attracting these 'young ladies' to a 66 year old bloke who can't perform sexually?

I don’t know and it’s a fair question. We stopped having sex a few years ago and Im really not bothered. Menopause etc. I haven’t missed it. We’ve always been quite an independent but close couple. No-one that knows us would believe this. Its so sordid

I’m not sure they are attracted to him. But they almost exclusively from the Far East

I am also wondering how his health issues have stopped him having sex with you but not other women. Will you speak to him about it?

I understand that you don't want to Lose what you have worked for but will you e able to stay with him if you have lost respect for him?

I think that is what @Queenofthecroneage means - is it likely that he is paying these young women for sex?

Is he using sex workers?

You are prepared to tolerate it, really OP? That’ll eat you up in time. Also, you say he’s 66 and they’re “young ladies” so with respect, what are they getting out of it? I think he’s paying for it. Sorry OP, you must be in shock to suggest tolerating that.

Quite possibly he could be paying them. I’m not that naive as to think they would fall at his feet.
I’m trying to arrange my thoughts. I’m thinking about our boys, mostly grown. I feel like I don’t want them to lose respect for him.
We have such a good life and he got through cancer 3 years ago.
He’s currently snoozing beside me on the sofa completely oblivious.
I know what I would tell someone else to do but what if he gets ill again??? Appreciate you listening

Tefiti2 Yep!

Young Far Eastern ladies. Almost certainly being paid for whatever services. He's probably exploiting vulnerable young women - and you're ok with that?

Absolutely not ok with exploitation of course.
Honestly I don’t know what to think. I feel sick

It’s all very well saying that OP shouldn’t tolerate it. But what do you suggest she does about it? If she doesn’t want to have sex with her DH herself, what is the poor bloke to do? Live like a celibate monk for the rest of his life? Take up porn and wanking? Or just continue having discreet liaisons while abroad?
It seems to me the present arrangement works ok. He isn’t going to give OP any STIs if they never have sex with each other.

Being a cancer survivor does not give Western men the right to buy young women abroad. How would you feel if some old letch was paying your boys for sexual favours?

Paying sex workers is not having 'discreet liasions'. He doesn't have sex with OP? Oh that makes it all ok then.

We have such a good life

It's not real though.

Real, true and honest, that's what makes a good life. Not fake profiles and fancy curtains.

If she doesn’t want to have sex with her DH herself, what is the poor bloke to do?

Oh I know, poor man

I know it’s not ok, I really do. I just don’t know what to do.

Pretty awful but you won't be the first or last to turn a blind eye.

I once heard it described for younger women who ignored it as high class prostitution.

There is nothing high class about this, MarieG10 just another old sex tourist.

I'm so sorry that your DH has been lying to you. I understand why you are confused. I think other posters don't been to sound harsh on you, more harsh on him. We all just want you to question what is really going on, out of respect for yourself.

*don't mean

Er, you need an sti check. Quick smart.

This will eat you up if you try to carry on without discussing it with him. I would take to him about it. You sound very reasonable which leads to me question why he has been deceitful about this. The lies and possible exploitation make this far worse than if you had discussed it and agreed on an open relationship.

If you feel it's appropriate, please speak to him.

Oh, what do you want?

It’s ok, I didn’t expect this to be a walk in the park
I’m disgusted with him .
We have boys the age of the girls he was chatting to. Nothing sexual, just chatty.
But it’s vile and creepy. Our youngest is doing a levels next year. The older boys have left home. We could both survive apart. House is paid for and if we split we could buy 2 much smaller properties. But I don’t know if thats what I want.