Have been married for 25 years, 2 kids age 11 and 14.
My husband is generally a good man, he has tried to provide us with everything we want, built his world around us and works hard. I don't hate him.
However he is paranoid. All through our relationship he has wanted to know where I am at all times (to keep me safe!). He wants my passwords, he wants to monitor my SM, he wants me to say I regret any past relationships, he doesn't want me to see friends from when I was in past relationships etc etc. There is also some sex stuff that I wont go into here.
I should have stood up to him a long time ago, but each time these things come up he threatens to leave and as we work together and have the kids it isn't simple and I back down.
It came to a head again 2 weeks ago and he accused me of having an emotional affair by text. I denied it BUT I am not blameless here, someone had been texting me and it got flirty. I enjoyed the attention and it has helped me feel upbeat and desirable.
He said I couldn't have male friends and couldn't be trusted until I reassured him more. I said it was ridiculous and he said he would leave me. I let him.
Now he is having a complete meltdown. Saying he can't cope without me, having emotional conversations with the kids (I have told him its inappropriate in no uncertain terms), crying, making drs appts (that's a good idea), saying he will change, saying how much he loves me all the time...and I am hating it. I felt nothing but relief when he left. Is that bad?
He has talked to my family and they are telling me he is genuinely a broken man and we should seek a resolution together and that our kids will be badly affected.
I don't want to be married. I have to talk to him but how do you talk to someone who is so wretched? I am feeling horribly guilty because he genuinely isn't horrible but is very paranoid and unstable it seems.
Sorry about the train of thought...any help appreciated.