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Original poster

‘D’h wants to try again but won’t shag me

115 replies

BrainScience · 26/05/2019 00:03

I’ve been through a pretty rough time recently. Dh and I bought a house at the beginning of the year, two weeks after dh left me. Not really a surprise, we hadn’t had sex for 3 years.

Now dh wants to try again, but take things slow. He wants us to start over and date again. So tonight he took me out for drinks, we had dinner and a good time. We came home and I attempted to kiss him. Which is apparently me rushing him and he told me he wants to take it slow.

I’ve been rejected continually for the last 3 years. I can’t do this again and I feel so humiliated that he convinced that this is what he wants. He has a very traditional upbringing and it’s so obvious he’s only stayed with me as I’m what his parents wanted from a dil.

It’s not fair. It’s been 12 years of my life. I’m mid 30’s now, I’ve wasted the best years of my life trying to convince a man who just isn’t interested to shag me. I just give up.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 26/05/2019 00:04

DOnt waste any more time on him.

Whoops75 · 26/05/2019 00:05

Do please give up and live a better life.

X

JenMumma · 26/05/2019 00:07

Fuck. Him. Off. The you of today will thank the you of 3 years time xx

JenMumma · 26/05/2019 00:08

Fgs STRIKE THAT. Reverse it 🙄 💐

donajimena · 26/05/2019 00:08

Trust me you haven't wasted your years. But carrying on with the knowledge you have now WILL be a waste. Bin him off.

sincethereis · 26/05/2019 00:10

He doesn’t owe it to you to have sex with you. No1 has a right to sex.

He either has some sort of medical issue or simply doesn’t find you attractive enough to want to have sex with.

I suspect the latter is true.

End it - you deserve better.

Summerorjustmaybe · 26/05/2019 00:15

My exh didn't want sex either.
He did shag my ll when I moved out though...
Ll was called Keith...

nocoolnamesleft · 26/05/2019 00:38

If the upbringing was so traditional...he's not gay, and trying to repress it, is he?

EileenAlanna · 26/05/2019 03:33

Don't waste any more of your precious time on him. Whatever his problems are they're his, not yours. It'd entirely possible as other PP has said that he's gay. Again, not your problem & definitely not a "problem" you can fix in your marriage.

soarin · 26/05/2019 04:18

I'm thinking gay too

Skittlesandbeer · 26/05/2019 04:30

You’ve given this situation enough of your precious time and energy.

It’s not weak to cut ties and admit you’ve done your best to no avail. It’s a strong thing. Years spent ‘dangling and hoping’ are quite damaging to your future mental health.

There’s likely someone out there for you, someone without these damaging hang ups. Even if there isn’t, you won’t have to spend every day in limbo, and that feels just lovely and freeing!

RiversDisguise · 26/05/2019 04:32

I think he enjoys making you unhappy.

mathanxiety · 26/05/2019 05:05

Probably gay. If not, then too precious for words.

Dump him.

Life is too short.

EffYouSeeKaye · 26/05/2019 05:06

My friend had a husband who wouldn’t shag her. Every reason under the sun was given - too old, too tired, work stress, money stress. Years of therapy, stalling and misery.

Left her to shag someone else.

Don’t waste your time.

HennyPennyHorror · 26/05/2019 05:08

Yes....probably gay. Why should you live a lie? Get the house on the market and move on. You're still young....there's a better man out there for you.

Seniorschoolmum · 26/05/2019 05:12

I agree with pp. sounds like he’s gay. Also profoundly selfish. Don’t waste another second on him.

You deserve much better.

floraloctopus · 26/05/2019 05:15

I think gay too.

YouJustDoYou · 26/05/2019 05:25

Sounds gay. Woman or man, a healthy relationship can't exist without sex. People aren't entitled to cheat but they are entitled to leave if they aren't happy and nothings improving.

LellyMcKelly · 26/05/2019 05:45

I had one of those. He turned out to be gay. I suspect he married me because I was ‘perfect on paper’.

Pinkvoid · 26/05/2019 05:59

Agreed that he is probably gay and you are his disguise. Don’t do it to yourself anymore, you are worth more.

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 26/05/2019 06:24

If you feel like you’ve wasted 12 years, certainly don’t waste anymore. It doesn’t matter what the reason is, what matters is how you feel. Move on and find someone lovely who desires you.

Grainedmonkey · 26/05/2019 06:24

OP had it ever occurred to you that he might be gay ? did he offer up any explanation for not wanting to have sex

NauseousMum · 26/05/2019 06:58

He doesn't want to try again because he's refusing to address your relationships biggest issue. He's doing what looks right and still feels right for him. He's not thinking of your needs at all, only himself.

Don't waste more time on him.

ViolentBrutishAndShort · 26/05/2019 08:02

What they said

Langrish · 26/05/2019 08:04

Is it just me who’s uncomfortable with “shag” in the context of what OP seems to want to become a loving relationship?
Maybe.

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