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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help...I’m on my hen do and In tears

140 replies

Lacey2019 · 25/05/2019 07:27

Hello all,

I have been on these forums before as I was unhappy in my relationship as my gut feeling just told me it wasn’t right. We broke up and then got back together but in my head In the lead up to the hen, I’ve known this isn’t what I want anymore. I’ve been up since 6am just feeling sick and have 2 more days away with everyone. I get married 3 months today & I genuinely feel unwell at the prospect.

Please can people advise me :(. I can’t just go home on Monday and leave as that’s a terrible thing after such a well planned hen do & I worry about losing my friends. I have accepted that I’ll lose his family regardless.

I’m so lost & heartbroken

OP posts:
Apolloanddaphne · 04/06/2019 11:22

It's okay to be upset. You are allowed to mourn for what might have been. However it once you are feeling stronger you will see this was the right thing to do. He would only have become more abusive. Thanks

FuriousVexation · 04/06/2019 11:38

I don't want to be that bitch, but... I'm going to be that bitch
Crying all fucking night? In the bathroom? Bitch at least go downstairs and sleep on the sofa
Medical fact: your body cannot keep producing tears for more than about 20 minutes

FuriousVexation · 04/06/2019 11:39

And well done you for getting rid! The next few days will be hard, but you will be in a happier place after

Echobelly · 04/06/2019 11:47

When it comes to other people, they are talking about one day/weekend - you, however, are facing the rest of your life. No true friend will hold calling off the wedding against you. It sounds your your ex knew it wasn't the right thing, even if he yelled at you afterwards.

It is a big step, but remember it's not just right for you, you are doing right by him by not saying 'I do' when you really don't want to.

I hope you both find happiness.

londongirl101 · 04/06/2019 12:28

I have been following your posts for ages! Thank god im so happy for you Grinit will be shit for a while but I bet you feel a huge weight off your shoulders x

MzHz · 04/06/2019 12:40

It won’t always be like this, you’re both disappointed now, but this will pass

pocketcucco · 04/06/2019 13:02

OP just tell your friends, they will understand.

I got married last year and broke up with my partner 2 months later. Everyone was understanding and supportive. Do what's best for you Flowers

Cafelatte2go · 04/06/2019 13:05

Honestly your friends won't care if you cancel the wedding (not if they are decent friends anyway).

Make sure this isn't hangover or just anxiety talking though. And unless he's plain nasty or abusive tell him as soon as you can, don't let it get any closer to the wedding as that's just cruel.

Cafelatte2go · 04/06/2019 13:07

Oh ffs one day I'll read the whole thread Blushhis reaction isn't on but he'll be very upset.

ThatCurlyGirl · 04/06/2019 13:50

We then agreed to call it a day...before he started shouting in my face that I was a selfish cow. He then cried all night whilst sat in the bathroom. I feel like the worst person in this world right now

My love he won't feel like it right now but you've actually done a loving thing.

You haven't cheated or messed him about, you've left him and he is free now to find someone who does want to be his forever person.

I think I would have been more upset if a partner went through a fake wedding when they weren't happy - that would be worse than leaving him.

You've done the right thing, trusted your gut and you can both walk away with dignity intact.

Of course he will be angry because he feels humiliated and mortified but this will pass and one day when he does fine his forever person, he'll be happy again ThanksThanksThanks

ThatCurlyGirl · 04/06/2019 13:54

Also I don't think that his reaction is surprising and I hope people don't demonise him shouting, he has a hell of a lot to process.

I imagine most people would be shouting and crying all night if they were in his situation - he will be grieving for the loss of the future he thought was a sure thing.

I hope you are both ok Thanks

juneau · 05/06/2019 17:09

However bad you feel, you are being honest and true to yourself and this man is not nice! Shouting in your face? FFS that is not someone you want to marry. You're doing the right thing by ending it. No one should ever walk down the aisle to please other people - do it because it makes you happy, or don't do it at all.

Angrybird123 · 05/06/2019 17:50

Oh come on. He's just had his life turned upside down. OP you did the right thing and I hope you can make all the steps you need to move on but let's not turn this into a 'you're well shot of a dickhead' because he had the nerve to be angry. He didn't hit her, he didn't harangue for hours. Demonising him doesn't help.

ThatLibraryMiss · 05/06/2019 19:46

Crying all fucking night? In the bathroom? Bitch at least go downstairs and sleep on the sofa

I really, really hope you mean the OP should sleep on the sofa, and not that the man she's just dumped a few days before the wedding should stop snivelling.

PickAChew · 05/06/2019 19:58

It was never going to be easy to do but better to have called it off at this stage, rather than going through the motions then ending up divorced, anyway, a few years down the line.

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