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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Girlfriend meeting guy...

136 replies

freddofroggo · 24/05/2019 16:34

Hi. I wondered what people think of this situation.

I've been with my girlfriend for about 2.5 years. Recently, she told me about this guy. About 5 years ago they started liking each other's photos on instagram, and then started direct messaging. This was before I had met her. He lived in a different country and they never met.

Recently while out walking, she mentioned that he was coming over and she was going to show him around for the weekend. I thought that was a bit odd. She says they've been direct messaging pretty much all the time, but she never mentioned him.

Recently, my girlfriend and I had an argument where she broke up with me. She had some things at my house that she wanted back so I said I'd take them to work and she could pick them up or send someone. She said someone would be coming to collect them. I asked who and she said it was this guy when he was over. She also said "we've never flirted or did anything but now I'm single I can't say that won't change."

I did what I think most people, if being honest, would do and checked instagram. It wasn't hard to work out who it was. He's "liked" almost all her recent photos, and before that just a scattering.

Anyhow - she's now asking if we can talk. I love her and don't want to split up.

While I wouldn't dream of asking her not to meet up with this guy, this doesn't really sit happily with me. They're meeting up next week at some point while I'm away.

I'm wondering if I'm wrong to feel concerned about this.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 24/05/2019 16:45

For me she's just lining you up to go back to when he's fucked off

Tell her to jog on

magicBrenda · 24/05/2019 16:47

Tell her to fuck off.

AnyFucker · 24/05/2019 16:48

Don't be a mug

Jenasaurus · 24/05/2019 16:49

Definitely don’t go back to her. Imagine if you met someone online liking her photos and said you were showing her around for the weekend and then saying that same person would collect your items after you break up. She’s being really horrible.

ElspethFlashman · 24/05/2019 16:49

Ah come on. Fuck this. Basically you're her back up plan.

She wants to ride this lad, but she has never actually met him in the flash so he could be a disaster.

But she really needs to be wanted by someone, so if he doesn't work out, you'll do.

Don't be someone's Plan B. I would go very VERY cool, if I were you.

Closetbeanmuncher · 24/05/2019 16:54

Youre being taken for a complete mug, surely you can see whats halpening here. Youve been dumped because a "better" option has become avaliable.

She wants you in the background in case it doesn't work out hence the "wants to talk"

Run like the fucking wind or it wont be the last time this happens.

PollyEsterblouse · 24/05/2019 16:59

I know you love her, but if she loved you, she wouldn't be treating you like this. This isn't real love. I'm sorry.

Setting up a situation in which you and Mr Instagram are forced to meet one another - ie sending him to you to pick up her stuff - is very strange game-playing on her part. You shouldn't have to encounter him in her absence, and it shouldn't be his responsibility to collect her stuff. If she were being adult about this, she'd have her stuff collected by a neutral third party, like a courier, but instead she's sending him, which is just really odd.

Send her stuff over in a cab, and wish her well for the future. She isn't being a good person to you, and I'm sorry, and I wish you the strength to walk away from this with dignity.

freddofroggo · 24/05/2019 17:02

Just to confirm - he's no longer coming to collect her stuff. We're trying to sort things out.

However, she's just told me she's still going to meet him, that I should trust her, nothing will happen etc.

She also said she originally intended on inviing me, but now because she asked him to get her stuff, it would be too awkward and so I can't join them now.

OP posts:
Epona1 · 24/05/2019 17:09

Mate, you’re the back up plan for when it all goes wrong / he goes back home / she doesn’t like him in real life.

Grow a pair, she’s making a mug of you. Tell her to jog on and get on with it.

freddofroggo · 24/05/2019 17:32

So she just dumped me again because I said I wasn't happy with them meeting up.

I guess you were all right.

OP posts:
magicBrenda · 24/05/2019 17:45

She is a head fuck. Move on

magicBrenda · 24/05/2019 17:45

No way would I have Ever treated my husband like that

75Renarde · 24/05/2019 17:47

And OP, she'll be back again.

It's wrong and it's toxic. I think you know what you need to do. Sorry.

Miniloso · 24/05/2019 17:50

You don’t deserve to be treated like that. I’m sorry for you.

YetAnotherUser · 24/05/2019 17:54

Ah, I've met far too many women with this sort of behaviour.

A better prospect comes along, but she keeps a reliable option on the back burner. If you voice objections to her inappropriate behaviour with these potential suitors, then she'll say they're just mates, and if you don't like it then you're possessive, controlling, and pushing her away...

Then as soon as she's done riding the dick carousel, she wants to talk and explains how she was being used by her close "friend", luckily she saw him for what he was "before anything happened"...

Basically, do what everyone else has said and run for the hills.

poglets · 24/05/2019 18:01

Nah, fuck that noise.

Just go NC and watch and wait for her to get back in contact. She will. Also, fuck her stuff - that's her look out.

Sending some guy you've never met who she has been privately messaging to come collect her stuff for her? So disrespectful after 2.5 years.

NameChangeNugget · 24/05/2019 18:27

You’re a bloody mug.

She’s taking the piss and you’re being a melt.

Send her stuff back in a cab

freddofroggo · 24/05/2019 19:21

I sent her a link to this. She's saying I've "twisted" it, have not given all the information, has posted her own version somewhere.

I asked to see it and got told : "I will happily send you the forum once it has more responses. I want to see a fair amount to see if anyone agrees with.you."

I have no idea what difference that makes or why she won't share it...

OP posts:
75Renarde · 24/05/2019 19:44

Simple. She's unsure and if people appear to be backing her that's a tick in her box.

Greatly disliking OP being called a mug.

ChristmasFluff · 24/05/2019 19:54

OP is not a mug, but OP is being taken for one by his nasty ex gf. Please let her stay an ex. For all the reasons others have given.

Or, we can just all stand on the sidelines and cheer as the OP does exactly what this nasty woman wants, and hangs around, is her back up plan, and loses all self-respect.

Baggagereclaim.co.uk - fab stuff for daters.

Closetbeanmuncher · 24/05/2019 20:03

@YetAnotherUser has it with the
riding the dick carousel comment 😂

Sorry op but she sounds like a grade A scratcher to me, stop engaging in chit chat with her and leave her stuff on your doorstep in a bin bag when you're out.

freddofroggo · 24/05/2019 20:09

@YetAnotherUser

This is someone I love - we've been together 2.5 years. She assures me he's just a friend and that I shouldn't give her an ultimatum of not seeing him.

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 24/05/2019 20:20

Could the other thread be this one i wonder....

Flirting whilst having a boyfriend

??

freddofroggo · 24/05/2019 20:31

I can't find that one...

OP posts:
WhiteDust · 24/05/2019 20:37

God she sounds awful.
Doesn't matter how much you 'love' her, she's treating you like dirt.