Girlfriend meeting guy...

[freddofroggo]

Hi. I wondered what people think of this situation.

I've been with my girlfriend for about 2.5 years. Recently, she told me about this guy. About 5 years ago they started liking each other's photos on instagram, and then started direct messaging. This was before I had met her. He lived in a different country and they never met.

Recently while out walking, she mentioned that he was coming over and she was going to show him around for the weekend. I thought that was a bit odd. She says they've been direct messaging pretty much all the time, but she never mentioned him.

Recently, my girlfriend and I had an argument where she broke up with me. She had some things at my house that she wanted back so I said I'd take them to work and she could pick them up or send someone. She said someone would be coming to collect them. I asked who and she said it was this guy when he was over. She also said "we've never flirted or did anything but now I'm single I can't say that won't change."

I did what I think most people, if being honest, would do and checked instagram. It wasn't hard to work out who it was. He's "liked" almost all her recent photos, and before that just a scattering.

Anyhow - she's now asking if we can talk. I love her and don't want to split up.

While I wouldn't dream of asking her not to meet up with this guy, this doesn't really sit happily with me. They're meeting up next week at some point while I'm away.

I'm wondering if I'm wrong to feel concerned about this.

You come across incredibly creepy and stalkerish here OP. It's one thing to be convinced your exGF has gaslighted you (could be correct going on those text messages), but you were obviously messaging her when you were on your way back to London in order for her to suddenly reappear.

Break-ups suck. But you're coming across almost as bad as her towards the end here. No idea why you even called her once, let along a few times and text messages too. Madness.

@Adsy1988 I was worried because she was with a complete stranger, her phone went dead halfway through a conversation, and then uncharicterstically she didn't answer calls or view messages for many hours.

Yeah, most likely she was riding the guy. But you never know. Neither of us had ever met him.

Anyway - I called her bluff today and suggested we both take this to counselling. She dumped and ran.

I won't be taking her back when she comes crawling. Don't worry :)

C’mon. You weren’t worried about her safety OP 🙄. Your thread is all about her doing the dirty, nothing at all to do with worrying about her being with a stranger. You sound very controlling tbh. I advise you go to therapy and leave her alone, poor girl. You’re only a boyfriend fgs.

You're not coming across well in your most recent updates. I agree with the previous poster who said you won't get the pity party you're looking for here. You were given some great advice but decided to ignore it all and go full bunny boiler. Move on and preserve the little dignity you have left.

Oh yes you will

I think it's safe to say at this point that you two deserve each other and have done single people a huge service by pairing off with each other.

And yes, she'll crook her finger and give you "that look" and you'll be back together.

She dumped and ran.

Again? Didn't she already dump you a day or two ago?

To everyone saying I was following her, I drove straight home. I had been at my parents and had been snappy due to this being on my mind and wanted some space. I was calling becuase she said I could. And yes, I was almost certain she was ok, but it was very much on my mind that neither of us had met this guy and she's a hot young woman. There's no lie there. If I'd wanted to catch them, I'd have left earlier and gone to where they were. I didn't. I went straight home.

The only way i would consider continuing is if she approaches some couples therapy with the intention of sorting her own issues in addition to just pointing out mine. That hadn't happened once in our entire relationship so it's not going to happen now.

In other words it's over.

And yes, I frequently lost track of when I was dumped or not. I really did...

So you didn't call her bluff. You were actually still looking for a way back!

OP, listen. Please go get yourself some CBT therapy. Forget her getting it with you.

I already have counselling - it helps with the constant fear of cancer coming back, among other things.

I'm not going to apologise for being vulnerable.

I wasn't looking for a way back, no. But when you love someone, even if they treat you like shit it doesn't switch off immediately.

We are over. I wish her all the best, but we are done.