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Original poster

Can a person be attractive while overweight

126 replies

Needtogetmoving · 20/05/2019 06:20

Early days of dating. I am very overweight and am not happy this size and feel like I really want to be fitter. I seem to struggle staying on track.
With nice clothes on I can still feel attractive sometimes.

The man I am seeing seems to fancy me and has said so. I find it difficult to believe. Can a person really be attracted to someone this size... With a very very wobbly tummy. Or is it a case of liking me despite the weight. It's difficult to keep hiding all my wobbly bits. My fear is that he is actually grossed out but not saying

OP posts:
anothernotherone · 20/05/2019 06:25

If he's dating you, he likes you. Lots of people find Tess Holliday attractive and she's a size 26.

Fairylea · 20/05/2019 06:30

Lots of people find curvier / larger women sexy. It’s a very western concept that beauty only comes in a slim form.

Teddybear45 · 20/05/2019 06:31

Of course.

RiversDisguise · 20/05/2019 06:34

I'm sure he would not be seeing you if he didn't think you were gorgeous!

Lots of men fancy larger women.

hullaballoonie · 20/05/2019 06:35

My DH has loved and fancied me from a size 12 to a size 18. Genuinely not been an issue for him. The only time he really didn't like it was when I git down to a size 8-10 years ago, he said I was too bony!Grin Some men really do prefer curves, although I completely understand that learning to love your own curves is another matter.

Foxmuffin · 20/05/2019 06:35

Of course! People have their own idea of what is attractive.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 20/05/2019 06:36

I have lots of friends of all shapes and sizes, all of my larger friends including myself are in happy loving relationships and have never struggled to find love.

missmouse101 · 20/05/2019 06:36

Attractiveness is not defined by someone's weight! You can be large and totally gorgeous, smiley and fab! So can men... I do so love a chunky man...phworr!

Iamheretoday · 20/05/2019 06:38

In my opinion and the older I get especially, it is personality which makes someone attractive anyway. I would much prefer to be with an overweight man who made me laugh and was a kind person than some really good looking man who I didn't click with.

WitsEnding · 20/05/2019 06:42

I had an OLD date last week with a man who turned out to be massively overweight but hugely attractive, and we really clicked. I am genuinely disappointed that after a very encouraging follow up email, he has ghosted me.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 20/05/2019 06:43

Why would he date you if he wasn't attracted to you? It's not as if you have changed since you started dating.

WhiteDust · 20/05/2019 06:50

People describe themselves as 'massively overweight' often turn out to be size 14 instead of a size 10. So not massive in anyone's eyes.
Aside from that, of course you can still be attractive and big. Just look around you! There are loads of big women and men with partners, husbands, wives.
There will also always be people who prefer thin. Each to their own!

Erina1 · 20/05/2019 06:56

Definitely, I'm casually seeing someone who has a decent physique etc, whereas I'm a 14/16 with a mum tum. When he and I were friends, he regularly dated women of all sizes, say quite obese and much slimmer. It was a revelation to me because i had wondered who would find soneone that size attractive. He told me he preferred a tummy at least but mainly just enjoyed being with women he felt comfortable with and who were confident about who they were. Prior to that, my ex had a six pack etc, had no problem with me not being the case. Same, all about who I was inside and how I carried myself. I truly believe it's about being happy in who you are. If you aren't confident in who you are, make some changes till you are.

MWNA · 20/05/2019 07:05

I'm so miserable that this question even needed asking.

Erina1 · 20/05/2019 07:10

@MWNA I agree, however guess the media bombards us with images they think are sexy and nice and fuels people's anxiety.

Original poster
Needtogetmoving · 20/05/2019 07:13

So maybe he's not pretending!. It does feel sincere. I sound either really shallow or lacking self confidence. I am not attracted to people depending on size. I save that judgement for me.
We always have a lovely time together. I've been trying to bluff confidence in terms of feeling sexy as i know it's not attractive to lack confidence.

OP posts:
bumblingbovine49 · 20/05/2019 07:18

My friend met het husband years ago ( pre OLD/Tinder etc)through a dating agency that was for people looking for " curvy' partners . Her DH is fit/slim, he just found bigger women more attractive. H
They have been married over 20 years. Friend has lost weight in that time but is still a size 20 rather than a 28 or so

Original poster
Needtogetmoving · 20/05/2019 07:20

I'm so miserable that this question even needed asking.
I hate that i ask it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Needtogetmoving · 20/05/2019 07:22

I've realised such a blunt question is very insensitive or even offensive, apologies.

OP posts:
MumsyJ · 20/05/2019 07:24

OP, you're beautiful the way you are. Be happy with yourself, oh by the way, you're not shallow, it's human nature to feel that way.

I'm a size 10 but have always been attracted to large men. My partner is on the plump side and has a heart of gold and annoyingly handsome Smile.

ThatCurlyGirl · 20/05/2019 07:26

Horses for courses! When I was younger someone said to me that it's important to remember when you're dating it's like a two way interview - it's equally about YOU finding out if the other person could be a good fit for you and your needs.

Too often we make dating about whether the other person likes us in the way we want and feel that if they don't we have failed somehow.

A friend of mine is very overweight (she frequently says this, not my words) and has trouble with men fetishising her and even wanting her to get bigger purely because they like it, not really thinking about what she wants.

There are lovely people and letchy people for everyone so whatever your size keep your wits about you and focus on what YOU are looking for, not just who might be looking for you :)

BuildBuildings · 20/05/2019 07:29

Yes

AlyssasBackRolls · 20/05/2019 07:32

Absolutely! Plenty of men like a bigger girl, some like a very big girl! I agree with others though, think about what you want first and foremost x

ZaZathecat · 20/05/2019 07:38

It sounds like you're not particularly overweight anyway, if you can sometimes disguise your tummy.

ALovingSpirit · 20/05/2019 08:06

Yes. Very much so, ragingly so, “let’s lie in bed all weekend having lots of wonderful sex” so. Never enjoyed cuddling skinny women, more Nicki Minaj please.