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Original poster

Can a person be attractive while overweight

126 replies

Needtogetmoving · 20/05/2019 06:20

Early days of dating. I am very overweight and am not happy this size and feel like I really want to be fitter. I seem to struggle staying on track.
With nice clothes on I can still feel attractive sometimes.

The man I am seeing seems to fancy me and has said so. I find it difficult to believe. Can a person really be attracted to someone this size... With a very very wobbly tummy. Or is it a case of liking me despite the weight. It's difficult to keep hiding all my wobbly bits. My fear is that he is actually grossed out but not saying

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 20/05/2019 11:57

Most of my DP‘s former girlfriends have been on the heavier side, and I‘ve dated both heavier and skinnier men. It’s mainly down to personality for me, and I guess that also goes for most people. For most of my life I‘ve been between size 14-18, and since I‘m short, that’s a fair bit of overweight. Have never had trouble meeting men, however!

Orlandointhewilderness · 20/05/2019 12:19

God yes! I've ranged from a size 12 - a 22 and I actually found I had more male interest when I was bigger. My DP thinks I'm gorgeous and I'm currently a 20. We have lots and lots of very awesome sex!
Confidence is key - if you are naked in bed with a man he is NOT going to be thinking about tummy sag!

user1479305498 · 20/05/2019 13:06

Yes but I would say if more than an odd couple of stone overweight the woman you think are still attractive will tend to bother a fair bit with clothes, make up and hair. I’m 13 stone and def look decent for my age scrubbed up and with clothes that flatter

ThatCurlyGirl · 20/05/2019 13:09

Unfortunately as women we are judged (often by other women not just men) by society against a stereotype.

I've been anorexic, slim, a bit chubby and everything in between. And I've never really been body confident.

It was one of my saddest days when I reached my goal weight, looked in the mirror and though SHIT I think my body looks good now but I'm still fucking miserable. I thought it would fix everything.

It fixed nothing and fucked me up even more because I assumed once I felt I would be attractive to people, I'd love myself. It didn't work like that.

What I'm saying is it isn't all about weight in itself. If you're unhappy super self conscious is it worth having a little course of counselling to get to the root cause?

Xxx

wheresmymojo · 20/05/2019 13:17

My DP proposed to me when I was a size 20 and he is a personal trainer with only 10% body fat Smile

Buymeamojitonow · 20/05/2019 14:23

Thanks for posting this , currently on dating sites and lacking self confidence , curvy size 18 .
You guys are amazing at giving us a lift and putting life into perspective .
This has given me a boost to carry on to find someone who appreciates me for me xx

Oneweekleft · 20/05/2019 14:33

Take a look at Louise Pentlands YouTube channel. She's a bigger lady but has confidence and personality and I'd say she's very attractive. Watching her videos has made me more confident about myself and I'm a size 16-18 with a big tummy after 3 c sections. Yes I want to lose weight and ideally I'd like to slim down to a size 14 and be healthier and fitter but I've also decided that life is "NOW"! I can still enjoy life at a larger size and still (with a bit of tweaking) look good in clothes. Louise Pentland has given me a lot of style ideas too. There's lots of clothing ranges designed now for bigger women and you can find clothes that you feel good in and confident. Don't spoil your chances of a good relationship worrying about your body xXx

Scarlettmaid · 20/05/2019 14:42

Yes, you can absolutely be attractive and a bigger man/woman. I won't lie, when I first saw your question I thought "Is this for real? Surely the answer is obvious!".
But actually, the answer is not obvious. You, and many other people, wouldn't be asking it otherwise. The diet industry wouldn't be making millions if people knew for sure that beauty and charm are never just about your waistline. And although my initial reaction was " yes, absolutely"... Aren't I a hypocrite? I weigh myself everyday. I have been on countless diets. I scrutinise my flabby rolls and I hate my tummy. We keep doing this to ourselves. It will take more than a few kind words for us women to finally accept that beauty really comes in all shapes and sizes ( I hate the "real women have curves attitude just as much. Nope. Naturally thin women are beautiful too). And why is beauty that important anyway? Sure, let's look after ourselves. Let's wear the clothes we like, change our hair colour, put funky nail polish on whatever makes us look and feel good. But we need a massive cultural shift. I am so grateful for the body positive movement. We really need this.

Scarlettmaid · 20/05/2019 14:53

Thatcurlygirl, what you are saying about reaching your weight goal and feeling miserable is, almost word for word, what Megan Crabbe ( aka Bodiposipanda) recalls in one of her videos. I love her book and Facebook page.

Supersimpkin · 20/05/2019 14:55

Of course.

BigRedLondonBus · 20/05/2019 16:43

I’m not sure they do tbh. I’m a size 18 and I’m practically invisible to men. I never get approached or even looked at now, whereas when I was a size 12 I was constantly approached. I don’t think generally men like bigger women ime I’m sure some do but most no...

Kaykay06 · 20/05/2019 16:51

I think if your bigger, even if you want to lose the weight, making the most of what you have is the key and be confident in who you are.

Not always easy and in my younger days I struggled with being bigger as I just had no confidence, but now I’m big but I just get on with life and enjoy it. Currently seeing a lovely guy who thinks I have an amazing body and can’t keep his hands off me, we have a great time together. I’ve put on a bit since we met due to eating out etc but happy as I’ve ever been Smile hope it happens for you all too

ThatCurlyGirl · 20/05/2019 16:56

@Scarlettmaid Ah really? I've never heard of them but will have a look. It was a really sobering moment as I spent the best part of 25 years getting to "the fix" moment and it didn't change a thing. Years of therapy after that I know now I was focused on changing external things because I couldn't cope with the things that happened in the past - it was a way of taking control and almost a distraction from acknowledge the things I didn't know how to fix. I think it's the case for lots of people with body image issues, hopefully more people being open about it online nowadays will help Thanks

SCST01 · 20/05/2019 17:00

As I have said to my stunning and curvy sister, it's not like the person you are dating doesn't see roughly what size/shape you are when you're dressed - if they are dating you, they find you attractive. Bet you're gorgeous xx

Original poster
Needtogetmoving · 20/05/2019 17:04

I recall at my slimmest life seeming really great, everything was going well, but the happiness felt very precarious - knowing how much was based on how I looked. I felt good and bad when someone complimented me.

It's really interesting to read these comments.

OP posts:
ObvsItsNotMe · 20/05/2019 17:06

Can you be attractive if you are overweight AND ugly? That would be my problem.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 20/05/2019 17:14

I have to say, I find all the coy euphemisms for being overweight one of the worst things about being overweight.

"Curvy", "larger", "bigger", "heavier" etc.
It's all just a bit patronising.

I know I'm fat. I have eyes.
I know you know I'm fat. You have eyes too.

Calling it "curvy" is like when really annoying yappy women call themselves "bubbly".

BigRedLondonBus · 20/05/2019 17:22

I prefer to say bigger. Fat is mainly used as an insult

Scarlettmaid · 20/05/2019 17:28

@BuzzShitbagBobbly I personally agree that we should reclaim the word fat. It shouldn't be offensive, it should be neutral. But I can't decide what other people are happy being called. If they think fat is an insult, and most people do, I get it. I think overweight and big are perfectly adequate ways of describing bodies to be honest. But I have a problem with curvy. If you have a tiny waist, hips and boobs, that makes curves. But you can still be slim, so curvy is not the best way to convey that you are, well, not slim.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 20/05/2019 17:29

I think it's only considered as an insult by people who aren't.

I'm fat.
Am I insulting myself?

(Obviously excluding situations where context means it is very obviously an insult like "you fat bitch" etc!)

Original poster
Needtogetmoving · 20/05/2019 17:33

"Fat" doesn't seem a very kind way to think about anyone. I don't think it was being reclaimed in a factual way here as "really annoying yappy women" isn't nice either.

OP posts:
Scarlettmaid · 20/05/2019 17:37

Haha you can't insult yourself no. I call myself a frog all the time, so does my husband, jokingly. But some people use frog as a racist slur against the French. It is about intention, you are right. It reminds me of a scene in Dietland ( awesome series on Amazon) when the main character calls herself fat, but then looks upset when one of her friends angrily tells her to "move her fat ass."

cookiechomper · 20/05/2019 17:41

Yes they can. My husband is overweight and is gorgeous. He is 16 stone but he doesn't look fat to me at all. He looks average size.
I am a few stone overweight too and I've never had problems attracting men. I feel more attractive when slimmer and got more attention, I'm not going to lie, but different men are attracted to different things.

Scarlettmaid · 20/05/2019 17:45

Thatcurlygirl oh hugs... Sounds like you have been through a hard time. You are right, it is very common I think that body issues go deeper than just wanting to look different. But the media and the culture we live in really doesn't help. Add to that the fact that overeating, certainly in my case, is a way to deal with stress, tiredness, etc, and it's a recipe ( pardon the pun) for disaster. My relationship with food and diets is fucked up. Megan Crabbe nearly died due to her extreme anorexia. She is now 25 and a size 14, a very positive role model for young girls but also for 39-year-old me. I like that there is a movement telling us to be grateful for the body we have. It's not about promoting extremes as some articles suggest. It's more about getting some much needed perspective!

klendraa · 20/05/2019 17:49

Everybody is different. There are definitely men out there who are into a bigger/ fat woman as opposed to curvy/skinny/slim women.

Everybody is attractive to someone