Can a person be attractive while overweight

[Needtogetmoving]

Early days of dating. I am very overweight and am not happy this size and feel like I really want to be fitter. I seem to struggle staying on track.
With nice clothes on I can still feel attractive sometimes.

The man I am seeing seems to fancy me and has said so. I find it difficult to believe. Can a person really be attracted to someone this size... With a very very wobbly tummy. Or is it a case of liking me despite the weight. It's difficult to keep hiding all my wobbly bits. My fear is that he is actually grossed out but not saying

Size 18 but with the right underwear i feel ok dressed. But since gaining weight my tummy sags in a weird way. So i think i can pull off curvy in clothes that flatter curvy. But my tummy uncovered, its pretty awful . Oh, that's very very honest!

Of course people love you people who are overweight. Two of my daughter's friends got married last year, both size 18 (one because of medication) both their husbands are tall and skinny.

I was a 14 when I got married, at my heaviest a size 20, now an 18 heading down. At no point has my husband ever not fancied me.

In the example I gave, massively overweight meant well in excess of 20 stone.

OP, you sound lacking in self confidence, grateful that any man seems to fancy you, and fearful that you may lose him due to your size.
Please think better of yourself. Spend more time pondering on whether this man is good enough for you, not the other way round!
He needs to meet your needs, make you feel happy and loved, have your back when times are hard. You deserve all these things from a relationship whatever size you happen to be.
Try to be less self conscious and just enjoy your life. People tend to take you at your own valuation, so start being positive and believe in yourself.

Of course!

But it doesn’t always matter so much what other people think of us, it’s how we feel about ourselves that has the biggest impact on our lives day to day. Even if this guy does fancy you it doesn’t sound like you like yourself :(

Do you think you can ever learn to like yourself the way you are? Or are you planning to change some things around to start to feel more positive about your appearance? It’s no life to have feeling unattractive and ugly ever day even if you do have a partner who likes you.

My DH is very attractive and also overweight. So in my mind yep!

I'm a size 24 and 5'10 and never had any complaints. Always been with fit/slim men. Don't worry about it.

You've never met my cousin's wife. She is drop dead gorgeous. Proper head turning gorgeous. And lovely and an admirable person damn her. She happens to be very overweight too.

Absolutely. Women like men in all shapes and sizes, so why wouldn’t men like women in all shapes and sizes? I’m a size 18 top and a 14 bottom and my partner thinks he’s hit the jackpot.

If course they can be attractive and over weight. I’m 3 stone overweight and my dh genuinely fancies me. I struggle to believe him, but I’m what he finds attractive

Yy. The most exquisitely beautiful woman I know is obese. I think she would draw attention away from Vivien Leigh if they were stood together.

I have worked a lot on self confidence, work in progress, but it definitely falters when it comes to weight. A lot of negative history combined with what is probably natural awkwardness dating after many years.

It's really affirming to hear posters be so matter of fact about size and attraction.

I lost 3 stone for my daughters wedding 4 years ago. I was down to a size 12. I have now put nearly 2 stone back on. Back up to a size 16 / 18 .
I feel gross and would love to be skinny again but I realise that is down to my self loathing whatever size I am. I can recognise that my face looked drawn and older and my tits were like empty sacks when i was slimmer and in some ways I look better now. But I am still brainwashed to believe that skinny is better though my logical mind knows different.
And where is dear husband in all of this ? Well he is a gym freak and is a very toned sexy ( to me anyway ) man. He looks great for his age but here's the rub he much prefers me bigger with hips and boobs though he has found me attractive and desirable whatever weight I am.
We have been married over 30 yrs so far so presumably he is still suitably enamoured of me.
So in conclusion I think it is really all about how you feel about yourself and nothing to do with how you actually look. You are obviously hot as far as he is concerned so relax and enjoy it !
And I just wish I could take my own advice ,

I'm a size 24 and my husband tells me I'm beautiful all the time. Try following some body positive women on Instagram and believe you're beautiful too

I can assure you that lots of men find curvier women very attractive, and some actually prefer it.

It sounds like the real issue here might be how you feel about yourself though.

I'm overweight, but it didn't stop me meeting DP, who is 13 years younger and we've been together just over five years now. He loves me as I am.

I think most men are attracted to confidence in a woman rather than size.

Hi, OP. Pre children, I was a size 10. I was a bit too skinny for my frame and it didn't really suit me, but hey, I was a 10 and the numbers on the scale/tape measure were 'right'...

Then, post children, I was a 12. I looked and felt a lot better. I don't carry my weight particularly well. I look at larger women who have beautiful, full bodies with smooth skin and I know that, even though I am smaller than them, they actually look a lot better than me when naked!

I'm now a 14. I feel I could do with losing a stone. I know that, as someone else said, 14 isn't huge or unattractive but I am unattractive at that size. When naked, I'm lumpy, a bit flabby and pasty and look like a 3 year old has created my body out of dough - finger indentations and everything!

My boyfriend tells me that he fancies me and loves me as I am but I find it hard to believe it.

I was reading some criticisms of the BoPo movement last night - how we now celebrate the extremes - the very slim and the very overweight but those of us in the middle - the 14 - 18s; those of us who don't have beautifully proportioned bodies (whatever their size); or those of us who wouldn't be classed as 'pretty' regardless of our body size are pretty much forgotten about. It's true. And it's hard to find yourself attractive when you never see yourself represented in the class of women deemed 'attractive'.

I had men tell me I am beautiful and that they fancy me when I weighed 8'3 -12'3. I've also had men tell me I was too fat at 8'3 - 12'3. You're never going to please everyone!

I also have the worry that my boyfriend likes me in spite of my size/body but, if that's the case, then more fool him! He's been out with far slimmer and far more attractive women than me previously and one of them would like to get back together with him. I'm choosing to think that he has free will to be in a relationship with me. And if he doesn't like me the way I am, I'm not stopping him from finding someone else.

Oh and he falls asleep with his hand on the tummy I loathe telling me how much he loves it...

I think most men are attracted to confidence in a woman rather than size.

I hear this alot but disagree. A lot of men don't like it if you're confident and not slim. They expect you to be apologetic for your size and neurotic.

I prefer bigger guys myself, so it stands to reason that here are guys out there who also prefer a bigger woman. I've never physically fancied thin men.

But I am still brainwashed to believe that skinny is better though my logical mind knows different.

I know exactly what you mean! I think I look ok the size/shape I am currently. I look ok in clothes but I can't help but feel my boyfriend would prefer it, and find me more attractive, if I were slimmer. I'm aware that I'm the 'biggest' girlfriend in his social group and I worry about what that says about him to the others.

We can feel as confident and attractive as we like in our own homes but on a societal level...

Of course you can. Whatever your size and weight, you'll be attractive to some people and less so to others .

But the absolute KEY thing is. ..... what makes you attractive to YOU?

@thenightsky yes same actually!

I don't think there's one thing that "most men" like any more than one thing that most women like. There's ways of being treated of course, we all like to be valued etc etc but there's no one personality type nor body type.

I personally wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't like confident women. I'd see that as a red flag. It doesn't mean most men like confident women, but IMO any man who's prefer to be with someone he can tell is overwhelmingly insecureand apologetic about who she is should be given an enormously wide birth by every single woman.

thenightsky I think that's true of a lot of us - thin for males is linked in my mind to adolescent/ not fully adult, even though of course there are thin adult men!