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Original poster

Can a person be attractive while overweight

126 replies

Needtogetmoving · 20/05/2019 06:20

Early days of dating. I am very overweight and am not happy this size and feel like I really want to be fitter. I seem to struggle staying on track.
With nice clothes on I can still feel attractive sometimes.

The man I am seeing seems to fancy me and has said so. I find it difficult to believe. Can a person really be attracted to someone this size... With a very very wobbly tummy. Or is it a case of liking me despite the weight. It's difficult to keep hiding all my wobbly bits. My fear is that he is actually grossed out but not saying

OP posts:
lhw92 · 21/05/2019 10:00

I keep seeing really slim women and thinking, they are so slim, they are ill.
Gee thanks 😅 (I’m not actually offended but comments like this are a little necessary... we all come in different sizes)

EmeraldRubyShark · 21/05/2019 10:13

Of course you don't have to be a stick to date. As sugarbear says 'big girls need lovin too'

Comments like this expose underlying insecurity. If you were happy with how you looked and your weight calpoppincalpol you wouldn’t need to put other women down by calling them ‘sticks’.

It’s like when you see larger women say ‘men don’t like a bag of bones/stick insects’ etc. I suppose it’s intended as a way to boost their own self confidence by putting someone else down but in reality it just makes someone seem deeply uncomfortable with themselves. As a slim woman I don’t need to walk around saying things like ‘not all men like whales with rolls of fat/men prefer slim healthy women not fatties’ to degrade someone else in order to build myself up. I know everyone is attracted to different things and everyone is equally valid whatever their weight and appearance.

NottonightJosepheen · 21/05/2019 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmeraldRubyShark · 21/05/2019 10:15

I keep seeing really slim women and thinking, they are so slim, they are ill.

Don’t worry, some of them will be looking at you wondering when the diabetes/heart disease will kick in and asking themselves why you’d eat yourself into an early grave*

See? Not nice to be on the receiving end of is it! Hmm

*obviously that’s not what I walk around thinking. I’m not a twat.

EmeraldRubyShark · 21/05/2019 10:16

Cross post saying almost the same thing NottonightJosepheen. It stands out a mile when people say things like that yet I always get the sense the speaker things they’re coming across as confident.

lhw92 · 21/05/2019 10:16

Whoops I just realised I put necessary instead of unnecessary*

NottonightJosepheen · 21/05/2019 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmeraldRubyShark · 21/05/2019 10:29

Totally agree Not. It makes me cringe when I see the ‘real women have curves’ nonsense floating around. Like okay... I guess a woman with a healthy low BMI of say 19 isn’t ‘real’? Yet if somebody said ‘real women are a healthy BMI’ there’d be uproar. It’s just as shit coming from both directions.

DrMorbius · 21/05/2019 10:43

Some men will find a larger woman attractive, probably more will not. Especially as society seems to glamourise thinner women.

My mother was large, and not very mobile, when I was young. A psychologist will have to tell me if it's related, but I find fat women even marginally over weight a total turn off.

RiversDisguise · 21/05/2019 10:44

I love that Jim Croce song, Roller Derby Queen:

She was 5 foot 6, two fifteen
A beach blonde mama with a streak of mean
She knew how to knuckle and she knew how to scuffle and fight
And the roller derby program said
That she was built like a 'fridgerator with a head...

Well I could not help it, but to fall in love
With this heavy duty woman I've been speaking of
Things were kinda bad, untill the day she skated into my life
Well she might be nasty, she might be fat
But I never met a person who would tell her that
She's my bleach blonde bomber, my heavy handed Hackensack mama

GrinGrinGrin

There will ALWAYS be men who fancy you!

I think most of us realise some men fancy fat women, some slender women, some underweight women, some muscular women, and some don't have a type of any kind at all.

Singlenotsingle · 21/05/2019 10:48

Yes of course, but the number of potential partners is reduced as a lot of men aren't keen. If you've found one who is, that's great.

EmeraldRubyShark · 21/05/2019 10:51

My mother was large, and not very mobile, when I was young. A psychologist will have to tell me if it's related, but I find fat women even marginally over weight a total turn off.

I don’t think there has to be a deep psychological reason for you to not find fat women attractive. I’d say it’s more common than not to find being very fat a turn off. It’s all to do with our evolution and finding characteristics which signify health the most attractive/appealing. Of course there are men and women who specifically find someone being fat attractive for one reason or another and there are others who on the whole would prefer a healthy-sized partner but are happily able to overlook someone’s weight if they love the person (or even activel grow to love their body and find them attractive because the package as a whole is so appealing).

There’s an interesting study here which, though not very comprehensive (they only studied men from ten different countries), found that men found the woman with a lower BMI most attractive and on the whole found women with overweight and obese BMIs less so.

peerj.com/articles/1155/

RiversDisguise · 21/05/2019 11:14

Ahem, yes, but the OP is insecure about her appearance and is seeking reassurance about her relationship.

NottonightJosepheen · 21/05/2019 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hithere12 · 21/05/2019 11:27

Most plus sized models like Tess Holiday have had liposuction on their chin/face.

PrettyBelle · 21/05/2019 12:04

I would say it depends on whether the person is overweight but still proportionate. There is a young woman in my gym who is has very wide hips, very large breast and a narrow waist. She is also tall, has a mane of hair and a very pretty, delicate thin face. She is most definitely overweight but she is stunning due to her proportions and other attractive features. So her body measurements may be 110-80-120 (in cm). Whereas someone 100-100-100 probably create a different impression.

RottnestFerry · 21/05/2019 12:14

I love that Jim Croce song, Roller Derby Queen

Don't forget "Whole lot of Rosie"

^She ain't exactly pretty
Ain't exactly small
Fourt'two thirt'nine fiftysix
You could say she's got it all^

^Ain't no fairy story
Ain't no skin and bones
But you give it all you got
Weighin' in at nineteen stone^

Itsmellslikefr3shgrass · 21/05/2019 12:42

I've been out with people of differing sizes. I like people who are happy, kind, make me laugh, want to spend time with me, share a hobby & have their own hobbies

joystir59 · 21/05/2019 12:48

My OH loved me at size 20 but now I'm size 14 she is definitely giving me a lot more attentive. I'm back to the size I was when she fell in love with me, and I love myself much more, am more comfortable in my skin and happier for being fit and light on my pins again, and being able to get back into interesting clothes. So I understand why she is more attracted to me at this weight.

joystir59 · 21/05/2019 12:50

I think that's the key to being attractive- being comfortable in your skin and confident.

PrettyBelle · 21/05/2019 13:40

joy I think that's the key to being attractive- being comfortable in your skin and confident.

Confidence does not make one attractive - there are lots of confident jerks who think that they are a gift to any woman but couldn't be less so.

PurpleGlitter1983 · 21/05/2019 13:50

Of course a person can be attractive when over weight, although I'd question how a partner felt in themselves if they were grossly overweight. I'd want them to get some weight off because it's unhealthy to be obese and if a person is that fat then there's got to be some self esteem issues.

People can bleat on all they want saying "I'm fat and happy" but being obese is unhealthy and if you love yourself you'll want to change that for a longer healthier life. A loving partner can help and support weight loss while still being attracted sexually.

joystir59 · 21/05/2019 14:19

I'm not a confident jerk PrettyBelle, and am not a man either. I do maintain that self confidence and being comfortable in your own skin are attractive qualities.

EleanorReally · 21/05/2019 17:50

I guess me thinking that the very slim women are ill might be due to having anorexia in the family, thus seeing it everywhere

Eesha · 22/05/2019 08:02

Yes definitely, attraction comes in all shapes and sizes. I've seen happy couples where one is extremely big, no one cares. I've been online where attractive men want BBW and consider me too small whereas I'm a 14 to 16 and I consider myself big. I do think the most attractive have an innate confidence and project that happiness. My close friend has a mum tum, but knows how to carry herself sexily, thinks sexily, and men flock to her. When I'm happiest, same things happen. When I'm slobbing around insecurely, nothing happens. It's just not an attractive trait.