Can a person be attractive while overweight

[Needtogetmoving]

Early days of dating. I am very overweight and am not happy this size and feel like I really want to be fitter. I seem to struggle staying on track.
With nice clothes on I can still feel attractive sometimes.

The man I am seeing seems to fancy me and has said so. I find it difficult to believe. Can a person really be attracted to someone this size... With a very very wobbly tummy. Or is it a case of liking me despite the weight. It's difficult to keep hiding all my wobbly bits. My fear is that he is actually grossed out but not saying

Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. There are plenty of people out there who would find over weight and obese people attractive - just as there are those who like blondes/ redheads / facial hair tattoos etc flip their switch.
The problems arise when your 'type' or your DHs 'type' changes radically from where you started. I used to be 18st 7 . DH still LOVED the vines of me, was kind and affectionate but he didn't want sex as the weight was a sexual turn off. Now I'm 12 stone we are back at it like rabbits. I don't blame him. I would not be attracted to the 19 stone version of him.
My neighbours marriage fell apart when his wife dieted from 20stone to 11. He just didn't fancy the 'skinny bag of bones' as he put it.
Attraction is a basic biological urge... and they are all different.

I’ve been called fat as an insult more than once so yes to me it was always be negative

I had a similar experience to a pp as in I lost a lot of weight quickly (through illness) and was suddenly a size 10/12 from size 18 and when I recovered I thought I looked great body wise, but, and this is a big but, I also 'treated' myself to a very different haircut, wore a different style of clothes and a bit of make up. I also gained a boyfriend I adored. I have a picture from that time and I could cry when I look at it, because I think I looked so much better. I mentioned it to a friend, how I wish I could go back to that and she said "Oh we all look like that when we're in love!" And I realised that the weight/hair/make up/clothes didn't mean anything really compared to the sort of 'glow' I had from being happy. (That sounds a bit cringey I know!) It was a photo I didn't know was being taken and bf at the time was talking to me, so that accounts for the look on my face!
But while still slimmer it all went wrong anyway, and I didn't get any interest at all - except someone who then abused me, and after that nothing until I'd put weight back on, and let myself 'go' a bit, made peace with myself and then was just me. I'm not beating them off with a stick by any means, but I'm not lacking attention either.
I think it is about confidence and being comfortable with yourself, that attracts people. And I think that becomes easier as you get older too, or it has for me. I've dated all sorts of guys, I don't really have a 'type' it is more about personality for me, and I would hope it's like that for men too.
I don't think he'd continue dating you if he didn't find you attractive - that's what it's all about in the first stages isn't it? And attraction does go deeper than weight/height/body type imo, it's a whole load of things that make up the whole.
Enjoy your dates and someone finding you attractive, it's a lovely feeling!

I lost a good bit of weight a while ago, without exception women I know were all "you look amazing, how did you do it, I bet you feel so much better"
Men were "what have you done!!" Wheres all your curves gone,"
I found it interesting

I appear to have something in my eye reading this 💓

I've felt to worthless for such a long time, size 20, 5feet 9. I wouldn't know if a guy fancied me. Nope, no way. I get on well enough with men, some are more protective of me than others, will pick up coffee, share anecdotes, shout cries of 'me too' during banter or over breakfast at work.

That's being friendly or polite.

What's the next step to attraction? I never get asked out.

Either I am hideous or the vibes I'm giving out are all wrong. Arrgghhhh

This has just appeared on my FB timeline... how apt.

Personally I think attractiveness is in how you present yourself and how you are ( confident but not too much, funny etc) OP and hugs and enjoy

This is fascinating. I loathe my fat body, even as I go through every day accepting it for what it is and doubting I'll ever lose a significant amount of weight.

But my DH seems to like it, he goes straight for the bits I hate when he wants a smooch and a cuddle

I once said (miserable cow that I am) "How you can truly fancy a fat body is beyond me."

And he said, "I fancy it because its yours."

The man is a saint. He is carrying a little extra timber of his own, but I must say I barely even notice - he is just DH, I adore him and he is ruggedly, devilishly handsome.

It is perfectly possible to be both. I am very pretty, but a fattie! So much of it is also down to personality and confidence. I am also a single mum of 3. On paper, I probably don't look like the best prospect! But I have never struggled for dates.

I once met a man for a date, he turned up and was really fat, to my shame I remember thinking "oh no"..until he kissed me, I've never felt anything like it, when we first had sex and he got undressed I thought he was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, because of how he made me feel and just how caring and protective he was

@Nyctophilia
That is so lovely 😊

Of course you don't have to be a stick to date. As sugarbear says 'big girls need lovin too'

The average uk dress size for women is 16'

You're a size 18, that's nothing :) stop thinking about weight and embrace yourself.

Disclaimer that Im a bisexual woman, not a man.

But I love fat women.

And I loathe the term "curvy" because it still implies an idealised shape (IME) of women as needing wide hips, big tits and a small waist. And it is also used a lot for women who are in some cases pretty lean (but an hourglass rather than more boyish or athletic). Being fat isnt the same as being "curvy" (and visa versa).

Men will find you attractive. Maybe not all men. Maybe less men than fancy slimmer women. But you arent looking for loads of men to fancy you. You are looking for one person, who you also happen to like...to fancy you (a lot). Or enough to have some choice, anyway. And there are definitely plenty of men knocking about who like a fat woman.

Keep working on your self esteem. You deserve to feel good about yourself.
You will never look back and wish you spent more time feeling bad about your body or hiding.

Yes, definitely. One of the sexiest, most attractive women I ever dated had what might be called a ‘fuller figure’ - I’m not good on sizes but I think she was a 16-18.

I found her quite stunning to look at, but of course her attractiveness was also the result of her personality, she had a quick wit and was very intelligent, she also had a filthy laugh!

The thing I immediately noticed when I first met her IRL (we met via online dating) was her wonderful eyes. She was certainly what would the Western world would call overweight, yet I noticed that wherever we went, restaurant, bar, even supermarkets, men would be looking at her in admiration. She exudes sex appeal; it was an innate confidence.

In some ways the idea of being confident - because that's what is really attractive - means I feel I should put on a pretence, hide insecurities. Feels almost like more pressure.

It really just means being yourself tbh

Confident does not mean extroverted or loud or brash..

I feels like it means not having any hangs ups about your body. When actually maybe lots of us feel self conscious about one part or another.
I get that it's probably an ideal.

I am very slim and my DH can be a bit chunky - he has put on a lot of weight in a time of stress, is now a healthy, but on the large side weight. I fancy him more than any man on the planet, always have, always will. When he put on weight I worried about his health, that it was a symptom of being unhappy and that it affected his self esteem. I never ever found him less attractive. I am so happy he lost the weight, but not because I find him more attractive, because he is happier and healthier. If you fancy someone, you fancy someone - no need to analyse too deeply, some people just float your boat.

NottonightJosepheen really good explanation thanks. I think I need to re read it to think it through.
Some really helpful thoughts on the thread.

I keep seeing really slim women and thinking, they are so slim, they are ill.
and of course overweight women can be attractive.

Of course you can, there are plenty of really attractive overweight women.
In my experience most men (and women) prefer someone’s face over their body anyway