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Original poster

Your opinion on interracial relationships?

147 replies

sweetnsuga123 · 17/05/2019 20:13

Hi everyone,

I have been with my partner for 2 and a half years. I am white and he is black. We are constantly stared at in public, I live in area thats not very multicultural in the North West. We have received many comments shouted at us as well which always shocks me. I thought in today's society people wouldn't act like that.

I'm just wondering what your opinion on interracial relationships are and whether you'd stare in public?

OP posts:
WyfOfBathe · 18/05/2019 00:30

I'm white and DH is black. We live in a fairly large multicultural town and haven't had any stares that I've noticed. A few people have commented on how different our DC look (DD1 is DH's from a previous relationship and she's black, DD2 is mixed and has fairly light skin), but not in a disapproving way.

We get more stares/comments in DH's hometown in the Caribbean, or people there assume that DH must be a 'foreigner' and are surprised that he can speak the local dialect when he's with me. They are often positive comments, but it's still a bit disconcerting.

IABUQueen · 18/05/2019 00:32

My mother is biracial, her dad is from an ethnicity that has historically been undermined by her mum’s ethnicity.

My grandfather was a very confident man however he did seem very affected by it to a point where he denies his heritage at times but when mixing with people of similar heritage he is full of pride. He has never been undermined by my grandmother (who adored his heritage) or her family (who didn’t really but respected him)..

My parents in law however are the reverse.. my mil is of an ethnicity that’s historically not respected by my fil ethnic background. She found it very difficult with her in laws, I do think women receive sooo much more pressure from family and have expectations placed on them which are often times cultural. Her relationship and life and insecurities have been defined by the fact she feels targeted for her race. I don’t think she was but I do think there is an element where women already receive a lot of hell for being women and “standing out” doesn’t help. She seems angry st her own race and heritage and denounced anything to do with it.

So perhaps these relationships are struggling a bit more because of the dynamic and pressures on women. I know my sample size is very small though lol.

Jsmith99 · 18/05/2019 00:35

I live in the East Midlands, where interracial couples are fairy common. I hope I would never stare or make a comment about them.

What I do notice, however, is that the vast majority of such couples are either white man / East Asian woman or white woman / black man. It is very unusual to see the reverse of these combinations.

Yabbers · 18/05/2019 00:38

I wouldn’t stare, it’s not exactly unusual is it?

DBML · 18/05/2019 00:51

Although I personally am Caucasian from Mediterranean and Irish descent, I have family who married into other cultures long before I was born. I have black family members as well as Chinese family members and everyone in between. Therefore mixed race couples are the norm for me and I wouldn’t personally bat an eyelid. I find black, white and Asian men attractive and would happily date a man of any race as long as he was a nice person. (If I wasn’t married of course).
It shocks me that you have experienced this abuse and saddens me to think there are people out there whose lives are less rich, because they are not open to getting to know a range of other people.
I wish you and your partner happiness and try not to pay attention to ignorance.

redbedheadd · 18/05/2019 01:27

I'm in an interracial relationships, me white, DP British Caribbean. We live North London and very common here. It's also more common in my area to see black female, white male - but it's always a very middle class couple.

I'm from NE and it isn't common at all there. When we visit family, people always engage my DP in conversation about how they aren't racist. It's very strange.

It's less we get negative attention as a couple, more my DP has racist experiences... such as being checked by airport security, asked for his ID, stopped by police.... and the systematic racism within the working world.

We have a DS and I'm glad he will he brought up in an area and go to school where he is just "normal" - it's a huge relief.

FuriousVexation · 18/05/2019 06:25

I am white and my last ex was Black.

We lived in a very ethnically mixed neighborhood and never had any comments, however my ex and my DSD both experienced racial abuse shouted at them when they were around town (not all the time! but occasionally)

In that city there was also a lot of antagonism between Asian and African communities. My DS's best friend (who was Black) used to deliberately wind up every other culture that he could.

Ghanagirl · 18/05/2019 06:52

@Pendeen
I get where you coming from both me and DH are black live in London and most of our friends are mixed couples we are in the minority.

Itsmellslikefr3shgrass · 18/05/2019 08:25

I've heard some unpleasant comments.
I always say, if you were sick & needed some blood, would you care who it came from ?
We all have red blood inside !
Love & peace to everyone

Spagbowlexplosion · 18/05/2019 08:30

Where I live it’s normal, my ex was black and a few of his female family members used to stay I’m stealing from black woman but that was it.
I’m mixed race myself and dp is white and we don’t get stared at, I could never live in an area that non white people are looked at like circus animals. I had that when visiting dps family in a northern town, never again! Those sort of places are weird and always have a feel like theyve been on crimewatch.

Questionnumber1 · 18/05/2019 09:11

I live in similarly non-diverse area op and when I was in a mixed relationship we would get looked at, I'd catch their eye and smile and they'd always smile back. I tend to think it is a positive sight and a sign of change and progress and that's why people are looking.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 18/05/2019 09:18

I do think area has a lot to do with it , I'm Essex and spend a lot of time working in London and it wouldn't raise an eyebrow...to be honest it wouldn't even register to most people as anything other than two people in a relationship

Of course there are racists in Essex and London im not remotely sufgesting there arent because sadly assholes insist existing everywhere annoyingly but culturally walking along the street it wouldn't register to most people I suspect.

Sosayi · 18/05/2019 09:55

My DH is white, I’m black been together 20 years .
Only time I’ve received racism is from black guys who have implied I’m a sellout for being with a white guy and from black women with a similar attitude
Although this hasn’t happened in years
I do remember that when we got together we would stand out as it was mainly white women with black guys
Hardly ever saw black women with white guys back then and if we went to a club we were the only mixed couple - black woman /white guy in the club
But in recent years I’ve noticed this has become more common
I’ve had it where in the past where people think I am only with him cos he is white and wealthy

madcatladyforever · 18/05/2019 09:59

My son's partner is Chinese and was brought up in the north west and she said she suffered a lot of racial abuse up there. Now they live down south nobody turns a hair. It seems there are pockets of the country that are worse than other parts.

NunoGoncalves · 18/05/2019 10:56

For me the worst was when I was in a relationship with someone whose parents were Indian. Other Indian/South Asian people had a lot to say about that. Comments in the street, etc.

Lots of South Asians are pretty racist in my experience.

Scrapbookqueen1 · 18/05/2019 11:56

DH and I were best friends as kids and have always been together (he’s Indian, I’m white. Live south east London) we’ve been together 18 years now. Had some weirdness from others/strangers when were younger but less as time has gone on. We also get surprise from people that we are together (but this might be more due to how pretty and pristine my husband is and how scruffy and round I am!) he occasionally gets some racial abuse and comments when we are apart. He picked my blonde haired, blues eyed niece up from school and other parents questioned it.

WhatHaveIFound · 18/05/2019 12:03

I'm the same squashedfruit and i consider my kids mixed race though DD is almost as white as my DH and DS is darker than me.

My parents were a mixed race couple and got a lot of hassle in the 60s/70s, and i got plenty of racist abuse as a child growing up in the 70s.

I wouldn't consider staring at a mixed race couple and i don't think DH and i get stared at either.

notfromworcester · 18/05/2019 12:07

Where I live I'd be happy to see you.
The lack of diversity is the thing which troubles me most about where we live - to the extent we are considering a relocation. Sad

Mabelface · 18/05/2019 12:17

It really doesn't enter my head to look or think anything of it. People are people.

UnicornDaisy · 18/05/2019 12:22

I couldn't care less what race someone is. In 2019 anyone should be able to date who they like regardless of gender, race, sexuality etc etc.

It saddens me that this is your experience and hope that love will beat hate.

Try and ignore the ignorant people of this world and just be happy.

sheshootssheimplores · 18/05/2019 12:31

I know one interracial couple off the top of my head and it’s never been mentioned by anyone. They are ridiculously loved up and that’s the only comment that I’ve ever heard be made. They are always holding hands and look very very happy.

RRJR · 18/05/2019 12:56

“We are the future” I’m sorry but that’s just so weird to say as a couple who don’t want the focus of others

What is the future? Your relationship is normal, by claiming that you’re the future you’re basically saying that your relationship currently isn’t normal?

It is normal and it’s perfectly fine. So no you aren’t the future, because it’s absolutely fine right now. “We are the future” almost says that same race couples are backwards ?

Just let people be Confused

ALovingSpirit · 18/05/2019 12:58

Who you choose to love is nobody else’s damn business. Let people stare, they are showing themselves up as the backward hicks they are. Pity them.

Widowodiw · 18/05/2019 13:07

I think that if your are living in a mainly white area some of the looks could just be from
Curiosity. It is unbelievable at how many people just live in their own little bubbles. If those looks overspill into comments then yes that’s another matter. I used to live as a child in a all white village and when a Chinese family moved in everyone was curious . They never got any abuse it’s just that they were the first non white family in the village same as if back then if a gay family had moved in for example.

Mortgages · 18/05/2019 13:41

Don’t get the point of Pendeen’s comments

Prince Harry has just married a woman of black origin with a fully black mother...

Where I am I see many black women with white men and I get a lot of attention from Caucasian men just out and about so clearly they do find black women attractive.

I think actually you’ll find black women get a lot of hassle from their families and black males for dating out yet the same men exclusively date and prefer white women. I’m talking from experience.