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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Your opinion on interracial relationships?

147 replies

sweetnsuga123 · 17/05/2019 20:13

Hi everyone,

I have been with my partner for 2 and a half years. I am white and he is black. We are constantly stared at in public, I live in area thats not very multicultural in the North West. We have received many comments shouted at us as well which always shocks me. I thought in today's society people wouldn't act like that.

I'm just wondering what your opinion on interracial relationships are and whether you'd stare in public?

OP posts:
sweetnsuga123 · 17/05/2019 21:01

@Pinkarsedfly I think I was naive before this relationship it didn't cross my mind either. People's reaction towards us has baffled me.

OP posts:
Mimithemouse · 17/05/2019 21:04

You're not in St Helen's are you by any chance, I'm sorry you get this, its unbelievable how ignorant some people still are.

sweetnsuga123 · 17/05/2019 21:05

I'm not I'm from across the water @Mimithemouse and thankyou I know its unbelievable!

OP posts:
Parsley1234 · 17/05/2019 21:07

My ex partner sons father is Asian and I live in Gloucestershire he found it really hard to live here and moved back to London. I wish I could say my son has had no racism here but it would be a lie - he has had more than you would imagine and I’m glad now he is in a boarding school where a lot of the children are multi cultural. I worry about the way the UK is now and I can only see it getting worse it depresses me a lot

Mimithemouse · 17/05/2019 21:08

Ah ok, it's similar here though, some very small minded people.

Branleuse · 17/05/2019 21:13

I have no opinion on it. It seems fairly commonplace.

Dairymilkmuncher · 17/05/2019 21:15

I wouldn't stare but I would probably have a look and be so happy because I'm a geek like that, I'm mixed race and loved having two completely different parents and like the above poster said people would assume my mum wasn't my mum or my dad wasn't my dad when I was little. We lived in a small village when I was young and I was the only brown kid and even now I've lived in cities and traveled the world when I'm in this village and see someone from a different race I look and smile because it's unusual but lovely.

elsabadogigante · 17/05/2019 21:18

I have no opinion. Live and let live.

stucknoue · 17/05/2019 22:51

Where I live there's lots of interracial couples, no one bats an eyelid. I know some families don't encourage the couples but in the street I doubt anyone notices

Aimily · 17/05/2019 22:56

Personally I view it the same way I view same sex relationships. As long as you're happy it's not my business.

I'm sorry you're getting stared at and the comments you are, that's inappropriate and unfair

Lauren850 · 17/05/2019 23:16

Are you planning to have kids? If so it would be hard for them growing up in such a backward area. I know people do survive this but definitely to be avoided if poss

LuluBellaBlue · 17/05/2019 23:23

I’m in Oxfordshire and was barked at by a group of men because I was with a mixed race ex. (Small minded tossers)

Charley50 · 17/05/2019 23:30

Im in London. I'm white, DP is black. It's normal here. Never had any racism while together in 10 years, apart from a few nasty comments from the Armenian guy in the corner shop years ago.

CountFosco · 17/05/2019 23:33

I live in the NE, I guess officially we are an inter racial relationship (DH is half hispanic but spent most of his childhood here) but no-one here realises because he passes. However I have friends who have been in more obvious mixed race relationships and as you might imagine some pockets of the NE are very openly racist so those areas have to be avoided. But they are to be avoided if you are black or asian, not just because of your relationship.

shitpark · 17/05/2019 23:35

Mixed race relationships are normal to me, 3 out o 4 siblings in mixed marriages. i have mostly been in mixed race relationships, and have had problems, mostly from Indian men who think they have some sort of entitlement. I think it is worse than it used to be. I live in East London.

Lau247 · 17/05/2019 23:42

I live in east London and all of my recent previous relationships have been mixed im white partners have been black. It is pretty normal in London as multi cultural but I have received a looks when out in public mainly from black women as has one of my friend who is also white and had black partners. This hasn’t just been noticed by me but by my partners aswell and has made me feel very uncomfortable

pendeen123 · 18/05/2019 00:00

Sorry to be the dissenting voice here...but hear me out : if two people want to get to get together it doesn't make a difference to me what colour they are ,black,white,brown whatever BUT nine times out of ten it is white female with black Male and rarely the other way round so the question is how shit does that make black females feel? IMO it cements the place of the black female on the bottom rung. Apologies if I've upset anyone but that's how I see it. I now await the shitstorm ...

CodenameVillanelle · 18/05/2019 00:03

My ex is black and I never noticed any negativity towards us but I live in the south east where racism is covert not overt!

FaffyFaffington · 18/05/2019 00:06

I’m white, DH black. Been together nearly 20 years. 2 DC. Lucky we live in london where it’s never been an issue.

When we visit in laws in the US we are stared at and comments are made by black and white people. It’s tiresome.

I’ll stick with london (sorry).

IABUQueen · 18/05/2019 00:06

I look but try not to stare because for me that’s a beautiful sight in an ugly world..

I’m a daughter of mixed race mother who received racism

Icandothisallday · 18/05/2019 00:10

I live near Leeds. Dp is mixed race but just looks like he has a tan. Most people think he is probably Italian or Spanish. We dont have any issues here.

However, my family in Derry ( where I am from) arent happy. But that mainly a religious/culture problem than race. I dont think they give a shit about his race. I am used to it. No one was happy my mum marries and English protestant. Even though we lived here. Even more unhappy when he joined the police here.

I am a bit 'meh....your loss'. His half sister and me are good friends and she often comes to parties. Everyone loves her. But then her religion hasnr come up either.

sweetnsuga123 · 18/05/2019 00:15

I see your point @pendeen123 but my partner isn't with me because I'm white or because he only finds white women attractive and vice versa. He’s his own person and doesn’t represent every black man in Britain we just happened to click and fall in love and our races were irrelevant to that. Just because he's with me doesn't mean he doesn't like or respect black women or sees them as beneath him at all.

OP posts:
MancaroniCheese · 18/05/2019 00:19

It’s shocking that people still have such attitudes.

I’m from Indian/Irish parents. They did get stared at a bit in 1960s rural Ireland.

gluteustothemaximus · 18/05/2019 00:23

God OP, am so sorry for any abuse or shouting you've been on the receiving end of.

I can't believe people have an issue with a human dating/marrying another human.

There is so much ignorance about I sometimes wonder if we've gone back in time Sad

IABUQueen · 18/05/2019 00:24

Pendeen oh gosh I sort of get you. But maybe black women shouldn’t be insulted by that sight, maybe it’s more common that black women don’t find white men as attractive or are less adventurous due to insecurities about racial issues? I feel like women tend to be more pressured by society and what others think than men, sadly? And more influenced by family dynamics and so have more rigid expectations of a partner whereas men seem to b more experimental ?

I don’t know I hope this doesn’t offend anyone.

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