Both married but mutual attraction at work

[Sab06]

Hey guys,

A bit of background:
We are both married, he is much older than me and we work together 2 days a week.

I don’t know where to start...we’ve known each other for 3 years. Normal work relationship up until 2 months ago. We both opened up about some hard time we had last year and it’s like something started then.. He was been very tactile with me (touching my arm, poking me with his pen on my leg, knee touching, shoulder..) all very subtle and at times he would be nervous around me. At first I didn’t think much of it until recently, when we were both sitting together working and all of a sudden I’ve felt a very strong sexual chemistry for this man. It was actually overwhelming. He is seriously not my type and is much older than me.
Slowly, slowly.. he started asking personel questions: how I’ve met my husband? Where do I live? What does my husband do? Show me pictures of your family? What types of foods do you like and so on...
he then one time said that we should go out for dinner with this other lady colleague (he wanted to introduce her to me)
I started to find myself very attracted to him. This feeling originally scared me. I wanted to ask my boss if I could work with another colleague to keep away.
Recently, to say hello he kissed me on the cheek and we hugged. It all was so natural. He held me for a little while and he hugged me really tightly. It really felt nice.
Fast forward, the second time it was more on the corner of my lips. He was excited during our chat and was looking at me with romantic eyes. He is regularly seeking my company. What is happening? Is he playing with me or has he just like me developed some kind of feelings???
I think I am falling for him!!

Now, I don’t intend on cheating on my husband! I envisage having a conversation with him and telling him that we HAVE to keep things PLATONIC.
What do you guys think.... does that sound like someone who just wants me in their bed or do you think he has genuine feelings for me?
I am constantly thinking of him.. please help!
Please be kind... I am turning to you guys for some help, advice, experience.

You sound very dim.

Isn't it irrelevant whether he has feelings for you or wants to shag you, seeing as you don't want to leave your husband?

You don't have to tell him to keep his distance, do it yourself and he'll get the message.

I think only one thing:

CLICHÉ!

^^ ignore arseholes like this

Now, I don’t intend on cheating on my husband!

That's not very convincing, tbh. This man just wants to shag you and you are seriously playing with fire here. Read what you wrote with a clear head and hopefully you'll see what I do... A giddy woman waxing poetic like a school girl. We all have had attractions to people other than our partners but you have already MASSIVELY crossed the line. Hugging and kissing him at work? Allowing him to touch and poke you? Honestly op, you need to put an end to this nonsense NOW before you risk losing everything. Your marriage, your job, your reputation, and any sense of dignity.

I would bet you everything I own that this Romeo has played the same game with countless other women. You're just another conquest to add to the list.

Why do you care if he has genuine feelings or not? If you have no intention of cheating on your husband then this man’s feelings towards you are irrelevant.

Nip it and nip it hard. Tell him you’re uncomfortable and that your relationship has to stay professional.

This man might just want a shag or he might genuinely be interested in you romantically. But really, what does that matter? You say you won’t cheat on your husband but it doesn’t sound very convincing. You admitted you’re falling for this guy and in all honesty it sounds as if you’re enjoying what’s going on

Separate yourself from him. Don’t engage in lengthy conversations. Don’t hug him.

How would you feel if your husband was doing this with another woman?

@ukgift2016

Thanks for that 👍🏼

I fully agree with you! That is what I have decided to do from next week... seat away from him, keep it to the minimum.. but I got to say, that is my head talking... my heart says something else..

Again.. I agree here and thanks for telling me as it is! I do need a reality check but as said previously its a power struggle between my stupid heart à my head!

I have a feeling he has been unfaithful in the past.. he has been married for about 20 years.

Ffs woman. You are MARRIED. So is he.

Pull yourself together.

Sooo.. you'd throw away your relationship for a man who is a serial cheater?

This is so unbelievably common op. Perhaps this is your first time but, believe me, it will happen again and is happening all around you.

Your colleagues know BTW. Just to let you know.

Move away, ask to be moved, ask for him to be moved. Don't work with him. If that means leaving your job then so be it. I guarantee once you get away from him you'll seriously wonder what on earth you were thinking.

Next time something like this fires up you'll know to do a major swerve bcs you'll know that therein trouble lies.

You are playing with fire op, really you are. Don't be stupid. Get out.

Your colleagues know BTW. Just to let you know.

This is 100% true, and making a fool of yourself to boot.

It sounds more like your head versus your lust tbh. Your heart is with your husband I think? Id guess the vast majority of married people fancy someone else during the course of their marriage. But not acting on the fancying is what's important.

@RRJR

My convictions and the guilt will not let me cross that line of cheating! I feel already guilty at the fact that I let him kiss the corner of my mouth. He acted as if he was going for my cheek but ended on my cheek/corner of my lips.
To be totally honest, yes I have been enjoying this kind of attention. I have been married for 6 years and I never looked at any other men... I feel that my colleague has time for me, he listens to me, cares for me. My relationship with my husband has been very difficult at times.. I would initiate sex but he would not be interested. I am fairly pretty and sexy, so I’ve suffered a lot from his rejections! I’ve cried a lot, tried to end it all as living with him was like living with a flatmate!! We have kids and I need him around. I know he will never let me go and I don’t want my kids to grow up without a dad.

@XXVaginaAndAUterus

I will be ready your posts before I see him next time.. I need that slap! 😫

This is a bit like when I look after friend or family's kids:

I feel that my colleague has time for me, he listens to me, cares for me

In that can be soooo patient with them and do all the fun stuff but it's while babysitting and I get to hand them back for the difficult bits!

It's because it's not real life that he seems wonderful - you get to see each other at work then clock off and go back to separate lives until you meet up for the nice bits. It's a fantasy.

Please do distance yourself OP, you should be able to leave your husband if you are unhappy but don't wait for someone else to turn your head so you have an excuse to do so.

We are both married, he is much older than me and we work together

We both opened up about some hard time we had last year and it’s like something started then.. He was been very tactile with me (touching my arm, poking me with his pen on my leg, knee touching, shoulder..)

This guy's good. Don't fall for it. You aren't his first. He's got a playbook and he's using it on you.

Also...this seems to fit, enjoy:

🎼🎵

Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly

Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast

Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast

@Springydaff
I don’t think my colleagues know as we work alone in an office and we generally keep our distance and are professional in front of others

I guess I will try to keep the office door open, to deter him and focus on work when around him. No personal chats

Why does it matter if he just wants a shag, or he actually has feelings for you?

I don’t think my colleagues know as we work alone in an office

Yeah, they know.

Why are you kissing work colleagues at all?! Stop this silly schoolgirl nonsense because at best you will make an utter fool of yourself and at worst you will ruin your and your husband's lives.

Stay away from him.

@ThatCurlyGirl

Yes... it is the attention he gives me (just like a child) that I crave. I am not getting that from my husband. When I talk to him, He doesn’t listen much and has me repeating myself again and again until I choose not to have conversations with him anymore.
Like all marriages out there, there are ups and downs..
I have strictly no one to share this situation with, hence why I am asking for help here.

So your husband won't have sex with you?

If so, I'd tell your husband you're going to have a fling and I'd go for it.