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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

871 replies

Reynolds1212 · 15/05/2019 18:46

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

OP posts:

wishingforapositiveyear · 15/05/2019 20:12

In fact when I earnt 12000 a year as a 16 year old I gave my mum £120 a week, £70 is literally his share of council tax (which you wouldn't have to pay if he left ) and maybe a few pounds of food.

ANewDawn10 · 15/05/2019 20:13

You've complained about him at length yet cant explain why you CHOOSE to be with him. Silly woman.

Snog · 15/05/2019 20:22

He is costing you money OP.
How much is 25% of your council tax?

Bin him off, let him try to live somewhere else for £70.

GarnierBBCream · 15/05/2019 20:24

Every single penny he costs you is a penny snatched out of your children's mouths. No man is worth that. He's a scumbag.

SpamChaudFroid · 15/05/2019 20:33

I just cannot get past the fact that an adult man, living in the actual world, believes that £70 a week covers his share of living costs. Your council tax alone will have increased because you've lost your 25% single person discount because of him. A large share of his £70 will be just making up the shortfall there.

Skinflints are the worst. Especially being a skinflint at somebody elses expense. I an angry on your behalf.

BuildBuildings · 15/05/2019 20:34

Jesus! I was at ltb but then read the thing about the hospital and was gobsmacked! If you're not earning loads and have kids you'd poss be better off financially without him. They may not be his kids but he's not even paying enough for his costs let alone contribute to the kids.
His behaviour also shows a lack of love and respect for you. You deserve better than that.

CaptainJaneway62 · 15/05/2019 20:36

What a nightmare situation for you to be in OP!
Borrowing money off your DM whilst he is stashing thousands away,

If you believe he is saving for a mortgage?... let me tell you he is not saving for a mortgage for you at all...he is saving for himself.

He is getting almost free board and lodgings and he is more than happy to see you go without money for food.

You need to get rid...you will find that you are financially and emotionally better off without the massive cocklodger.

averylongtimeago · 15/05/2019 20:36

You can do better than this.
He won't get any better, talking to him, explaining how much things cost, he doesn't care.

Don't saddle your self and your children with this selfish mean cocklodger any longer.
You aren't married, your name is on the lease, which makes things easier, you will be so much better off with out this freeloading leech.

AnneElliott · 15/05/2019 20:42

I agree with everyone else - bin him. Perhaps he can get other offers if he thinks £70 per week is fine for living costs.

This is why men shouldn't get a discount on CMS payments just because they lived with others kids. It's clear some of them are rolling in it at the women's expense!

Petalflowers · 15/05/2019 20:50

He asked for petrol money for the hospital!!!

Definitely tight with money.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 15/05/2019 20:57

He seems to resent your kids
He’s taking the puss massively financially (it should be 50/50, for all rent, bills, food, tv licence etc)
He won’t even take you to the hospital without asking for fuel money

What do YOU get out if this relationship?

happybunny007 · 15/05/2019 20:57

Good god, he sounds awful!

Original poster

Reynolds1212 · 15/05/2019 20:59

In answer to some of this my children’s dad leaves job everytime CSA get to him he hasn’t paid me for 18 months now despite my efforts they are still onto him though.
My partner doesn’t do housework in Answer to another question. I know he doesn’t have to pay for my kids I pay for everything for them I never ask for a penny but I have a stepdad who was amazing and treated us all the same so some men do that. I know I’m being a muppet I just didn’t realise I’m being that much of a muppet he self employed so plays with figures his ex hasn’t got a hope getting more money. I’ve realised now the situation I am in but my holiday is in 8 weeks

OP posts:

LellyMcKelly · 15/05/2019 21:03

Bin him. He’s a cock lodger who’s taking the absolute piss. Life is way too short. He’s actually costing you money.

category12 · 15/05/2019 21:04

So you're going to let him rip you off and bully you for 2 months so you can go on holiday with him.

Have you actually sat down and worked out your finances without him? A grown adult man costs a lot as a pet.

He doesn't even pull his weight practically. He causes more work and costs you. You could probably afford more holidays and have more energy to enjoy them if you dumped the fucker.

Windmillwhirl · 15/05/2019 21:07

He's using you to build up a nice savings balance for himself.

Asking for petrol money to visit your sick child = He doesn't care about you.

I'm sorry, he sounds absolutely horrendous.

slipperywhensparticus · 15/05/2019 21:07

Your holiday? Your staying with him because of a holiday? Fucks sakes I've just paid out four grand to get my ex out of my life no holiday for me and the kids this year but fuck it is worth it not to have the parasite in my life anymore

RandomMess · 15/05/2019 21:08

The fact he massages his earnings to minimise what he pays his ex tells you what sort of man he is...

LizzieSiddal · 15/05/2019 21:11

If he went, you’d be able to claim half your council tax back, all your bills would be lower, you may be entitled to tax credits and you wouldn’t have to put up with someone treating you like dirt.

Get rid of him.

poweroverme · 15/05/2019 21:12

Play him ' No Scrub' and tell him to fuck off.

He must be giving you some good boom boom to put up with this.

Afternoonteadelight · 15/05/2019 21:13

Ok , just stick in with this wonderful catch because you have a holiday booked.

Musmerian · 15/05/2019 21:14

My partner and I share all money. I have two DCs from previous marriage and we have one together. My ex does pay maintenance but that covers school fees and nothing else. I wouldn’t stay in a relationship where this happened.

IdblowJonSnow · 15/05/2019 21:14

He called you a mental cow when your son was in hospital?!
He sounds like an absolute tosser. Please get rid he us taking the piss and then some.

specterlitt · 15/05/2019 21:16

I mean this in the nicest way, why are you accepting this? Do you consider this a partnership?

Fair enough, your children are not his, that's fine. However, you have given him a roof over his head and the MINIMUM he should do is pick up half the rent and half household running costs. His excuse is poor, if he was not on the scene yes you would still be paying but his expense would no longer exist.

If you want this to work, he either finds his own accommodation and you continue a relationship like that, or he is an equal contributor and picks up half the bills, he would be paying more if you kicked him out, remind him of that.

Overall, I rarely say this as we don't get the full insight in to relationships here but you can do better. I don't think this man will ever want to do right by you or your children, he seems to do the bear minimum for his own and that speaks volumes to his character considering his earning.

Stop letting him leech off of you, do better for you and your children. All the best to you.

SignedUpJust4This · 15/05/2019 21:16

Find his passport. Chuck it away and go on the holiday yourself.

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