Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

871 replies

Reynolds1212 · 15/05/2019 18:46

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 15/05/2019 19:15

BIN. HIM. NOW

I wouldn’t trust him in a million years that he’s saving for you to both benefit from buying somewhere.

This level of tight/ selfishness is so unattractive Envy

LettuceP · 15/05/2019 19:15

God that's awful! You need to get rid, he is an absolute twat. Don't be his mug for one more minute!

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 15/05/2019 19:17

He sounds awful OP. You'd probably be financially better off without him. I can't abide meanness. DH and I have always shared finances so we both have equal amounts of spare cash regardless of who was the higher earner. I guess children from previous relationships make it more awkward, but still, he's just mean. Don't waste any more time on him - he's not a partner.

TheQueef · 15/05/2019 19:18

He's just a leech.
You are actually paying towards his upkeep.
I would hazard a guess that he negs you constantly telling you no one would be interested in you with three kids?

pallisers · 15/05/2019 19:20

Financial vampire is a great way to describe him. How could you want to have sex or have a laugh or share your troubles with someone who is so clearly only out for himself?

Get rid of him. My guess is as soon as he has his deposit saved for his house, he'll realise "the relationship is going nowhere" and move out having used you to save his money.

OhamIreally · 15/05/2019 19:20

OMG Slippery is right! I've been trying to work out how he's paying so little for his kids and he's claiming a discount for your three!
Get rid, get CSA onto your useless ex (first one Smile), claim all your single person discounts.

Don't tell me you lose your child benefit as a result of his salary?
Good luck.

mamaofboyzz · 15/05/2019 19:21

Get rid that's shocking I wouldn't dream of asking my partner for petrol money to go to the hospital. Sounds to me that he's saving for his own future

StrongTea · 15/05/2019 19:22

You are worth far better than him, he is just taking advantage of you. The good thing is it is your house, and given how little he pays you won’t miss the money when he goes.

MrPebbles · 15/05/2019 19:23

He is an absolute piss taker.

As a near 40 year old woman, with a wide range of friendships, couples, I have NEVER heard anything like this.

He is saving literally thousands every month, of which you'll never see a penny. But wants you to use your own (small) savings and leave you destitute and begging him for help?

What a cunt.

Beautiful3 · 15/05/2019 19:24

Seriously what is the point of him? kick him out. Claim tax credits to help out your house hold income.

FagashJackie · 15/05/2019 19:24

Not normal. Asking you for petrol money is beyond the pale.

lablablab · 15/05/2019 19:27

I was shocked and disgusted at his cheeky and selfish behaviour but then I got to the end about him asking for the petrol money for driving you to see your son in hospital... Shock

Please don't ever get a mortgage with him OP, he'll be financially abusive for sure. In fact, just LTB. He won't change.

pickletickled · 15/05/2019 19:27

This is definitely not normal. He is a tight greedy freeloading fucker!
ILoveMaxiBondi - that jumped straight out to me too.
If that's true then he's selling his own kids short too. Should tell you all you need to know OP
I couldn't be with a man like this.
I have a decent wage, my dh earns more than twice what I do (no shared dc nor dependants) we share things, wage proportionately like bills etc but he pays for days out and holiday etc... He would literally give me his last penny if I needed it.
Even fuckwits who I have the misfortune of having as exes didn't behave in this manner and both were controlling asses.
Get rid, you can do better. Even on your own you'd do better.

IronManisnotDead · 15/05/2019 19:28

Yes he is tight although he is not responsible for paying for your kids. I would tell him to move out and you will not be moving in when he buys 'The House he was saving for'

Go on EntitledTo and see if you are claiming everything you are entitled too, go to CSA and claim for your children.

As for your Cocklodger, are you sure he is earning as much as you say because he is paying very little for his own children if he is. And if he is earning this and contributing very little for his own kids then that speaks volumes. You might be skint OP but you are doing an amazing job without him, get rid of him.

Lost5stone · 15/05/2019 19:29

Get rid of him! He pays £60 a week for his kids?! Massive red flag there, I'd be tempted to notify CMS to be honest.

Nice partners dont watch you suffer financially whilst they sit on over £2500 a month.

The way he treats your kids is awful too. 6 years together and he doesnt even buy them bday gifts??

CoraPirbright · 15/05/2019 19:29

Words fail me....to ask you for petrol money to go to the hospital...then backtrack and say that you are the one at fault...... He is utterly VILE.

Please please get rid of this cunt (and, while we’re at it, why is the bio-dad not paying any money? That needs sorting out pronto!)

fifipop185 · 15/05/2019 19:29

Nope, he would have to go. He's just using you and your good nature as somewhere comfy and cheap to stay. Don't waste another second of your life on this user.

Shadow1234 · 15/05/2019 19:30

Agree with others - kick him out. You will be better off on your own - mentally and financially. (if you can get help with certain benefits)

ShellieEllie · 15/05/2019 19:30

And you've let him get away with this for 6 years??? Blimey you really need to get rid. Being unnecessarily tight is such an unattractive trait - what exactly are his redeeming features?

category12 · 15/05/2019 19:31

Get rid of him, if you worked it out fully, you'd find he's costing you money.

Living with someone shouldn't make you worse off.

Crazycat16 · 15/05/2019 19:32

How have you put up with this for six years? Shock

happyhillock · 15/05/2019 19:34

I spend more than £70 a week just on food for two of us, he's needing a kick into the real world, he's not responsible for your kid's, are you getting child support from their dad?, he's taking you for a mug, chuck him.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 15/05/2019 19:34

Get a lodger
Ltb
Asking you for money to drive you to see your son in hospital is the absolute pits, for that alone I would ltb

GarnierBBCream · 15/05/2019 19:34

Oh, ffs! Tell him to go! 'I'm tired of subsidising your tight arse. You need to leave by close of play next week. We're through. Find someone else to scrounge off.'

And then don't date at all until you do the Freedom Programme and learn to spot users like this deadweight.

There's nothing to save here, he's a leech.

Afternoonteadelight · 15/05/2019 19:36

What exactly is this piss taking, freeloading cocklodger bringing to the table?
His £70 pw wouldn’t even get him a room in a houseshare never mind cover his utilities .
Put your kids first and show him the door. I really believe that some women will put up with anything for the sake of having a “dp”