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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

871 replies

Reynolds1212 · 15/05/2019 18:46

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 15/05/2019 19:36

Well I think he's costing you money, he's a cocklodger, and mean with it. I would be asking him to leave. I think you'll find life much easier without him around.

ncforareason1 · 15/05/2019 19:36

Why are you calling him your partner?

At best he’s just a boyfriend at worst he’s a cocklodger.

Which is he?

clairemcnam · 15/05/2019 19:38

OP when he tells you you would have to pay for your kids whether he was living there or not. Tell him he would have to pay the real cost for food, rent and bills if he was not living with you. So why does he think if he is living with you he can pay board rather than the real cost, as if he was a teenager living with his parents?

Afternoonteadelight · 15/05/2019 19:38

A single mother of 3 having to borrow off her mother meanwhile her dp is knee deep in savings. . Why have you put up with this for so long?

notapizzaeater · 15/05/2019 19:42

How much was he paying before he moved in ? Has he always been this tight?

Regardless of him being a first class prick why is the kids dad not paying anything ?

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 15/05/2019 19:42

This isn't the kind of problem which can be solved by better communication. This kind of meanness of spirit is who he is and he sees you as an opportunity to have an easy life with very few outgoings.
Just get rid of him. Don't give him notice, throw him out now. The pain of paying for a hotel with be therapeutic for him!

SignedUpJust4This · 15/05/2019 19:42

Wow what a catch. Your life would be easier without this selfish tigharse.

Butterymuffin · 15/05/2019 19:42

If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here

So tell him that's fine, you've worked out now you will actually be better off that way so he should go. He will suddenly backtrack then, as he knows he's on a good deal, but don't give in.

aweedropofsancerre · 15/05/2019 19:43

yep agree with others he is a cocklodger.....any person who thinks they can pay 70 a week and suggest 'the kids aren't mine' therefore you would be paying anyway is an arsehole. I am assuming you may be entitled to support if your on a low wage and single person council tax. He has used you to save up his money for a nice deposit....I would be chucking him out in his ear...

SignedUpJust4This · 15/05/2019 19:46

Beware OP. There are professional cocklodgers out there who deliberately seek out single mums such as yourself to sponge off

user1486131602 · 15/05/2019 19:47

£70 a week for food! Bonus, mine only paid £32 this month for a grown up kids!
As far a hubby is concerned, take him to the supermarket and show him what things cost!

mcmooberry · 15/05/2019 19:49

OMG I could hardly read to the end of your post!! He is a disgrace, please ask him to leave. This is not normal. Don't believe for one second he is saving for a mortgage for you all. Meanness/freeloading on this scale is an unattractive a quality as is possible to imagine. He will never change, make him not your problem, the sooner the better. xx

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 15/05/2019 19:50

He’s using you to stockpile all his money for himself. He’s saving himself rent, utilities, you name it by getting it all for £270. He’s awful.

Turpy · 15/05/2019 19:50

I don’t understand how or why you’ve been happy to allow this for so long. It’s unfair on your kids.

Why would you want someone who is so selfish and unkind around your kids?

lablablab · 15/05/2019 19:51

So his outgoings are just £70 a week?? £70 for food, utility bills, council tax, tv license, water, gas, electric, internet and rent?? He's laughing he's scrounging head off! Angry

Middersweekly · 15/05/2019 19:58

Agreed it’s taking the piss. He’s lodging With you at minimal personal cost to himself. Suggesting he’s saving (how lovely for him). He pays you half of the rent, council tax and bills or he moves out!

Troels · 15/05/2019 20:02

Kick him out and dob him in to his ex about what he's really earning see if you can grab a payslip, Sounds like he likes to take financial advantage of women. Scumbag.

littlemeitslyn · 15/05/2019 20:02

😱😱😱 Ltb

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 15/05/2019 20:04

You do know that when he tells you he's saving up for a mortgage deposit that he'll purchase the property in his name only don't you. That'll be really nice for his kids. - And your kids will have been the ones to go without so that his kids could have it!

But never mind, you've got yourself a high earning boyfriend!!!!!

You need to read the thread about single mothers being targeted. Can someone link to it please, I don't know how.

junebirthdaygirl · 15/05/2019 20:07

I think asking for money to bring you to the hospital should be the straw that breaks the camels back. Even a neighbour would drop a mom to a hospital to see her sick child. He has gone too far and that's good as it finally shows you how horrible he is.
Use your anger from that to send him packing. He thinks he has you where he wants you but come on fight back and you will not know yourself.

You are young and have a good future without this leech. Shock him by showing him the door and taking back your own power. He deserves to be out on his ear. He has pushed his luck.

MargaretOfAnjou · 15/05/2019 20:07

Get rid!

LannieDuck · 15/05/2019 20:08

he keeps bringing up my £1400 saving

...and how much does he have in savings, out of interest?

Like a PP, I'm also interested in whether he contributes to the housework in any way?

fedup21 · 15/05/2019 20:10

How much has HE got in savings?!

He is treating you like a cash cow-you really need to get rid.

mike3 · 15/05/2019 20:12

What a bastard.