MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

[Reynolds1212]

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

Wow - what an utter cunt he is.
I'm so sorry he assaulted you OP.
I really hope he is punished for it.
How dare he smash up your phone and punch you.
This just goes to show you made exactly the right decision.
See what Womens Aid say. If he's been charged you may be able to get some protection order in place.
You sound so strong. Keep going.

Yes get out a non mol order now to prevent him coming near

Him being charged and freed is normal and it may well not go to court if he pleads guilty

Well you've most definitely done the right think havnt you, he's just confirming that you've made the right choice. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I use to date a man that took financial advantage, some men actually go looking for single mums with confidence issues .... you'll be more aware in future!!!
That chapter in your life is finished and a new & happier chapter ahead.
Get an injunction against him & maybe look at getting a new front door that locks when it closes.

When my ex was violent, victim support came round and installed an alarm inside the house which I turned on when I left & another that went off when the front door opened. ... made feel more secure at night & scared him off.

Lots of WiFi home security cameras on the market (doorbell ones also) that alert you of any motion, not too pricey & helped me feel secure in my home again.

how are you OP ? are you doing okay

What a cowardly cunt. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

Contact Women’s aid 0808 2000 247 [email protected]

www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact/

They will help you get a non molestation order.

www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence

They should also be able to give you practical advice on making you feel and be more secure in your home.

Don’t let him drive you and your family away.

Phone the police and get a police marker on your address, this means they can get you quickly.

What a cunt he is! I'm so sorry you have had this happen to you, what a shit he is. . Tell work the details and just why you have been "underperforming". Tell school, so they can get DC some support. And get on to the Freedom Programme ASAP. It's brilliant.

Hi guys sorry not replied as I've been using my sons phone but have a new phone now.
I am ok I had a very bad day yesterday. I feel depressed all the time and cry about silly things and having dark thoughts.
I feel a bit better today actually which is a nice surprise. I have rang my HR yesterday and told them about what has happened I'm signed off anyway but I will be paid in full for two weeks now which is a massive help. I feel lonely as I only have a couple of friends and my family don't live by me so I'm alone a lot with the kids just us it gets really lonely having no adult company around so I think that's not helping. I've not heard anything from him but he's not allowed to contact me or come by the house. Thanks for all taking the time to leave me a msg the bruise is still purple it's embarrassing I hate going out I've got to go food shopping today dreading it

Don't worry about the bruise (I hope you have photos of it though) the shame is HIS not yours. People don't generally notice, (especially on a busy shopping day) and I doubt anyone would comment anyway. Buy yourself small treats, like a mag, bubble bath, nail varnish - things just for you. Find some comedy on TV/ Netflix, and try to relax.

Stress depletes our B vitamins, so worth getting some. Try to eat well of course.

It's great (and v brave) that you have informed your work of the problems, it's one less thing to worry about, well done. xxx

You could do an online shop if you don't want to go out today. Have you started eating regularly again? I know it's difficult when you really don't fancy eating, but you will feel better after. If you still can't face eating, please try a multivit tablet or spray everyday.

If the bruise is purple, that is good as it is the stage before the yellow/green and then it disappears. Would sunglasses cover it?

Hope you feel better soon, it sounds like you were doing great before he intruded and attacked you. xxxxx

Also if you feel lonely, we are all here to chat with, doesn't have to be about your ex.

Have you got anymore clothes for your holiday yet?

I got some really nice dresses last week they were in the sale at New look.
I have been eating again a bit more I tend to be ok and eat more in the day but not eating a main meal at night times but I cooked some pasta and put it in tubs in the fridge to heat up as I find that easier to eat like not so much effort if that makes sense.
I've been shopping anyway I wear glasses sometimes so I put my my glasses on and I think that helped to hide it no one looked at me so it was ok not to bad.
I really hate him I hate everything about him I can't believe I loved him I don't think I even did love him the last year especially because he was a cruel bastard at times.
It's a relief he's gone for me and the kids it's boring and lonely but it's better then living how I was doing.
Thankyou for all of your support it means so much to me

I do love a nice dress (and a bargain)

Yep it makes sense, something quick and easy is great if you are not really wanting to eat, you can get it down before you have a chance to change your mind.

It is amazing how quickly your feelings for someone change, once you see them for who they really are. At least he can't keep driving past your home now (if he does 999 and report) that should hopefully give you some peace of mind.

Is your new phone nice?

Well done Reynolds you put that paltry £40 to good use on the dresses!

Glad you're eating a bit more - the pasta in pots is a good idea.

Have your boys said anything about how life is now? Are they happier?

They seem ok my oldest son told me I deserve better their all lovely boys very caring of me. We're in the park at the moment got out for a bit I cried a bit this morning but I've let it out now. I'm going to see the doctor get some help for my depression. I blame myself for letting this happen to me to be honest it's my fault I let it happen.

It's not your fault at all op. Anyone can be manipulated and he sounds as though he was the master. You're so brave and strong for getting rid of him.

Reynolds
You are not on your own.We are all behind you.
Take all the help you can get from the authorities.
Your lovely boys sound smashing.

This is in no way shape or form it's your fault. How could you know he would be like that?

Abuser don't start out being nasty, otherwise they would never have any relationships. They usually wait until they think you are vulnerable and then start with the abuse.

Hi guys Thankyou for that I appreciate the comments I just feel a little lost right now. It was very hard in the relationship but it's hard out of it aswell if that makes sense.
I'm trying to just live one day at a time and not think for the future for a while as it's daunting and scary.
I look so tired and drained and got myself a eye Infection aswell I think from all the crying so I look like shit.
Hoping things get better for me soon

2eternities
Is that a helpful comment? And what about ' Sack him off no use having a man with money if he won't put his hands in his pockets'
Would that be ok if it were a man speaking about a woman?!

Sorry hadn't read the full thread at time of posting. My point was this man is useless but I think OP figured that out already.

It's NOT your fault, Reynolds, it is his fault totally, as people like him are very sneaky and manipulative and mess with other people's minds.

You are stronger than you think. And now that you have more time, when you have more time and feel more settled, you can gradually get out more and make new friends.

You will know more about avoiding manipulative people generally.

Hi OP , glad to hear you're going to GP.
They may be able to offer some counselling sessions with a professional to help you overcome your feelings of blaming yourself when it is so not your fault.
In the meantime, and for as long as you need us, we are here for you. As poster said earlier it can be just for a random chat, don't feel you have to post only about him.

@Reynolds1212 I have just read this whole thread and I am so sorry that all of this has happened to you.
That 'man' is a absolute scumbag.
I hope you are feeling better and treating yourself kindly. I know it's hard right now and early days but you and your children will come through on the other side.
The better and happier side.
It will take time but you will heal.

Just wanted to send support. I think it's lonelier in a crap relationship than out of one, once you have got used to it. Your future is a happier place without him. Best wishes, and well done for all those hours and minutes and seconds that you have spent carving out a better life for yourself. You can do it x