Lies ...again..secret phone..what else!

[Los77]

Hi ..am going through hell and needs some support

I asked you for advice back in January when I found out that my H was texting another woman from his work. When I found out he said it was just friends, she makes him feel good, they get on really well and have a laugh and a joke together. He promised that nothing had happened and that his marriage was important so he will stop all communications with her but obviously will still speak to her professionally. The I found out that he was still texting her and he said that it was just friends and he felt bad as it wasn’t her fault. You all advised me to leave him but STUPID me thought we could work things out for my DS. He started leaving his phone on the sofa and said he told her that they can only communicate professionally. He took me to Paris for my birthday and I thought everything was fine.
Fast forward 5 months, I have found out that he has a second phone (when confronted he insisted it was a work phone and eventually admitted that he bought the phone to keep in touch with her as she’s a good friend and he didn’t want me to know as it would upset me). Now I know why he was leaving the other phone next to me ..as there was nothing to find.

I used the other phone to text the other woman, who seems to think we are on the verge of separation. I told her who I was an d explained what had been going on. I was very polite to her and emphasised that my issue is with my H and that I was only trying to find answers and to what extent the lies spread. She told me that there was a bit of flirting but nothing had happened. In the texts prior to me telling her who I was, it did seem that it was not a physical affair Yet!

Now me and my son are living out of suitcase in a hotel room which I cannot afford for much longer, so will have to go home soon. H cannot move as he is up to his eyes in debt – am the main earner in the house. He still wants to make things work and wants us to come home. He’s deleted his FB account, whats app etc.

Sorry for the long post and I really don’t have a question, just needed some support.x

How are things OP?

Hi @jackspratt
Well he hasnt moved as he hasnt found a place. But all quiet and civilised. Hes shown that hes been looking and viewing but will need more time to find something appropriate for DS to he able to visit/stay over.

Or he's just stringing you along...

@petitprince cant say for sure. I saw the texts from agents for viewings. I suppose it is hard to find a place in a week and move out. He is being civil so am ready to give him some more time to find an appropriate place.

Be prepared for him to drag his feet (and to push hard for him to go). He will realise life is much harder without you and will start wriggling to stay.

How are you Los?

@78percentLindt I am tagging along. nothing has changed. He hasn't moved out, claims he cannot afford to and I cannot legally chuck him out.

Sounds like the texts from agents were just to buy time. Are you living separately in the house (this is important for the solicitor when it comes to that). This means no cooking or washing for him, separate rooms etc. Have you had legal advice yet?

Also, have you withdrawn your money from the joint accounts and put it into an account only you can access? Stop paying the lion's share of everything and don't pay for his food at all.

@AiryFairyMum separate bedrooms, being civil but each keeping to themselves. He spends 90% of the time that he is home in his room watching TV!
I have moved some money around. I still do the washing when I put a load on and so does he. Same with the cooking, both cooks.