I have been married for over 30 years. We have had rocky patches but
I thought we were OK. My husband now he tells me he has been having an affair with someone at work for a year. He was prompted to tell me because she has just left him as "she can't take the lying and deceit any more" (she's also married) and she has to put her family first.
During this year of his affair I was diagnosed with and treated for cancer. Apparently the other woman felt very bad when I got the diagnosis and stopped the affair for 2 months when he told her I was cured (!). Since then she has been meeting him at work and in pubs and in my home and sleeping in my bed.
He's now sorry and wanting to get over this and make a go of our marriage if we can. My problem (one of them) is this: I can't get over the unfairness that he gets to unburden himself, she gets to go back with her husband and happy family life, and I get to deal with all the grief, the hurt, and the righteous anger. I am 60 years old. I don't want to be on my own. I want my life I had before.
He was quite unsupportive of me throughout my treatment for cancer and now I see why. He was with this woman.
I know I shouldn't blame her, but she knows me. She has spent weekends at our house in the past. She also knew that I was terrified by the cancer diagnosis (we have lots of mutual friends). She has to be to blame as well as him (I'm well aware of what he's done). But she gets to troll off back to her unwitting family and I am left with a sad, depressed man who says he's broken and needs help. He's convinced of course that she's a sweet kind person who just got carried away. Like him - neither of them want to hurt me apparently.
I don't know why I'm writing this. I'm in pieces. Is it possible to get over this?