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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

LEAVING sulking H

951 replies

jamaisjedors · 08/05/2019 21:56

I can't believe this is my third thread.

I first posted in December about my H's sulking and silent treatment - I was ready to leave then but then got persuaded to give it another go.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3448545-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking?msgid=84022238

My second thread is where everyone helped me work through what was going on, helped IRL by individual and joint counselling.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3498886-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking-part2?msgid=85957683

We have now made a joint decision to separate, and I have found somewhere to live.

I don't regret not leaving in January because I have had time to process a lot of things, confide in friends, and come to understand a lot of things about myself and H.

However, sometimes I think it would have been a lot easier to power my way out of the door whilst still fuelled with a lot of anger.

Right now I am mostly very very sad.

Today seemed like a reasonably good day, H and I managed to discuss childcare arrangements up til the school holidays quite calmly and sensibly.

We each spent time doing fun things with the DC and H is actually encouraging them to get a little excited about the new house and buying new furniture etc.

But I have just been hit by a massive wave of sadness again after overhearing part of a conversation between DC1 and a friend. DC1 was saying that he had no idea at all this was coming and had never seen us argue or fight. Sad

I was sure they were at least aware of the horrible atmosphere, particularly over the last few months so it's a bit of slap in the face to realise they had no idea at all and this must seem totally incomprehensible to them.

OP posts:
shalva · 15/05/2019 16:46

Thinking of you today and hoping that you and the children are ok

Georgepigthedragon · 15/05/2019 17:18

Thinking of you OP. This must me so worrying. I hope he is safeFlowers

FizzyGreenWater · 15/05/2019 17:37

I really hope everything is ok. Thinking of you.

Original poster
jamaisjedors · 15/05/2019 20:01

Just a quick update as I'm exhausted and going to bed but you have all been so wonderful supporting me that I didn't want to leave it any longer.

The police found H, he had been admitted to hospital on Monday night and we still don't know why the hospital didn't call me.

To be brief H had a psychotic episode on Monday in a public place and was taken to the hospital in an ambulance.

They kept him overnight.

Yesterday morning I found out where he was, and went over to the hospital with friends. They wouldn't let me see him and sent him to the psychiatric hospital nearby.

I went there and we had a lot of to-ing and fro-ing yesterday and they finally re-admitted him for the night at 1.30am after initially saying there was nothing wrong/nothing they could do.

I managed to speak to H's psychologist who said (as you all have) that she was very worried that he might harm me and I should not be alone with him and I should accelerate my plans to leave.

The staff in the psychiatric hospital said the same thing.

This morning friends came over and helped me move a lot of stuff to the new house as we thought they might send H home and everyone agreed I could not be there and neither could the kids.

In the end the hospital are keeping him under observation til Friday and will see me then too.

I will have moved all my stuff by then and if they release him, it will not be to me.

In good news, the DC have been to the house, are really enthusiastic about it, and friends have been amazing helping me pack, mow the (new) lawn, and I can see the future clearly.

Thanks for all your concern and messages, I will update when I can, but things are pretty hectic around here. x

OP posts:
Cambionome · 15/05/2019 20:04

OMG - so glad to read your update and to hear that you are ok. Flowers

CJSmith2019 · 15/05/2019 20:05

Oh so glad to hear that you and the children Arron course to be away to your new home. Have some well earned rest. Brew

CJSmith2019 · 15/05/2019 20:05

...are on...

Justbreathing · 15/05/2019 20:09

Glad you’re ok and he is.

Butterymuffin · 15/05/2019 20:09

Thank goodness you and the kids are ok and that he is somewhere he will be monitored for now. Glad you have RL friends helping you. Stay safe and update when you can but please put your own wellbeing first. Flowers

LizzieSiddal · 15/05/2019 20:11

Thank you so much for taking the time to update us. What a nightmare for you all, am pleased you are out of the house and the boys are excited about it.

Please get your fiends to help you make the house secure so you feel safe there, with extra locks etc.

RandomMess · 15/05/2019 20:11

Do glad you are ok, sounds like hospital aren't convinced it was genuine...

Thanks to you and the DS - onwards and upwards.

kbPOW · 15/05/2019 20:12

So glad you're okay and ensuring your safety. There are some advantages to the involvement of psychiatry. So many of these vile men don't come to the attention of services and ex wives and partners live in fear.

cstaff · 15/05/2019 20:13

Oh Jamais I am so relieved to hear from you and that you are ok or as ok as can be expected in the circumstances.

I am sorry to hear about your husband. I am relieved to hear that you are out of the house along with the kids. Try and get some rest. It sounds like you are going to need it. Look after yourself Flowers

woolduvet · 15/05/2019 20:18

Oh bloody hell. Thanks so much for the update as I've been quite worried.
At least he's getting the help he needs I guess.
Stay safe.

CarpeVitam · 15/05/2019 20:22

Jamais, thanks so much for the update! It's good to hear you are now in the process of moving into your new home. Take care Thanks

Nix32 · 15/05/2019 20:27

Thank you so much for updating - very glad to hear you are all safe. He is definitely in the best place and it sounds as if the doctors know what they're doing. So pleased you've been able to get into the house and the children like it.

foreverhanging · 15/05/2019 20:29

Keep on keeping on op

popehilarious · 15/05/2019 20:31

So sorry to hear this as must be a tumultuous time, but so glad you are all ok. And this has been a real lesson to me to 'see' this (what everyone warned about!) in real time - how quickly it escalates and the real risk of harm - obviously I only have your posts to describe it but you write so well.

winecigsandchoc · 15/05/2019 20:33

@jamaisjedors thank you for taking the time to update, you must be so overwhelmed right now. I've been thinking about you a lot and worrying. So pleased you've moved out and the authorities are involved. Are the police involved at this stage? You may consider asking the psych or the hospital ward manager to get in touch with the police DV people to explain the situation. The police may be able to install a panic alarm and/or emergency trigger to your phone number. Just to help you feel extra secure.

Just keep swimming

longtimelurkerhelen · 15/05/2019 20:33

Thank god you are all safe. Thank you for letting us know how you are especially as you are tired and probably emotionally drained. As you can see we were all worried and thinking of you. Flowers

I’m really glad to hear that you will all be at your new house this week.

Once H is released and home, please make sure you have someone else with you whenever you see him for at least the next few weeks. For his own phycologist and the Hospital to warn you, H’s thoughts must be all over the place.

Hope you have a good rest.

BackwardsGoing · 15/05/2019 20:42

Flowers Jamais. Keep safe.

TowelNumber42 · 15/05/2019 20:44

Just goes to show, it was him not you all along, if he becomes psychotic due to you breaking free
Especially as you've broken free in such a gentle reasonable manner with clear communication and plenty of chances for him to change.

Stay safe. Hope the new place is amazing and the children love it.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/05/2019 20:48

Take care - I am very glad you are 'ok' although this must be awful. It's a very good thing you already have a psychologist who knows the background. I would second the idea of asking for an emergency alarm or similar.

Misty9 · 15/05/2019 20:49

jamais so sorry to hear how he's reacted but it sounds like you're being so strong and containing for your kids Flowers make sure you look after you too (better than I am doing) x

ThenOutCameTheSunshine · 15/05/2019 20:51

Sorry to hear what's happened with your H but I'm pleased to see that you're not letting this stop you.

Keep moving forward OP. You're doing great.