Husband had thrown me out.

[Carnoet78]

I’m devastated, I had a stupid fling over a couple of weeks which he found out about. We’re not together, I’m on my own, hotel hopping. I have three young children, one of which is disabled and I’m her registered carer. I have no job, no transport nowhere to live and no money. He won’t let me back home. I spend my days crying my heart out. I suffer with depression anyway but this is the lowest I’ve ever been.

Shinyshoe posters dont ask how involved the father is with the kids, and how distressed the kids will be, before saying the cheating man should leave the house asap.
Totally true that many men are rubbish or less involved in the parenting of their own kids, but no one is bothered either way if he is main or equal carer in the "he's cheated" threads.

"I'm devastated"
"I've been crying my eyes out"
"This is the lowest I've ever been"

And you want to add to that misery?

I certainly don't condone cheating. But if a man came on here saying exactly the same thing, my response would be the same.

You cannot throw your marital spouse out of your jointly owned home.

Everyone should be given help to get back to their children unless they are abusing them.

The guilt she feels is probably enough without you adding to it. If she came on here saying "I had an affair which I actually enjoyed and really don't give a toss about the consequences." That would be entirely different and I would be adjusting my response accordingly.

As for a large number of women who come on here and get told to throw the bastard out etc. In my experience, that only happens when he tries to gaslight his partner, consistently lies and covers up, tries to make her think it's in her head and shows absolutely no remorse whatsoever by trying to blame his actions on the woman. Or at least that's the only time I encourage space and time apart. Again, totally different situation.

The OP is asking for advice on how to get back to her kids. Kids should NEVER be used as pawns in a break up. They should never be used as a way to punish someone else. Helping the OP to get back to her kids is not condoning her actions.

probably should have thought about that beforehand you cheated.

Not really plinkplink. It's understandable that he wants space from her right now, it's only been 2 weeks. And OP says she's upset at being thrown out, not that she has the affair. She hasn't told her husband about the affair, he "found out".

How are you funding a hotel if you have no money?

As PP have said, it's still your home and you need to go back.

Please don't expect any sympathy though, you likely won't get any on here, and rightly so.

If your husband is an alcoholic you can't leave him to care for the children you should be in the house even if you aren't together then divorce and sort it out like adults, the children need you both to be civil

The double standards in this thread astound me. If the genders were reversed everyone would be screaming "throw him out and change the locks".

She's upset she's been separated from her children, Trees.

A consequence she should have thought of yes, but its happened now and she wants help to get back to them.
I haven't heard about gas lighting.
I haven't seen a lack of remorse. But I feel that here we will not agree so it is perhaps futile to continue.

I do however, agree that time is needed. Very valid point.
OP, perhaps you need to wait a little. Give your husband time to process? 2 weeks is a very short time to take on board all of this.

So I have a disabled dc, but I'm not a registered carer. and what Is like to where are the case workers, GP, Consultant, Holpital, social services and children's protection and lots if other agencies that are involved in all this. They'd all have a lot to say if the registered carer was kicked out especially if the current carer us known to them as an alcoholic. Something doesn't feel right about this.

Disney you made a good point. The op gave up her career to look after her children because of one stupid night. He is also an alcoholic. You bored op because none of that makes sense.

I take it back I don't think I read it well. Because of one stupid night you have nothing.

Also schools , the school would be expecting the registered carer to be doing the pickups, nit a week goes by when I don't get a call about my DC Again if DC blabbed to the school that mums been kicked out, they'd be on to children's protection immediately.

Also there is little the police can do other than to do a welfare check and ask the OH to be reasonable and amicable and resolve the situation sensibly, especially if no violence or disturbance has taken place.

Yes this one just doesn't ring true to me at all. Like others have pointed out, if the husband is an alcoholic why wasn't this mentioned straight away? If op is the registered carer why can she not involve authorities? Was it one night or two weeks she had the affair? Nonsense.
More bothered about herself it seems, there's more to this.

I don't care what OP has done. You don't get kept from your children for being unfaithful, man or woman.

Go home to your children NOW OP. Don't let him or anyone on here tell you it's right that you are being prevented from being with your children.

Anyone who says otherwise is a complete idiot.

The kids have been off school for the Easter holidays, Disney, so wouldn't have had much chance to blab to anybody. And maybe their df told them not to?

We're in May the Easter holidays were in April.

Why should he be the one that has to leave the home and have every weekend etc with the children when it was the wife who had the fling?

What if he can't function without the girls? Or does that not matter?

Sorry those saying she should go back are being very hyprocritical as they would never say that if the genders were switched. As for the kids coming first, maybe the husband is looking after them.

If the kids are safe in his care, then you need to back off and let the situation calm down. You need to apologise and explain, but please stop the ' I am the victim' speech. You are solely responsible for what has happened and your poor husband and kids are suffering more from your selfish actions