Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband had thrown me out.

143 replies

Carnoet78 · 08/05/2019 09:27

I’m devastated, I had a stupid fling over a couple of weeks which he found out about. We’re not together, I’m on my own, hotel hopping. I have three young children, one of which is disabled and I’m her registered carer. I have no job, no transport nowhere to live and no money. He won’t let me back home. I spend my days crying my heart out. I suffer with depression anyway but this is the lowest I’ve ever been.

OP posts:
PinkHeart5914 · 08/05/2019 11:54

He seems to have been very keen to get rid of you Oh gosh does he? I wonder why? Oh yes OP has been shagging someone else, I’d want rid as well to be honest.

Why he let you take the children is beyond me, I would of kicked you out in a heart beat but no way would my children of been going with you.

You made this mess, you but the children need a home as they aren’t to blame for what you done. He needs to at least have the children go home, either with or without you. You NEED to woman up and talk to him because the dc need to go home

Really hope your fling was a good shag and worth all this.....

yetanothernewusername1 · 08/05/2019 11:55

@PinkHeart5914 try reading the whole thread Hmm

00100001 · 08/05/2019 12:08

Singlenotsingle Where do you think she should stay,001? Under the bridges?

OK, so how does she stay in hotels for two weeks with no money?

PlinkPlink · 08/05/2019 12:22

Oh God, MN you bunch of vile snakes.

I think OP knows what she did was wrong. You don't have to like it but adding to her misery is not going to help.

Some people like to post on here to make themselves feel better. Because they'd never be stupid enough to do that. Get off your high sodding horse and help someone get back to their children ffs!

I agree with PP. Get a police escort if you must to return home. It'll be a pretty miserable situation but at least you'll be back with your kids.

Seek some legal help if you can? CAB might be able to help? They might be able to point you in the right decision.
Is there any family you can ask to help at all? Or friends?

You're in for a rough ride, as I'm sure you know. But you will survive. What's important is that you stay strong for your kids. That's the most important thing here - Your kids.

downcasteyes · 08/05/2019 12:26

"Oh God, MN you bunch of vile snakes."

Quite. This site is enough to make anyone despair of humanity sometimes. I honestly think that about 50% of posters are suffering from some kind of condition that makes them unable to experience normal levels of empathy and compassion.

Bunnylady53 · 08/05/2019 12:28

Come on guys - it’s “ have” not “ of”!!

Kazzz65 · 08/05/2019 12:29

Agreed... Alot of judgemental and nasty people here.. People make mistakes, try giving her some constructive advice instead of making her feel worse. If you cant say anything useful.. don't bother saying anything at all!!

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 12:31

I assume you’ll all be lining up to tell the next poster who tells us her husband has cheated that he just made a mistake, he deserves sympathy, etc?

Kazzz65 · 08/05/2019 12:35

Ivanapee... He probably does if he's married to one of these witches from here 🙄

Singlenotsingle · 08/05/2019 12:35

pinnkheart there's no point coming on here at a late stage and not having rtft first. The dc are still in the house with their df who is apparently an alcoholic. OP needs to get back to take care of them. Do you have any useful advice or are you just here to hurl abuse?

bamboofibre · 08/05/2019 12:35

My life is a bit of a mess, no cheating, just caring responsibilities, a major bereavements and depression, so I want to know how you afford a hotel for 2 weeks with no money. Please do tell! I need a break big time!

PlinkPlink · 08/05/2019 12:42

IvanaPee

In the situation where a husband came on here, expressed genuine remorse, acknowledged he fucked up big time and wanted help to get back to his children, I would say exactly the same thing.

People deserve empathy and compassion, especially if they recognise where they have gone wrong and just want to do the right thing by their children.

crosspelican · 08/05/2019 12:45

@carnoet78 This really isn't the time for self pity. You don't have "nothing", you have a house, three children and a carer's allowance, which may be only £66 a week, but it's a start.

Your husband cannot legally stop you entering and LIVING IN YOUR HOUSE.

If you are fearful for your safety, the police will escort you home, and remove him if necessary.

You have all the time in the world for self pity when you get back HOME and to your children.

Then you can start planning what happens next, i.e. a job, car and driving licence. For now, you have one job. GO HOME.

Are you afraid of your husband? Do you believe that your physical safety at risk if you go home?

Answering practical questions is the most useful thing you can do on this thread now. Ignore the moral police on here, you didn't ask for opinions about that. You came looking - I presume? - for practical advice, right?

martinidry · 08/05/2019 12:46

It costs nothing to be kind. No one died. How the original poster is in this position is not really anyone else's business. She's come here to ask for advice on how to get out of it.

As others have said, carnoet78, you have a legal right to live in the family home and you need to ensure that your daughters aren't in the sole charge of an alcoholic. Go back and attempt access. If you meet any resistance or if you fear violence before or after trying to enter the property request police accompaniment.

Then set about ensuring that all benefits are in your name, that you have all your paperwork and financial information secure away from anyone else, and make arrangement to find a solicitor for further advice. For what it's worth trying to raise three children, one disabled, while married to an alcoholic must have been hell. Divorce can only benefit you and your daughters.

crosspelican · 08/05/2019 12:47

I assume you’ll all be lining up to tell the next poster who tells us her husband has cheated that he just made a mistake, he deserves sympathy, etc?

It's just not hugely relevant to this thread right now. The OP hasn't asked for justification at any point. She clearly knows she made a mistake, and now has to face the practical solutions to the fact that she (mistakenly) believes herself to be homeless and cut off from her children.

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 12:49

In the situation where a husband came on here, expressed genuine remorse

We must be reading different threads.

So far I’ve seen a poster who’s crying about the fact that she has nothing, no money, no job, no house.

Who has left her children with their alcoholic father. And that little tidbit was thrown in before bemoaning her Fate again calling her affair a slip up.

Treesthemovie · 08/05/2019 12:58

Hmm, it is true, if a man posted that he had cheated and his wife has thrown him out nobody would be posting about how vulnerable he must be, how his wife must do nothing with the kids, etc.
Women are advised on here to throw out cheating men asap. No one stops to say how will the kids feel and won't they miss their dad in those posts.

ShinyShoe · 08/05/2019 13:00

You need to go back to the house right now. It’s your house too and he has no right to kick you out. Legally you own half and you are your child’s registered carer. Regardless of the fling, legally the courts look at what is in the best interests of the child. Not you, not your husband but the kids interests come first. That will be your children staying in the house with you because that’s their “norm”. Morality doesn’t come into this. Right now the legalities and the child’s interests must be paramount. Go home and resume your normal routine. Google divorce solicitors in your area and find one that will give you free half hour advice. You must do that right now to make sure your interests are protected. Your husband must not say anything about any of this to the children. If he does, it’s parental alienation and that is now illegal and courts will remove custody from parents that do that. Your sex affairs are no business of the kids. Your parenting skills and your affair are two different things.

Treesthemovie · 08/05/2019 13:00

I'm not saying that women shouldn't dump cheating men btw - just that assuming that op is in tragic circumstances and her husband is evil for throwing her out, when he is no doubt angry right now over her affair, seems unfair.

ShinyShoe · 08/05/2019 13:03

To all the above posters saying hypocritical etc in most of those cases it is the right thing to do to make the man leave because they tend to not be the primary carer for the children. The primary carer should remain in the marital home. Therefore it is not hypocritical or different in this case. The OP is the primary carer, her husband is an alcoholic and she is the registered carer for a disabled child. If the OP was a man and the registered carer then my advice would be exactly the same.

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 13:06

Telling the OP that a judge will immediately move to remove custody from the husband if he tells the children she cheated is total bullshit.

How is that helpful to the OP? It takes a lot more than that.

Singlenotsingle · 08/05/2019 13:10

I think that sometimes people just make things up as they go along, Ivana.

bamboofibre · 08/05/2019 13:10

100% agree with Ivana. Total double standards here and the 'kindess' card already thrown in.

ShinyShoe · 08/05/2019 13:26

I didn’t say that they “immediately” remove custody. Jeez. Actually read comments properly. Parental alienation is a serious concern and the courts take a dim view of it. The OP should be aware of that and if the husband is bad mouthing her and telling the kids what she’s done then make sure to make him aware of that fact.

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 13:28

Once more. Slowly: the “courts” will NOT remove custody from a parent who tells children about another parent’s affair.