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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband had thrown me out.

143 replies

Carnoet78 · 08/05/2019 09:27

I’m devastated, I had a stupid fling over a couple of weeks which he found out about. We’re not together, I’m on my own, hotel hopping. I have three young children, one of which is disabled and I’m her registered carer. I have no job, no transport nowhere to live and no money. He won’t let me back home. I spend my days crying my heart out. I suffer with depression anyway but this is the lowest I’ve ever been.

OP posts:

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 10:51

Apologies Holes. One post made a dig with no follow-up advice so yes, the thread is saturated with useless keyboard warriors. 🙄

FizzyGreenWater · 08/05/2019 10:51

It's your house.

He doesn't have the right to throw you out.

Police escort back, and start sorting out your separation.

Singlenotsingle · 08/05/2019 10:52

Where do you think she should stay,001? Under the bridges?

Mintychoc1 · 08/05/2019 10:54

who is looking after the kids now?

idbenappingbutthedogbarked · 08/05/2019 10:59

When women post on here that a partner has cheated the advice is to ask him to stay elsewhere, but that legally you can't change the locks or kick them out. Speak to the police op.

Baxdream · 08/05/2019 11:06

So if we switch the sexes would people be saying the same?
It seems husband is capable of looking after the children.

I have very little sympathy I'm afraid. We all have tough times but we respect our vows and don't cheat

WienerDiva · 08/05/2019 11:11

I'm not condoning anything.

But yes a lot of women come on here and say their partners have cheated.

It takes a lot, I think to own up to it on here.

I'm sure OP is kicking herself and realises her mistake.

But she's come on here, probably knowing full well that she'll get some vitriol and she's asking for help.

I don't see many men come on here and ask for help in the same way when they have cheated.

KennyCalmIt · 08/05/2019 11:13

Wow, some of you posters are absolutely horrible

You don’t know the full details. Cheating isn’t always black and white! I’m sure if the OP had posted that the husband was abusive and that’s why she ended up in the arms of another man, you’d all be replying differently!

Let’s face it, regardless of the circumstances, a man who can see his 3 kids (with one being disabled) homeless and hotel hoping doesn’t exactly sound like a decent man, does it

I’m not blaming the man for the OP’s fling. But nobody knows the full details.

churchthecat · 08/05/2019 11:14

Yep this always happens.

When it's a man that cheats the answers are always LTB, change the locks, kick him out, send him to a hotel.

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 11:15

Kenny, the children are at home. 🙄

Bluestitch · 08/05/2019 11:18

Bit odd coming on to rant at posters for being horrid and not knowing the full details, whilst clearly having not even read the OP's 2 posts enough to have picked up on the main detail of the thread which is that she is currently separated from her kids!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/05/2019 11:19

how is is you have "no money" but are able to stay in hotels? confused

Where do you think she should stay,001? Under the bridges? biscuit

I think you completely misunderstood the question there and just jumped right in to hurl a biscuit.

It clearly wasn't any kind of value judgement as to why OP felt she deserved to live it up in hotels - just a genuine question as to how she could afford it with no money.

If hotels were charities available to all purely on the basis of need for somewhere to stay rather than businesses available only to those with the ability to pay, why would there be any homeless people living on the streets?

Aprillygirl · 08/05/2019 11:32

Blimey when I suffered with depression I didn't even want to have sex with my husband let alone other men. How are you managing to pay for the hotels OP and how is your husband managing the kids and work? He will not be able to take time off to look after the kids indefinitely so once he's calmed down he will have no choice but to try to resolve this really.

JenniferJareau · 08/05/2019 11:36

just a genuine question as to how she could afford it with no money.

I am assuming that OP has a credit card she can use. Doesn't mean she can pay the balance off but she can use a card if she is under the credit limit.

nespressowoo · 08/05/2019 11:36

Hmmm I am finding it hard to have any sympathy but he needs to give you access to the house.

stucknoue · 08/05/2019 11:39

Remember if the shoe was on the other foot the advice here would be to kick him out and file for divorce.

You need to arrange to speak to him and either agree to separate with terms you can accept or try to repair your relationship. The police will not want to get involved in your problems but can assist you with access to collect your things. I suggest you see a solicitor ASAP if separating so you can establish your claim on the property

Original poster

Carnoet78 · 08/05/2019 11:42

I have been married for 17 years. My husband is an alcoholic. I chose to give up my career for my children. Because of one stupid night I have nothing.

OP posts:

Aprillygirl · 08/05/2019 11:45

You seem more worried about yourself than the fact that your kids are being looked after by an alcoholic OP And I thought you said it was a 2 week fling not a one nighter?

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 08/05/2019 11:46

If your husband is an alcoholic - he cannot be left in sole charge of 3 children. Please go to the police, gain access to your home and DC - then seek legal advice ASAP

Gigglinghysterically · 08/05/2019 11:46

@slashlover
I totally agree. The double standards on these forums are ridiculous.

@Rain0ntheW1nd0w
OP doesn't need to claim Child Allowance in her name in order to receive National Insurance credits. She can claim Carers' Credit as she receives Carers' Allowance.

@hellsbellsmelons
"So your DH is now not working and looking after all 3 girls.
How long can he maintain that?"

Maybe OP's DH could decide to be a SAHF and take on role of carer for the disabled DC? I'm sure a father could mantain looking after his DC just as well and for as a mother can. He could give up his job and claim benefits and carers' allowance.

Mintychoc1 · 08/05/2019 11:47

OP if you want any meaningful advice or sympathy, you're going to have to be more clear about the situation. Giving little nuggets of information, and colossal drip-feeds like your husband's alcoholism, won't enable people to help.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 08/05/2019 11:48

@Aprillygirl Maybe OP meant over a couple of weeks ago? But yes - the well being of the DC is paramount

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 08/05/2019 11:50

All the more reason you go home then??!! It is your home as well and he cannot prevent you from accessing it or living there. Why can't you go home?

Quartz2208 · 08/05/2019 11:52

You dont have nothing - you have a joint house which you need to go back to now. He has no right to throw you out.

Go back and start sorting this out properly

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 11:52

So now he’s an alcoholic, and it was one night not a couple of weeks?

So, you’re more worried about the fact that you have nothing than that you’ve left your children, one of whom requires a carer, in the sole charge of an alcoholic?

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