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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband had thrown me out.

143 replies

Carnoet78 · 08/05/2019 09:27

I’m devastated, I had a stupid fling over a couple of weeks which he found out about. We’re not together, I’m on my own, hotel hopping. I have three young children, one of which is disabled and I’m her registered carer. I have no job, no transport nowhere to live and no money. He won’t let me back home. I spend my days crying my heart out. I suffer with depression anyway but this is the lowest I’ve ever been.

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 08/05/2019 10:07

Context is everything. Why did you cheat, OP?

WienerDiva · 08/05/2019 10:07

"Taking the piss"

The relationship and it's failings aren't the fault of the children. If a child has a disability and is in need of its carer then that's of paramount importance.

Kazzz65 · 08/05/2019 10:09

I stayed in hotels for 5 days until things calmed down then tell him you're coming back to discuss what to do next. You might be able to save the marriage and if not you can start separation and discuss divorce. Either way he's going to be hurt and angry at first but you have to find some courage to deal with this, be strong xxx

wengie · 08/05/2019 10:11

He doesn't have the right to take possession of the house

It might not be in her name so he has every right to have who he wants in his house. The law cant do nothing about that.

Prequelle · 08/05/2019 10:12

single so why are you questioning the husbands motives then? Your comment was clearly trying to question his actions. He probably wanted her out as quickly as possible because in that moment he was hurt, angry etc and wanted her away from him. It's a natural reaction.

Now they both need to be the adults they are and communicate to get their kids taken care of properly.

wiener what are you talking about? Where did I say any of it was the fault of the children? I merely said it's ridiculous that police time needs to be wasted escorting someone back home because of their own mess.

downcasteyes · 08/05/2019 10:12

I think there are two issues here. The first is the relationship and its breakdown in the wake of cheating, which is up to the people concerned. If her husband doesn't want to continue the relationship, then he has every right to make that choice.

The second, however, is housing. The DH may not want to be with the OP any more, but does he have a practical, legal right to make her and her children homeless? Can you tell us a bit more about your housing situation, OP, so that we can give you some practical help. Do you own your own home? If you rent, is your name on the lease?

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/05/2019 10:12

Are you ok op?
I hope you get help from the police so you can go home and be with your children.

wengie
Get a job and continue to see the children. Wtf? Op is her child’s carer. She doesn’t lose the right to be the primary carer and caregiver to her children because she had an affair.

mawof3soontobe · 08/05/2019 10:13

If this was a man and father writing this the replies would be shockingly different. What a joke

Missingstreetlife · 08/05/2019 10:13

Not if they are married. Or if house in joint names. Legal advice asap.

diddl · 08/05/2019 10:14

When you say he won't let you back home-do you mean he would physically push you out of the house?

Is he currently caring for your daughter?

Don't see why he should have to leave either tbh, but if you're splitting then it's about the kids.

RosaWaiting · 08/05/2019 10:14

wait, what? he threw you out, that's one thing.

has he thrown out the DC as well?!

Prequelle · 08/05/2019 10:14

If this was a man and father writing this the replies would be shockingly different. What a joke

I don't usually agree with this but I absolutely do in this instance.

RosaWaiting · 08/05/2019 10:15

oh sorry, you said you are on your own. Phew.

Bluestitch · 08/05/2019 10:15

It might not be in her name so he has every right to have who he wants in his house.

They are married so it doesn't matter whose name is on the deeds.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/05/2019 10:15

mawof3
Not if the father was carer and primary care giver to his children.

RiversDisguise · 08/05/2019 10:16

Unkind to cheat on your husband, but it's done.

You are entitled to go home. Do ypu geel its safe to do so?

Do you have no friends to go to? What about the other man/woman?

Singlenotsingle · 08/05/2019 10:16

And yes I do think there's something else going on; a backstory. Not suggesting that he was up to no good, but something there had gone seriously wrong.

SweeneyToddFlyingSquad · 08/05/2019 10:16

Fucking hell...does anybody know the circumstances behind all this..no I fucking thought not..all you keyboard warriors dying to jump on OP..how about looking at it from another angle.. she looks after a disabled child..prob gets no help from husband.. stressed to fuck and someone shows her some affection..she's vulnerable and takes the affection..easily done when you're vulnerable don't you think??

wengie · 08/05/2019 10:17

Get a job and continue to see the children. Wtf? Op is her child’s carer. She doesn’t lose the right to be the primary carer and caregiver to her children because she had an affair.

Grow up her name might not be on the lease or the house. So what do you intend she do in legal terms. She needs to go to the council with her children and explain the situation so they can house her with her children.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 08/05/2019 10:17

Not if the father was carer and primary care giver to his children

There is nothing at all to say that the Father is not caring for his children.

RiversDisguise · 08/05/2019 10:17

Do you feel it's *

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 10:17

This man shouldn’t have to leave because his wife slept around. 🙄

Yes she needs to get back and sort care for her child out. But he’s not the bad guy here...

crosspelican · 08/05/2019 10:17

Are you married? If not, are you a legal co-owner or co-tenant of the house? If the answer is yes to either question, he cannot "have you thrown out" because you have an equal legal right to be there.

Where are the children?

I realise that you are depressed, but are you really spending the entire day doing nothing but crying your eyes out? What family/friends support do you have?

You can actually go to the police and tell them that your husband won't physically let you back into your own property and they will sort it. You're not the one wasting police time, your husband is. Infidelity isn't great, but it shoudln't become a police matter - that's on your husband, not you.

Are your children being rendered homeless by this, or are they at home with their father?

You CAN get really great, solid advice on here, but you have to give a little more information.

TeacupDrama · 08/05/2019 10:18

if they are married the home is a marital asset regardless of whose name is on the deeds
I don't have much sympathy for OP she has ruined and devastated the family by her actions, however legally she can't be locked out and he can't change the locks and the children's needs come first
but I understand his actions but now given a few days they should be able to discuss children's needs even if it requires a mediator
I can understand why her husband is angry and if she is primary carer she will almost certainly end up in the family home while he has to move out and see children less frequently because she decided to cheat, he will end up worse off

happyhillock · 08/05/2019 10:20

I can understand your husband's reaction to your fing, i've been where he is at the moment, i asked my EXH to leave he had plenty places to go, i would call the police to get you back into the house, you need to be there for your children, wether your marriage will survive is another story,