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Original poster

Odd thing to say at the end of a great conversation

121 replies

Cherryblossom200 · 06/05/2019 06:49

Hello,

So I’ve decided to start dating again and this time I’m using Bumble. Quite like it so far.

Last night I was having a decent chat with a guy online and he asked if we could chat on the phone which I like.

We had a great chat for approximately one hour and I thought yep I’d quite like to meet up. Then he said that not to worry when his online profile disappears, I asked why and he said because when he chats to someone he likes he feels it’s only fair to take his online profile down. Confused

Now I’m all for honesty etc but I am I odd in thinking this was a strange thing to say so early on? I told him we haven’t met yet, he is still there entitled to meet who he likes at this stage!

He asked me earlier if I was chatting to anyone else and I said no as I had only joined the site recently.

I felt odd at the end of the call, I went from feeling like ‘I really like this guy’ to that weird eek feeling in an hour.

Am I overreacting? Hmm

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 06/05/2019 06:54

I'd be extremely wary indeed. No reason to remove his profile unless

A: He's married and has now found a possible side shag and wants to have the least risk possible...so removes profile when he's found likely candidate.

B: He's a serial killer avoiding detection.

Whisky2014 · 06/05/2019 06:56

Seems needy

ShinyShoe · 06/05/2019 06:56

Ugh that’s too weird. Don’t meet him! Asking if you’re chatting to anyone else!?! Controlling.

TooTrueToBeGood · 06/05/2019 06:57

I'm an old fashioned sort and if i met someone I hoped would develop into something I would stop looking elsewhere. I would do so quietly though. Openly declaring exclusivity so early just seems a bit too full on. My life experience is that people who fall into love fast tend to fall out if it just as quickly. I think they're drawn to the synthetic intensity they create rather than the person they claim to be so in to.

daisychain01 · 06/05/2019 06:58

In one way that approach would freak me out and scare me off that early on, but seeing it from his pov he may be trying to (clumsily) signal that he's a person of commitment.

Actually when you consider how many men are the converse of this, wanting to keep their options open and keeping their profile live a year after you thought you'd gone exclusive, maybe he's bucking the trend and actually has a decent set of values!

I'd meet him, keep an open mind and decide if he's the former or the latter kind of guy.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 06/05/2019 06:59

My thoughts exactly. He is divorced and I’m tending to believe him on that.

More it felt a bit ‘controlling’ and I’m not comfortable with that at all.

Really glad we had the phone call, goes to show it can highlight red flags really quickly..

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 06/05/2019 07:02

Daisy I think you are spot on. But it still made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

He said I was like a breath of fresh air compared to the other women he has chatted to which was a nice compliment. But I’m not really to be exclusive Shock

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 06/05/2019 07:04

I'm with you, Tootrue, I would have not said anything but taken a wait and see approach.

As it turned out DH and I jointly decided to have a ceremonial "retirement of the profiles" on a Sunday afternoon a few weeks after we started dating, so the creep factor wasn't an issue!

daisychain01 · 06/05/2019 07:08

Aww that's a promising start Cherryblossom, that's a helluva lot nicer that some sleazeball sending you a nude photo of his bits. Honestly, the amount of guys who think that's a great alternative to a chatup line nowadays - they are clueless.

See how it goes, you could have a keeper there, but as you say, it's early days!

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 06/05/2019 07:12

Thanks Daisy. I still don’t know...

His photos were mostly selfies so I asked if he could send a few photos of himself just doing stuff. Like I have some of me on my bike etc.

He said he is mostly behind the camera and send a load of photos of his kids and the places he has visited. His kids looks lovely and they do stuff I do with my DD, but again I wondered why there were no photos of himself.

Maybe I’m being over cautious 😝

OP posts:
JeSuisPrest · 06/05/2019 07:14

Could be a red flag, you'll find if when you meet up with him if he seems very intense/overly keen or asks you to hide your profile. There's an online dating thread you're most welcome to join in with www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3577350-Dating-Thread-158-Dont-wait-until-the-iron-is-hot-to-strike?msgid=86843475#86843475 do come and say hello. We're a friendly bunch sharing the highs and lows of OLD with plenty of laughs along the way...

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 06/05/2019 07:15

Thanks Jesuis 😊 I will do 👍

OP posts:
newyearoldme · 06/05/2019 07:19

I'd be super wary of anyone sharing pictures of their kids tbh.... shows that he doesn't 'do' boundaries.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 06/05/2019 07:21

He sent them to me on WhatsApp not on the dating site.

But still I am a stranger to him..

I think maybe I’ll move into the next person 😆

OP posts:
DustOffYourHighestHopes · 06/05/2019 07:21

I’m automatically wary of someone who says things like ‘you’re not like the other girls’ etc etc.

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 06/05/2019 07:22

It’s a classic line that is used by men who feel permanently misunderstood and taken for granted by womanhood, who mysteriously don’t get along with him and mysteriously don’t want to date him.

LizzieSiddal · 06/05/2019 07:29

I was ready to say, give him a chance, maybe another phone call or meet him for a coffee. But then you said he sent you pics of his children!
No I wouldn’t want a relationship who someone whothinks that’s ok, after an hours chat. It’s very odd behaviour!

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 06/05/2019 07:32

I know, it is a bit odd especially when I asked for photos of himself. I don’t really like selfies, I prefer to see photos of people enjoying their hobbies.

OP posts:
JaretsGirlfren · 06/05/2019 07:37

My ex boyfriend believed in ‘monogamy before we met’ (his words) which I found rather full on but went with it...six months in he chatted up one of my closest friends on POF fucking genius

LizzieSiddal · 06/05/2019 07:51

Do go with your instincts and ditch him.

category12 · 06/05/2019 07:54

Seems like he's on fast forward. I'd be wary.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 06/05/2019 07:58

👍 thanks everyone. I think I’ll leave it. My instincts are screaming out - walk away.

OP posts:
PaperHead · 06/05/2019 08:01

Honestly, I doubt I have a single photograph of me ‘enjoying my hobbies’, or many photos of myself at all that aren’t selfies — I don’t think that is at all unusual, so I would discount that when you are deciding whether to have any further contact. Yes, sending photos of his children suggests poor judgement, but it’s possible he panicked if you made it clear that selfies weren’t enough, and you wanted more photos of him doing things.

Personally, I’d find it slightly odd if someone had lots of photos of themselves running 10 ks or at a pottery class.

Figure8 · 06/05/2019 08:08

Ditch, yes. But...

How are people meant to have pics of them enjoying their hobbies?

" Hey, DS, can you please take a picture of me reading?"

" here's one my dd took of me going to the cinema"

" sir, excuse me...can you just take a picture of me walking my dog"?

I'm teasing but also genuinely curious.

Bloody hell I'm boring.

Grin
Lala503 · 06/05/2019 08:22

I actually think it's nice! I met a guy speed dating and as soon as he knew I'd 'ticked' him back (it all happens online after the event, a bit like OLD) his first message to me was - I'm taking myself off here now, you're the only one I was interested in. (I'd ticked a fair few others).
Anyway we have been married several years now and have a gorgeous DS!