Odd thing to say at the end of a great conversation

[Cherryblossom200]

Hello,

So I’ve decided to start dating again and this time I’m using Bumble. Quite like it so far.

Last night I was having a decent chat with a guy online and he asked if we could chat on the phone which I like.

We had a great chat for approximately one hour and I thought yep I’d quite like to meet up. Then he said that not to worry when his online profile disappears, I asked why and he said because when he chats to someone he likes he feels it’s only fair to take his online profile down.

Now I’m all for honesty etc but I am I odd in thinking this was a strange thing to say so early on? I told him we haven’t met yet, he is still there entitled to meet who he likes at this stage!

He asked me earlier if I was chatting to anyone else and I said no as I had only joined the site recently.

I felt odd at the end of the call, I went from feeling like ‘I really like this guy’ to that weird eek feeling in an hour.

Am I overreacting?

Good on you! I had a friend report similar and she binned him. I've been on almost all the apps and it's weird to delete them before even meeting.

I replied back with a nice message, but no question. However he didn’t get the hint and tried to continue the conversation. When I didn’t respond he asked a few hours later if I still wanted to go for coffee and I politely declined.

He then asked for feedback, he said to be as brutal as possible as it would help him I explained why without trying to be too horrible.

God knows what he will reply with

Doesn't matter what he replies with. He gave you a flag and you have heeded it and even given him feedback.

You don't owe him anything

He wrote back with an essay 😝

Share please!!

Your only error was not just ignoring him when he asked for 'feedback' OP . Good grief- he sounds so off putting. Pleased to hear you decided no regardless but remember just because he has asked for anything, or not taken a hint when you've given it, neither mean you have to re-explain or give anything further. He's nobody to you. Perhaps he got the hint but wants to keep you talking because he would like a different outcome and you keep replying so he thinks he can persuade you- regardless, Its red flags galore. Block and don't indulge him again- I bet you anything he'd keep finding reasons to reply no matter what you say, eventually it'll be that you didnt give him a chance and its good to get out of your comfort zone or some other manipulative rubbish

By being curt and final you demonstrate that you mean what you say. I'd have gone for ' Thanks but this situation isn't for me, I'm really not interested in taking it further. I don't think its necessary(read, normal) to give feedback and won't be doing so. All the best.

If he sent me an essay I'd just block him or tell him to jog on and stop embarrassing himself, but I'm annoyed on your behalf OP. So many weirdos around!!

I think his response does most definitely show me I’ve made the right decision. And yes he did bring up me asking for photos as being odd. So like other have said I won’t do that again. From my perspective as I’m a single mum, my daughters father isn’t involved at all, it means my free time is precious. Therefore I try to find out as much about the person as possible, and in this instance it worked. I hate wasting time. But like I said I won’t ask for photos again!

His response below:

Sure no problem....it wasn't intended that way...but I think my choice if words could have explained it better.

I had as mentioned on our call concluded that meeting someone online wasn't for me. I was going to close it down but thought id wait to speak with you first. We got on well and thought ever way I'm shutting this thing down so I mentioned that I would close it down. It was actually not because we got on, but I could tell when I said it, it was delivered and received with the wrong intention.

I've been single for a while yes, looking for the right one....
I've been on plenty of dates and I'm certainly not one for rushing or no way desperate. I wouldn't rush anything primarily for my children.

It's unfortunate you took it that way, but you couldn't be more wrong.....I'm a healthy 47 year old man in good shape, with a stable job and a fun sense of humour...
So I'm not desperate.

Never mind......you've made your choice which is quite random.....and equally you request for photos shocked me a little which I felt was odd. ...but I was at least willing to meet as we had a number of similar interests.

Im typing this smiling, because where you to ever me my friends or no me .....you would realise how far I am from needy.....quite amusing....but there you go....bad selection of words on my part, bad choice on yours.

I don't see anything to stop at least meeting him. There might be some men in dating sites who are actually looking for a relationship rather than a shag. He might be just a bit cack handed at it

Being a bit wary is normal but there are actually some normal dudes out there.

Just meet, during the day for a coffee or something, it doesnt have to be so intense.

No I think his response (see above) for me is the final red flag. I don’t think either of us would be comfortable in each other’s company after this!

I was online dating a couple of years ago and always removed my profile once I'd started chatting with someone I liked. Nothing weird there!

Before you'd even met, Wilbs?!

Yes, mainly because I have a rubbish memory and didn't want to talk to lots of men and get information mixed up. Only after I spoke for a while, not like instantly

Sorry I still think it’s odd to take down a profile before you have met in person.

It's calculated otherwise. You may be the one person to genuinely feel like they should, but if I was chatting to a man who made a big show of doing this before we have even met, I would feel warned of something weird. Could be a wife, could be worse

Erm I'm sorry but I think his message is fine, I can't see what's wrong with it, he explains why he was taking his profile down and how he understood it might have come across wrong, I've done plenty of online dating too so know how it goes, he actually sounds nice and normal.

Also I agree about the photos, I feel uncomfortable and pressured when people ask for pictures when your chatting as I hate having my picture taken and dont use social media so there's only really a selfie I can take of myself or my own pictures of me and my children on days out or at home.

OP, I had the same issue - started chatting to a man online, seemed to hit it off, and he deactivated/paused his profile before we'd even met because he 'felt weird chatting up different women' when he felt we might have a connection. I laughed at the absurdity of that so quickly and said I was leaving mine up.

We met up and are still together 6 months later. It turns out he's just very old fashioned/traditional and the idea of trying to keep track of several conversations with different women wasn't for him. He's perfectly normal and wonderful, so if you had a good feeling about this guy maybe give him a shot.

Just saw his final response. That's a bit odd and intense so maybe your initial gut feeling was right!

Quite a few people think his final message seems ok

I don’t. Again, it’s very full on and the last sentence just is unnecessary and a bit dramatic.

I’m just not up for all that.

Oh I forgot to add, shortly after his final message he deleted me on Bumble. I’m mean seriously, what would he of been like in a relationship 😯

He was saying that he wasn't deleting his profile because he was chatting to you, he was deleting his profile because he wasn't keen on internet dating.

I'm another one who would have told you to do one when you asked for photos of me 'doing my hobbies'. Ye - Karen - would you mind taking a pic of me doing downward dog here? Thanks luv. Bob - would you mind catching me doing my cucaracha please? Thanks very much.

He at least gave you a response before deleting you.

You see he actually did not say that to me on the phone. He told me on the phone the reason he is deleting his profile is because he feels odd talking to lots of women when he is going to meet someone he likes.

So it’s strange that his email says something totally different. He didn’t mention anything about not wanting to do internet dating anymore to me on the phone at all.

He has changed his story....

He's saying that to save face of course. "I wasn't being too full-on, you took it the wrong way, blah blah blah" - sure, guy, pull the other one.

Trust your instincts OP: if something sets off your internal alarms always listen to them.

I’m glad I did trust my instincts.

If he would have just walked away and not made a big issue I would have thought differently. Doubt I would have changed my mind though.

I used to be terrible at spotting red flags, but I think I’m learning!

Bad choice on your part? He's already bitter and you haven't even met 🤣

Think you've had a lucky escape OP, keep trusting your gut and you'll find someone soon enough.