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Original poster

Odd thing to say at the end of a great conversation

121 replies

Cherryblossom200 · 06/05/2019 06:49

Hello,

So I’ve decided to start dating again and this time I’m using Bumble. Quite like it so far.

Last night I was having a decent chat with a guy online and he asked if we could chat on the phone which I like.

We had a great chat for approximately one hour and I thought yep I’d quite like to meet up. Then he said that not to worry when his online profile disappears, I asked why and he said because when he chats to someone he likes he feels it’s only fair to take his online profile down. Confused

Now I’m all for honesty etc but I am I odd in thinking this was a strange thing to say so early on? I told him we haven’t met yet, he is still there entitled to meet who he likes at this stage!

He asked me earlier if I was chatting to anyone else and I said no as I had only joined the site recently.

I felt odd at the end of the call, I went from feeling like ‘I really like this guy’ to that weird eek feeling in an hour.

Am I overreacting? Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 06/05/2019 08:23

I don’t mean reading books😆 I just mean enjoying life. Mine was of my not doing a race but on a bike in France and the other at a park taken by my mum. I cropped out my DD. You get a good sense of what a person enjoys doing 😊

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 06/05/2019 08:25

Comparing you to other women he’d spoken to, being negative about them, is another bad sign IMO.

Yummymummycupcake · 06/05/2019 08:30

It sounds like he's on fast forward. I agree with PP. Or he's married and wants to hide the evidence as quickly as possible. However, could it be that he doesn't want to be hounded with messages on there? When I did online dating, I chatted to lots but when I found a bit of a connection and had ongoing chat with someone, I didn't really reply to many other messages as I preferred to focus on one at a time.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 06/05/2019 08:31

Basically we live in Essex, he is from Essex and I’m from London. He was comparing me in terms of not talking about lip surgery etc 😆 he liked the fact I was talking about my job and the things I enjoy doing rather than material things. In that way he was comparing me. I understood because as much as I love Essex I’m not into skinny jeans and fake tan either!

OP posts:
HelloYouTwo · 06/05/2019 08:34

Perhaps he’s too busy enjoying life to stop and make people take photos of him? Seriously the photo thing is odd on your part. He’s probably asking Mensnet if he should meet you or not because isn’t this a red flag someone demanding photos of him doing stuff, wanting him to change himself to please them?!

You had a good chat for an hour, which is great. He’s possibly got a bit hasty on the profile thing, you’ve possibly framed him out asking that he send you documentary evidence of his life.

Why not just meet for a drink, see if there’s any chemistry in person and then decide?

HelloYouTwo · 06/05/2019 08:34

freaked not framed

Weejo39 · 06/05/2019 08:35

I'm off the opposite view. I find that quite respectful. I tend not to communicate with anyone online when I'm engaging happily with someone only reinstating it when I'm not feeling it. I wouldn't worry too much, he didn't need to say it, but it's be ok with that. Go on a date Wink

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 06/05/2019 08:39

Ok fair enough, I think maybe we both made a few mistakes. I’m still negotiating online dating.

I’ll have a few more conversations with him on WhatsApp and maybe meet for a coffee. The conversation before that was very good tbh.

OP posts:
PaperHead · 06/05/2019 08:42

I still think your demand for photos of him doing hobbies as ‘proof’ of what he likes is a bit strange. I run, hillwalk, read, take Mandarin classes, do drystone walling volunteering, but I honestly don’t think I have any photos of any of these. It simply wouldn’t occur to me to ask someone to take one, because I’m mentally and /or physically involved in actually doing whatever it is, and /or I’m by myself or in the middle of a classroom or studio.

Jacketornot · 06/05/2019 08:43

I tend to come off when I'm talking to someone I like because 1) I find it stressful managing multiple conversations and 2)I don't much like being on the app for everyone to see at the best of times. No nefarious reasons.
I wouldn't say so though which I guess could be read as a hint for you to do the same. His reaction if he asks and you say no I'm still on the app would be interesting and probably tell you more.
Hope it goes well op

Needsomebottle · 06/05/2019 08:45

I agree with @Figure8... Hell, I've got a husband and don't have photos of me that aren't selfies! If he spends time alone with his kids or doing "hobbies" alone how would he have any photos? I never take a selfie if I'm alone. I enjoy running (alone) reading, cooking, sometimes sewing. None of which warrant photos.

I also thought the removal of the profile was quite nice (but admittedly have zero OLD experience). Perhaps he thinks he'd rather invest in one person and see what happens than deal with others contacting him and the awkwardness of telling them no, but wanted to mention it in case you realised it wasn't there and assumed he was up to something dodgy.

If you got on well on the phone I'd do coffee and gauge him in person - 80% of communication is non verbal, so you'll get a better idea. You don't need to meet him again after if it still doesn't sit right.

chocatoo · 06/05/2019 08:47

Give him a chance.

Nicolastuffedone · 06/05/2019 08:56

Well, if you want a picture of a guy ‘enjoying his hobby’ there was a picture that was posted on here of a chap doing some painting and decorating.....he was painting his caravan....................in the nude. That the sort of thing your talking about?

woodcutbirds · 06/05/2019 08:59

I have never done OLD but I don't think his reasons are definitely weird/red flag. Especially if he is of a certain age. Some people don't have photos of themselves doing everyday hobbies because they just don't keep a record of their life in that way (I don't. DH doesn't either. We have almost no holiday pics of us.)

He might have been trying to be respectful to you.
Just meet daytime, for a quick coffee, somewhere central and public and tell friends where you are and who you are with (pass on his whatsapp contacts, mobile etc for safekeeping.)
Meeting him face to face is the best way to judge if he's controlling or just old-fashioned and gentlemanly.

Lilacks · 06/05/2019 09:04

I’m with you Op re the photo thing. I find it odd if people only have selfies. I want to see pictures of them doing things to get a sense of who they are. Not just selfies of them in a loo, in their bedroom and in their kitchen.
If your hobbies are drystone walling, then you can get someone to take a pic of you doing that. If you are learning mandarin, you can get someone to take a pic at the start of the class. At least it shows you do things and they are talking points. Selfies aren’t.
Trust your instincts op.

supersop60 · 06/05/2019 09:12

I find it a bit creepy. Too full on, too soon.

myredcardiganbob · 06/05/2019 09:18

Photos of me enjoying my hobbies = I look dreadful, a sweaty, beetroot mess after running and all the other sporty things I do.

Photos I’m happy to post on a dating profile = hopefully the best of me.

Photos I’m happy to WhatsApp someone with whom I’m hoping there might be a wee bit of potential with = whatever I’ve got left that I didn’t post on my profile and that don’t show me to be a sweaty, beetroot, puffed out mess.

Photos of me that aren’t selfies = generally taken by my 11 year old who cares nothing for any sort of flattering angle or if a gust of wind is whipping my hair around my face at the exact moment he takes my photo.

Sending photos of his children = maybe not the best choice but worse if he’d asked you to send photos of yours.

Saying you’re a breath of fresh air = we’re quick to talk about the 100s of odd men out there using dating sites but don’t acknowledge that that there are women who are similar; women who are looking for hookups, affairs, who will happily catfish and of course have profiles where every photo is masked by a snapchat filter. Maybe, to him, you genuinely are a breath of fresh air.

Taking profile down = no idea. I wouldn’t have announced it but equally I dated someone last year who removed his as soon as we were messaging off site. I didn’t ask at the time and just thought, his choice. A few weeks later, after we’d been out a fair few times, he said that really enjoyed our very beginning conversations and realised that he didn’t really feel like chatting to anyone else. The only difference is that he didn’t announce it. Your potential person hasn’t asked you to remove yours, I don’t think? And I’m okay with someone asking if you are seeing/chatting to other people, surely that’s quite sensible? Self-preservation and all?

MidnightMystery · 06/05/2019 09:19

I'd say he's respecting you - doesn't need more than one woman to talk to and a sign he has taken a liking to you Grin

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 06/05/2019 09:19

Thanks Lilacks, I’m glad you agree. I take photos of me doing things for memories. But for OLD it definitely helps show the type of person you are. He has photos of selfies in the car and a few in a restaurant by someone else. Nothing showing me what he enjoys doing.

OP posts:
Mel6l72 · 06/05/2019 09:25

Sounds like the beginning of him love bombing you. Either that or he's desperate. Please listen to your instincts here.

HelloYouTwo · 06/05/2019 09:25

What does he say he enjoys doing?

LizzieSiddal · 06/05/2019 09:31

I must say the “not having any photos of him doing things he enjoys” as some kind of red line, is a bit it.
Maybe he’s just not got any good ones, doesn’t mean he’s not a nice person.

LizzieSiddal · 06/05/2019 09:31

*a bit OTT

LizzieSiddal · 06/05/2019 09:32

But the sending photos of his kids to a stranger is odd! That should be your red line.

Orlandointhewilderness · 06/05/2019 09:32

Sounds fine to me. Maybe you should meet him before judging?
Why did you request pictures?!? That is far odder and I wouldn't be interested in talking to anyone who did that!