Odd thing to say at the end of a great conversation

[Cherryblossom200]

Hello,

So I’ve decided to start dating again and this time I’m using Bumble. Quite like it so far.

Last night I was having a decent chat with a guy online and he asked if we could chat on the phone which I like.

We had a great chat for approximately one hour and I thought yep I’d quite like to meet up. Then he said that not to worry when his online profile disappears, I asked why and he said because when he chats to someone he likes he feels it’s only fair to take his online profile down.

Now I’m all for honesty etc but I am I odd in thinking this was a strange thing to say so early on? I told him we haven’t met yet, he is still there entitled to meet who he likes at this stage!

He asked me earlier if I was chatting to anyone else and I said no as I had only joined the site recently.

I felt odd at the end of the call, I went from feeling like ‘I really like this guy’ to that weird eek feeling in an hour.

Am I overreacting?

tbh I think you’re focussing in the wrong thing. You had a full 60 mins of chat which you rate as good. He hasn’t sent you dick pics, he’s sustained a property conversation in which I assume you both shared info about yourselves, listened to one another and responded appropriately. That’s quite a big win in OLD!

I had one phone call lined up with a chap who it turns out sounded like Zippy from Rainbow. I couldn’t get past that.

I had another with a man who probably thought we had a great old chat. It actually it was 30 minutes of him recounting the details of his last round of golf. Every hole, every drive, every putt, every yardage. Didn’t meet him either.

Another man who wanted to tell me all about his recent break up with his exW (who he’d been married to twice!)

Another man who I just didn’t click with and afterwards sent me lots of needy texts and then asked if the problem was his psoriasis! I’d never met him, I had no idea he had psoriasis.

Honestly if you get hung up on the nuances of what people do and what it means rather than just thinking, that was a good chat, he seems nice, why don’t I see for myself, you’ll never move out from beyond your computer screen. The sooner you chat and meet in person the sooner you can make informed value judgements instead of speculating on the meanings of photos and profile etiquette.

I don't have any photos of myself making cards, gardening, making shepherd's pie, cross stitching or days out. It's a wonder I met someone online dating with just one photo of myself.

HelloYouTwo 😆 zippy from rainbow! That cracked me up! Yes you are right, very true.

Why would you have asked him for hobby photos? You could find out what he likes doing if you met up, and actually asked him. Sorry, but it absolutely never would cross my mind to request that.

Go with your gut

If it feels off, then it is off.

Although to me it's the warning signals of "love bombing".

I met a guy on bumble who did very similar. And then was trying to cajole me into going to his house to watch a film etc. There was something non committal about him but he has made a point about not talking to anyone else (I didn't believe that anyway).

All a bit weird to be honest

God, i would be stymied if someone asked for pictures of me doing my hobbies. I like horse racing, gin and military history, and HATE having my picture taken. I would send back a picture of Tiger Roll, a Challenger Mk 2 and a bottle of Sipsmith!!! This is probably why my OLD experiences were so weird.

You won't find a photo of me unless someone took it without my knowledge, bar a couple of shots where my DH has says 'let's have a photo'. I don't like being photographed, and I definitely wouldn't get someone to take a photo of me 'enjoying a hobby'.

Lilacks, but why would I need to ‘prove’ to someone that I go drystone walling or learn Mandarin? A photo of the former on our last weekend out would show anonymous wet people in waterproofs crouching in the lee of a ditch, and one of a language class would literally be me sitting at an anonymous desk. Unless I’m supposed to hold up the textbook for ‘proof’?

I think it’s just interesting how we interpret things differently.

I’m in two minds tbh. I don’t have time to meet until a couple of weeks time, we’ll have a bit more time to chat and I’ll see how I feel then.

I think you sound odder than him, tbh.

I don't have any photos of me. At all really.

Actually, I can't think of any friends on social media who have photos of themselves doing hobbies except for a) runners and b) drinkers

Maybe he said he comes off so you will..
As he knows he won't actually be but doesn't want you to see him still on?!
And I have not one photo of me doing anything at all. No selfie even! Only pics I have are my wedding and wouldn't be able to use them on OLD if I end up single!

why would I need to ‘prove’ to someone that I go drystone walling or learn Mandarin?
This ^^. Sorry but if I saw someone taking a photo of themselves in a Mandarin class or while they were supposed to be drystone walling I'd be thinking 'what a self-centred prat'. And if they sent me photos of them doing that I'd think 'here's someone so self-obsessed that they can't stop taking photos. I wonder if they actually do these things or just took photos to pose'. Surely by having the conversation about drystone walling you'd get to know whether they did it or not and learn about them?
You don't sound suited to him OP, you sound as if you want to play the field and have him take photos of you, while he sounds as if he wants a grown-up relationship.

Actually, I can't think of any friends on social media who have photos of themselves doing hobbies except for a) runners and b) drinkers

🤣🤣🤣

Yes!!! And actually, when I did OLD ( will dip my toe in again at some point) I HATED all the pictures of men holding a giant carp, or in their cycling gear. Put me right off

I don't have pics doing my hobbies either. I have loads of the kids and the ones with me tend to be with my kids or with my friends on a night out. I am usually the photographer too so if I ask someone to rake a pic they tend to be staged.

I don't see the problem with him only wanting to talk to one person seriously at a time. I'm the same. I don't remove my profile but I hide it. He's not asking you to, he's telling you the reason you won't see his profile which is fair enough. He's also letting you know that he's very keen.

Then he said that not to worry when his online profile disappears

If he's not in a relationship, looking for a flirt (maybe more), deleting app so won't get court by this partner......I'll eat my hat!!! 🎩

Either that or he'll turn into one of those crazy controlling blokes who don't want you to so much as make eye contact with another living being.

Deleting a dating app because you spoke to someone for a short space or time and haven't met. NOT NORMAL

Don't meet him, he sounds like a bell end

I think you’re being a bit weird about the photos. I HATE having my photo taken and most of the things I enjoy doing, I do by myself. I don’t have recent photos of me on my bike or walking in the woods or any of the other things I enjoy doing. If you were insisting on photos I’d try to take some selfies on my bike or whatever, but I certainly wouldn’t be asking friends to take action shots 😖🙄🤣

As for him saying about his profile, he couldn’t win. If he’d just taken it down without saying anything you might have freaked out, he’s told you and you’re freaking out.

He hasn’t asked you to take yours down and he’s allowed to hope that there’s a potential relationship to be had with you and not want to chat to others when he’s chatted to you and likes the sound of you.

I swear men can’t win.

I HATED all the pictures of men holding a giant carp, or in their cycling gear. Put me right off

Wouldn't do it for me, either.

Though am now tempted to do an intensive photographic self-documentation of my various pastimes. Me holding a stone and pointing helpfully at a collapsed stone wall, like an illustrated instruction manual. Me giving a kerrrrazy thumbs up while running (as I tend to run by myself either first thing in the morning or at night, I have presumably stopped a puzzled dogwalker to take this).

Already? Sounds weird

And you haven't met yet so you don't know whether you fancy him or what. Sounds like he has picked you as a likely one but this is actually creepy

Me holding a stone and pointing helpfully at a collapsed stone wall, like an illustrated instruction manual. Me giving a kerrrrazy thumbs up while running (as I tend to run by myself either first thing in the morning or at night, I have presumably stopped a puzzled dogwalker to take this

This made me genuinely lol!!
I wouldn't have any photos of me enjoying hobbies either. It smacks if narcissism to me, and I'm not the right demographic for my life to be fully documented on my phone. Maybe he isn't either.

My friend was on line dating and the guys who did this were married. Or they would say that they were separated. Their wife didn’t usually know they were separated

OP, listen to your gut. There's a book called 'The Gift of Fear', that instructs to never listen to your gut unless it tells you to run.

There are literally people who didn't help Ted Bundy because of their gut. they would doubtless have had a faction of Mumsnet telling them, 'but he had a broken arm! It's YOU who is the weirdo, not him!'

There are plenty of nice guys around who won't set off your spidey-sense. Why bother with one who does?

Ooops, that should read 'there are literally poeple who stayed alive because they didn't help Ted Bundy because of their gut.'

Just been for a long walk with a friend and our children, we had a little chat about what happened and she agreed it’s just odd and too full on.

He has messaged me and I’ve not responded yet.

I think ultimately my gut is telling me it’s not right. If this had happened a few dates in then that’s fine and I would have been happy with it. But NOT before we’ve met. It’s just all a bit weird and does make me worry he may be a little controlling.

So I’m off to find someone else 😊

Thanks everyone x