Dating Thread 158 - Don't wait until the iron is hot to strike

[Greenland55]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

queenbetty they do lots of free tours at National Trust. You can wander round with the guide

Yeah I know what you mean, I don’t like thin guys either. I tend to do for more overweight type.

Well I cancelled the hotel last night, thank god I went for one with free cancellation.
My ex got in touch too, he can F off and all, he’s not even worth FWB.

I think i’m done with dating for a while.

vwman I think most women have a thing for men's arms.

atsea I'm so sorry. The only thing I can think of is that he thought you didn't fancy him if you wanted separate rooms. But that goes nowhere near explaining his shitty behaviour.

I have NT membership. Maybe we should have NT meet ups!

Atsea1979 I would suggest that any man after 5 dates who runs when there is a prospect of DTD either has some hang up about his body or is worried about the act. Don't take it personally.

Found the thread

I have a date with Mr Anxiety tomorrow, he has sent me a few voice messages and sounds lovely. I’m feeling a bit nervous and have no idea where we are going yet.

I have a feeling Mr No Hair will be expecting to pop over for coffee on his lunch break today. I have a great message ready to text to him if he messages.

Atsea1979 No snog after 5 dates and then he cancels on a night away, definitely some issues there.

NT member here too. I also have two tickets to the tennis finals at Eastbourne but may have a friend to take. At the rate I'm going, I doubt I'll find a worthy date to take with me! 😂

Just checking in with the new thread. Had a lovely long weekend with Mr BC and we had a bit of a chat about how we feel about each other ...

putastraw that's awful :-(

Atsea he does sound like he has something to hide ..

Nest I'm nearly 55 and did ok on Tinder and had just started with Bumble when I met Mr BC - it's absolutely a good thing to have high standards ...

I need to re read to catch up - didn't get much sleep over the weekend so am not concentrating

It's my birthday this week and we are going away this weekend ... completely on the smitten bench here

atsea - I had 2 dates last year who I couldn't make my mind up about and both I did about 4/5 dates with nothing. First one confessed after date 5 that he had herpes and never slept with someone till he was sure it was going to be a relationship (hence taking so long) and the other one confessed he was a cross dresser :) and didn't like to embark on a physical relationship till he was sure the woman was comfortable with that!

So both times there was something they needed to confess. It's really rare that you get that far with nothing so I would just assume he had something going on!

vwman I would put a T shirt photo in if you can. Though having said that, none of the ones I fancied did have that in though if they did, I probably would have been more likely to swipe on them!

I don't like skinny men. I once went on a date with a cyclist and he showed me a photo of him in just his cycling shorts - he was so skinny it was unbelievable and needless to say he didn't get a second date. I like a man who is in decent shape and yes to strong arms, they absolutely get me going. Not massive body builder type arms, just strong, especially forearms for some reason.

vwman definitely put a photo up that shows your physique - a T shirt photo or something.

atsea I once dated a guy who was very slow to dtd and it turned out that he had erectile dysfunction. He said it was just nerves but it didn't improve and he just ended up avoiding having sex with me. He then dumped me!

You can’t beat a skinny guy, send them my way!

SimonJT you definitely need to date a cyclist in that case - they have very low body fat!

I don't like to rule anyone out on hypothetical physical appearance itself but I do get that most of us are generally physically attracted to different things. Most guys I've dates/been in relationships with have been tall and dark so I guess that's what I'm predominantly attracted to but body shape has differed and that hasn't bothered me.

I'm not petite though (not big but an average build/height) so perhaps a very thin man would put me off.

Need to catch up on the thread but I'd like to inch a bum cheek onto the smitten bench
MissOz spent Sunday afternoon through to this morning at my house. Took the advice to give myself a break and go with it, and had a lovely weekend. Also took some of my own advice and admitted some insecurity from marriage that I spoke about on here recently and she didn't run away, instead we had a long chat about past relationships and how they'd affected us.
I really like her
We're starting to plan further ahead now as well, comedy night in June, concert later in summer etc. And although she doesn't have a key or a drawer yet, she is bringing a box of her porridge to leave in the cupboard next time 😂

Got my date with Mr Filth later. My heart is just not in it at all. I'm trying to push myself but I want to be excited to see someone not a oh well yeah I'll go 🙄

I like arms, too!

lifegoes you may be pleasantly surprised - I hope so!

Yay ant pleased to see you on the smitten bench. I was wondering what was holding you back. I think you and Miss Oz sound like a lovely couple. And porridge in the cupboard is def a relationship sign!! 👍

You don’t have to go lifegoes. Might be a good trial though as you aren’t that interested?

Haven't read thread yet but just coming on to say god it gets so depressing doesn't it - don't think I'm going to bother any more!im not getting any younger and a part of me would potentially love to have a live in partner and even maybe one more dc.plenty of others manage to achieve this but it just seems I just get repeatedly let down and can't see that ever happening.

Lifegoes I sometimes feel like my heart isn't in it as well. Could you go for just one drink or coffee, and see how you feel? If that isn't an option, or you have to travel quite a long way to meet him, then I would cancel. I cancelled two dates over the last week and cut short the date with Mr Foodie yesterday when it was clear that there was zero chemistry.

Some people have mentioned taking a break from OLD and I am tempted to do the same, as I am getting a bit cynical about it all. I feel as though I am going through the motions chatting to guys and I am looking for reasons as to why I don't want to meet them! Not quite the way OLD is supposed to work

I have decided to start doing more things at the weekends on my own - going to exhibitions, shows etc - and spend less time online looking at OLD profiles. With that in mind I am just about to renew my membership at the V&A as there are some exhibitions I would like to go to.

I let my date for tomorrow chose a location, the weathers looking awful and neither of us like busy places or cinema. It’s a day time date and original plan was to go for a walk somewhere but now they give heavy thundery showers. So he has chosen somewhere, let’s say it’s similar to a zoo (won’t say where as it will give away my location). So what does one wear on a first date to a zoo? Obviously a rain coat but what else?
I am now super excited, not about the date but the location 🤣

True @BatshitCrazyWoman and @Notcoolmum it was all great at first but over the weekend it's just all about him and everything turns to sex

@LilyRose88 it's only 20 mins drive. So I don't mind and only one drink for us both. As it's just a meet up. I'm going to go and see what he's like in real life.

I do get everyone's views on OLD. I'm speaking to Mr Filth via WA. But I've deleted the apps (not my accounts) on OLD for a few weeks. I'm like you @LilyRose88 I'm either looking for reasons not to take it further or I'm comparing them still to my ex which isn't great. So a break is needed.

I'm going to just keep with this page and give advice where I can and invest in all your relationships 😂😂

That sounds quite tedious lifegoes. I couldn’t do sex talk with someone I’ve not met. I don’t always want to do it with Mr S and I really enjoy having sex with him!

Glad to hear you aren’t leaving us though!!

Ooh lovemusic your date sounds exciting. My outfit for that would be my scamp and dude sweatshirt, jeans and white trainers.

lifegoes it does get boring doesn't it, and I am becoming jaded. I have just had a message from one guy who wants a casual fling according to his profile and he has messaged me twice before. Each time I have told him that we want different things so no point meeting up. Then I got a message from another guy who has messaged me before who is looking for a travel companion for a 6 month trip around the world. I told him last time he messaged me that I didn't want to go!

Well I have just paid for my V&A membership - and in a fit of optimism I paid the higher amount to enable me to take a guest with me! I have also signed up to start giving blood again. I used to be a regular donor and stopped for a while. No connection to dating or finding a partner, but I am trying to think of positive things to do which make me feel better about myself.

@Notcoolmum I don't mind a bit. But it got a bit much, then he made sly jokes about my "tinder men" im going to go, it's practice.

But I just miss that excitement of wanting to meet someone, the excitement of seeing their name in your phone etc. I'm feeling really low about it all at the moment.

@LilyRose88 oh god!!! Why are they just stupid. I had a guy last week on POF. Already arranged the day and place to meet. Ask me if i wanted to meet up. Then he sent me his number. So I sent him mine. He said text me. Does he have the inability to text me???? 👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼