Melted you are an amazing and strong person. I've been there too. So many of your posts have resonated with me, the only difference being that my ex would hit me now and again - there wasn't one major act, it was mostly EA and violence every few months.
My ex did put his hands around my throat and pushed me on to the bed (after throwing the cat at me!), at that point I realised he would kill me one day and yet I still stayed...7 months later I told him I wanted a divorce.
Only now I realise that I wasn't strong enough all those years ago, I knew I was ready when I started to tell people what he had done.
We tried the couples counselling (a PP who said H was making it a relationship problem hit the nail on the head!), ex kept calling it anger management issues - yet he could manage it with everyone else but me. He punched me once, that came up in bruising.
Even with the counselling he would take what I said in the sessions and make "jokes" about afterwards (I know now that we shouldn't have had counselling together). We did this for nearly a year and he would spend that time trying to convince me we were ok, I think he was convinced that I would change my mind and was having a "moment".
He admitted to his brother what he had done (no idea to what extent though) and as sympathetic as BIL and SIL were they simply didn't understand how bad he is. I told BIL and Ex how I was afraid he would snap and kill me one day and they didn't want to hear it. At various points (similar to you OP), they used the worst thing I had ever gone through as evidence that I was seeing things that weren't there. That I see abusive relationships everywhere.
SIL tried to sympathise and say her and BIL argued, the difference being there was still respect, there was no intimidation from BIL. Ex would intimidate, gaslight, stonewall etc.
What people don't realise is that abuse is insidious, it doesn't start with violence because the victim would get the hell out of there. It starts small, either nitpicking, "jokes" or a push/shove and it builds over time. We had to live together during the divorce process and he would spend most of the time trying to antagonise me. If I bit, we ended up in a massive argument and him blaming me for not saving the marriage, me not forcing him to get help (yes because he's really going to listen after smacking me over some trivial nonsense!).
He would still bully me and abused me in different ways - got in my personal space, told me I couldn't divorce him twice and that the police wouldn't do anything as he hadn't hit me. I did get advice after that time but asked them not to speak to him because he was leaving a week later and a police report would risk his move (and therefore my life). The final thing he did was throw some food at me, all of which he minimised a week later just before he left. In some ways I was thankful he did that because it proved to me he hadn't changed and he wasn't the victim here.
Sorry, I have digressed here! What I was trying to say you are right to expect him to keeping finding ways to get at you. But you will get through it. What you are going through right now will end some day.
My divorce was finalised earlier this year (took just over a year), he eventually moved away last summer so for the last few months it was better for me. I know it is hard when you are in it, but you will get through it. Use MN, rely on your RL friends as well - they will want to be there for you. Believe me.