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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I have to leave him, don't I?

688 replies

MeltedEggMum · 03/05/2019 07:08

Yesterday my husband attacked me.

We have had our ups and downs like all couples, nothing out of the ordinary I thought.

Before he attacked me we were having a good day, he was off work, we had the plumber in, everything was chilled.

I left to do the school run and came home to him feeling stressed because the toddler had made a mess of talc upstairs. I joked with him a bit to try to diffuse the situation but he suddenly turned nasty.

He grabbed me by the throat and slapped me around the face three times.

I froze. I couldn't believe it was happening. He walked away from me and as we went downstairs he threatened to do it again.

Luckily I had my phone on me and I called the police straight away.

They arrested him and he was given a caution late last night - he's staying with a friend.

There's no fixing this, is there? He's ruined everything. I'm still in shock. Yesterday morning I had a normal life.

OP posts:
MeltedEggMum · 22/05/2019 19:06

So he left a message on my dm's phone on Sunday. I've been ignoring her since the email, but spoke to her today. She said his message talked about having his brother there for "support" and that the police told him the marriage was over.

This is so hard. She defended her husband 100% and said that wasn't what he meant. I told her how upset I was after reading it and felt like I couldn't talk to them any more.

She was very surprised at my read of the email. Maybe I'm oversensitive? Maybe all he meant was that he would have to speak to him if he called, because they don't screen calls on their home phone. (This was her explanation)

I've felt really down today. Trapped. Drowning. I hate feeling this way.

OP posts:
MeltedEggMum · 22/05/2019 19:10

Oh and she's blocked him, and promised to never speak to him without my permission.

OP posts:
SheepOnRafts · 22/05/2019 19:14

The fact that she’s blocked him and won’t speak to him is good. Defending her husband’s actions is not good but not surprising given that you’ve said she is in a controlling relationship herself.
I would take this to mean that she thinks you are doing the right thing but that she is treading carefully with her own DH because, well, you know how it is, walking on eggshells.

MeltedEggMum · 22/05/2019 19:15

I hope I am wrong about them. I feel worried I might be getting paranoid.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 22/05/2019 19:47

Christ OP, I am utterly amazed at you resilience lady, you have come so very far, although you may not feel you have... Credit to you and your kids .. wishing you well Flowers

PeakedTooEarly · 22/05/2019 20:21

It's shocking that he had to hear it from the Police that his marriage is over. Did he really believe that you would take a hammering and then just carry on as if nothing had happened?
His turning up with the BIL was him hoping to walk back into his normal life with a wingman as witness and support. I bet the biggest shock of all this is not the Police being called but your turning him away at the door. THAT would have been the writing on the wall for him I suspect, as it was a more considered action by yourself OP.

MeltedEggMum · 22/05/2019 20:35

Did he really believe that you would take a hammering and then just carry on as if nothing had happened?

Yes, I think he did.

He never actually knew me at all.

OP posts:
DoctorDread · 22/05/2019 21:07

Op. Your smile is taking steps I think, to do the right thing and that's good, but guard yourself. If she too is in an unsafe relationship, she may be subject to coercion that you're not aware of. Keep your boundaries strong and stay safe. She doesn't deserve a shit partner but you don't either and you have to look after yourself and the dc here.

MeltedEggMum · 22/05/2019 21:11

Yes, I agree. I want to be careful, but I just don't know what steps to take to do that.

OP posts:
iwantanewusername · 22/05/2019 22:20

Melted you are an amazing and strong person. I've been there too. So many of your posts have resonated with me, the only difference being that my ex would hit me now and again - there wasn't one major act, it was mostly EA and violence every few months.

My ex did put his hands around my throat and pushed me on to the bed (after throwing the cat at me!), at that point I realised he would kill me one day and yet I still stayed...7 months later I told him I wanted a divorce.

Only now I realise that I wasn't strong enough all those years ago, I knew I was ready when I started to tell people what he had done.

We tried the couples counselling (a PP who said H was making it a relationship problem hit the nail on the head!), ex kept calling it anger management issues - yet he could manage it with everyone else but me. He punched me once, that came up in bruising.

Even with the counselling he would take what I said in the sessions and make "jokes" about afterwards (I know now that we shouldn't have had counselling together). We did this for nearly a year and he would spend that time trying to convince me we were ok, I think he was convinced that I would change my mind and was having a "moment".

He admitted to his brother what he had done (no idea to what extent though) and as sympathetic as BIL and SIL were they simply didn't understand how bad he is. I told BIL and Ex how I was afraid he would snap and kill me one day and they didn't want to hear it. At various points (similar to you OP), they used the worst thing I had ever gone through as evidence that I was seeing things that weren't there. That I see abusive relationships everywhere.
SIL tried to sympathise and say her and BIL argued, the difference being there was still respect, there was no intimidation from BIL. Ex would intimidate, gaslight, stonewall etc.

What people don't realise is that abuse is insidious, it doesn't start with violence because the victim would get the hell out of there. It starts small, either nitpicking, "jokes" or a push/shove and it builds over time. We had to live together during the divorce process and he would spend most of the time trying to antagonise me. If I bit, we ended up in a massive argument and him blaming me for not saving the marriage, me not forcing him to get help (yes because he's really going to listen after smacking me over some trivial nonsense!).

He would still bully me and abused me in different ways - got in my personal space, told me I couldn't divorce him twice and that the police wouldn't do anything as he hadn't hit me. I did get advice after that time but asked them not to speak to him because he was leaving a week later and a police report would risk his move (and therefore my life). The final thing he did was throw some food at me, all of which he minimised a week later just before he left. In some ways I was thankful he did that because it proved to me he hadn't changed and he wasn't the victim here.

Sorry, I have digressed here! What I was trying to say you are right to expect him to keeping finding ways to get at you. But you will get through it. What you are going through right now will end some day.

My divorce was finalised earlier this year (took just over a year), he eventually moved away last summer so for the last few months it was better for me. I know it is hard when you are in it, but you will get through it. Use MN, rely on your RL friends as well - they will want to be there for you. Believe me.

MeltedEggMum · 23/05/2019 07:19

Thank you for sharing, iwantanewusername. It really helps to read other women's experiences. I'm glad you are free and safe now.

OP posts:
Ineedacupofteadesperately · 23/05/2019 10:41

Melted you are doing amazingly well.

About your Mum.... it's tricky I know my feeling is you're safer not telling her much but others are more experienced. But this...

She was very surprised at my read of the email. Maybe I'm oversensitive? Maybe all he meant was that he would have to speak to him if he called, because they don't screen calls on their home phone. (This was her explanation)

This is utter bullshit, you know it. He was further abusing you by refusing to adhere to or acknowledge your VERY CLEARLY STATED boundaries.

It is possible to answer the phone and immediately hang up when you hear who is there, that's what I do to telemarketers. This man throttled you -he beat you. Your stepdad can fucking hang up on him, if he's on your side and interested in helping and protecting you and your kids, and listening to what you want (no contact between them and your ex H). Anything less and it tells you something about him. At a push, he could even just say Melted has asked that I don't speak to you, and then hang up if he feels just hanging up is too rude. Jesus. I'm not a fan of your stepdad, he sounds manipulative.

MeltedEggMum · 23/05/2019 12:46

I know. The way she covered for him so quickly, made me feel like she does that a lot. Making excuses that sound plausible.

I'm keeping my guard up.

OP posts:
Ineedacupofteadesperately · 23/05/2019 12:49

Well done. That excuse isn't really plausible though is it? She's trying hard, but it's just not plausible. It's kind of an insult actually that someone as clearly intelligent as you is supposed to believe it. But you have bigger things to deal with than arguing about it.

Keep going, you're doing brilliantly.

MeltedEggMum · 23/05/2019 13:02

Thanks.

It doesn't feel like it today. Huge ball of anxiety. I need to join a gym or something to work off my adrenaline. Too bad I have to pinch every penny.

OP posts:
Ineedacupofteadesperately · 23/05/2019 13:56

I do dancing with my toddler to relieve stress, don't know how much exercise i get but usually end up laughing over her dance moves!

ilikemethewayiam · 23/05/2019 15:12

OP, Can I suggest you try practicing mindfulness? I saw a counsellor after I ended it with my abuser. I was in a constant state of fear and panic at that time. She did breathing exercises with me and recommended the ‘headspace’ app among others. There’s lots on YouTube etc too. I’ve learnt to do deep breathing when I feel my anxiety levels go up and it has definitely helped. I couldn’t think rationally when I was in panic mode but now I can bring my panic levels down.

DPotter · 23/05/2019 15:16

Check if there are any 'Health Walks' in your area - they're free and spaced throughout the week. also good way to meet people

MeltedEggMum · 23/05/2019 15:20

Thanks for the ideas. I need more tools to cope for sure. I do meditate each day, but probably not for long enough.

OP posts:
Ineedacupofteadesperately · 23/05/2019 16:08

I also do a mum and toddler exercise class - there are a few around, try googling. The benefit is that you get to exercise while they play, and you don't have to pay for childcare on top. The one I do is super cheap too.

MeltedEggMum · 23/05/2019 16:29

I'll ask around/Google.

Suddenly hit with resentment for all those years I thought I was a bad wife. I never was - any negativity I felt towards him was a result of being treated badly by him in the first place. All the cold shoulder treatments I subscribed to him feeling sad and requiring me to reach out and coax him back to me. He was just conditioning me to always do as I was told. Blah.

OP posts:
Mummytoonlychild · 24/05/2019 18:37

How are you feeling today?

MeltedEggMum · 24/05/2019 18:42

Thanks for checking in. Smile

I went on a long walk this afternoon, because I was feeling jittery again. I did a bit more meditation this morning, and now I'm feeling much better. I've devised a plan.

Next week I'll be buying some cheap and cheerful white paint to freshen up the walls in our downstairs rooms - the kitchen, living room and office. We are also going to swap around the rooms, so the office will have the TV and our couch and armchair. It will be squished and cosy, and I will feel so much more comfortable because the room itself is tucked away at the back of the house with the window facing our side garden and tall fence. The living room will be our office with desks for our computers and homework, a bookshelf and toys. It's a much larger room so it may feel a bit echoing, but it will also feel completely different which I really need.

Our kitchen diner needs a spruce up as well, and I'm going to change where we have the table and hang the kitchen door back on the frame just to make it feel different. There are too many memories of him here and I can't move house so I will do my best to make new memories.

I'm also planning on changing all of my clothes (a little at a time) so nothing I own has been touched by him.

It's not strictly necessary to do these things, but I think it will make a big difference to my mental health.

OP posts:
ThatCurlyGirl · 24/05/2019 18:45

Bloody hell I'm impressed - you're taking control and while it still feels sad, you're pushing on and securing your future. You're doing so well Thanks

ilikemethewayiam · 24/05/2019 20:40

I think the psychological ‘make over’ is so important! I went the whole hog. When I left I took nothing from our joint house. The things I thought were precious to me actually reminded me of him and therefore triggering, so I didn’t want them. I started afresh in a new house. I raided the sales and eBay. I made a completely fresh start! It was the making of me! I think you should do what ever you need to do to feel safe and happy for you and your DC! If that’s repainting, moving stuff around or even throwing things away, Do it! Once you do you will never look back! You will go through a complete re-evaluation of your marriage and rewrite history. That’s a normal part of the process. You will come out of the other side so strong and wise. You will never put up with that sh*t again! It’s a wonderful feeling!

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