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Original poster

Partner going away this weekend with mates I feel awful..

107 replies

missyboo87 · 02/05/2019 14:35

Hi.

My partner of 12years is going away tomorrow until Sunday with some of his mates, I will be at home with our daughters.. don't have much family around me and not much friends either so will be on my own..
Anyways..
in the past things have happened in order to break my trust with him, he used to go away for a few nights and turn his phone off and ignore me completely which has upset me a lot..
I'm so down about him going away even tho it's only 2nights away! I know I'm being really daft and over reacting a lot!!
He said he's going to stay Intouch with me this weekend and that things will be different but I'm finding it hard to believe him and I no before anyone says it I'm daft and being stupid!

I suffer with anxiety and this situation isn't helping me in the slightest.. I get upset easily because I'm worried he will ignore me again.. I love him and we both want the relationship to work out just needing someone to talk to really as I'm so lonely and down right now.. just dreading it so much

OP posts:
Plipplopbop · 02/05/2019 14:40

I don't think you're being stupid. He knows you have anxiety but he switches his phone off when he goes away. I don't have anxiety but I would I would find it very difficult if my DH went away and turned his phone off. He has not helped you deal with his trips away and his behaviour has created your tension about this trip. I hope this time he does stay in touch this time. Flowers

Plipplopbop · 02/05/2019 14:41

(sorry for the double ups there!)

Original poster
missyboo87 · 02/05/2019 14:43

Yeah I'm praying he does keep Intouch this time because he keeps telling me he's going to and that he's changed but I'm finding it difficult to believe him.. he's even promised our daughters that he will stay Intouch and reassuring them he will be home Sunday.. I'm honestly so down and stressed right now. I want to believe him but I just can't. Am I wrong? Should I give him the benefit of the doubt type of thing

OP posts:
ThePerturbedPenguin · 02/05/2019 14:44

What’s he like generally as a partner?

Original poster
missyboo87 · 02/05/2019 14:48

He's great. He works hard, makes me happy and is a brilliant dad to our girls.. he keeps saying he's changed and this time will be different and then when he comes back Sunday I will be much happier but I just can't believe him and I feel like utter crap! Have hardly eaten for 2days

OP posts:
Plipplopbop · 02/05/2019 14:49

Can you stop him going? If realistically not then I would consider this a last chance. He knows and the balls in his court. If he does it again, knowing how bad it makes you feel he is not a caring partner. I honestly can't imagine either my DH or me doing something if it was so upsetting for the other. Being uncontactable when you have kids is really noton

SignedUpJust4This · 02/05/2019 14:51

You can't trust this man and he's making no effort to earn back your trust. Pack his stuff while he's away.

Original poster
missyboo87 · 02/05/2019 14:51

I agree with you, iv told him that if he doesn't keep Intouch then I'm done because I can't live like this anymore, all he keeps saying is that "you will see this time is different" I want him to have a nice weekend of course but don't want to be treated like a idiot either.. I'm so hurting right now I'm honestly struggling to cope! I used to self harm in the past and really don't want to go down that road.. sorry I'm rambling on

OP posts:
birthdaymayhem · 02/05/2019 14:51

It's up to you to decide wether you trust him OP, what's he like in general?
If he's a good father and considerate DH then I would be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt and see how it pans out.

If there's generally a lot to ask for in his behaviour then I would make him aware that if he switches his phone off this weekend you will be having a long hard reevaluation of the relationship as you will not tolerate to be disregarded and disrespected in this way. You are not being controlling, you will not be calling him 24/7 but expect him to have the decency to reply to a text or give you a call once a day to say hi or goodnight to DCs. It's not much to ask considering he knows about your anxiety and his past behaviour which by the way is not on at all.

Call me dramatic but switching his phone off is almost like pretending his family doesn't exist at that time and he can do as he pleases.

churchthecat · 02/05/2019 14:52

I don't think you should stop him going. Does he have form for cheating or strip clubs or something?

Or is the issue just that he turns his phone off? How much contact do you want while he is away? To be honest I would only expect a text or two for 2 nights away.

UnicornDust9 · 02/05/2019 14:52

Why don’t you call this a last chance in your head.

He’s said he will stay in contact. If he doesn’t then end it. He’s been warned.

BrightSpells · 02/05/2019 14:53

How much contact do you expect op? Promising the kids he'll be back sounds really it

BrightSpells · 02/05/2019 14:53

Ott*

joystir59 · 02/05/2019 14:54

Does he turn his phone off because you have a tendency due to your anxiety to contact him constantly OP?

Original poster
missyboo87 · 02/05/2019 14:55

I'm not asking for texts every 2 minutes like a text or call a day is all I'm asking for.. I'm tired of feeling this way.. he hasn't been away for a long time now but he's going for his birthday.. he doesn't drink he's going to watch the football with mates then stuff like museums etc..
I just want to believe him but I can't and this weekend for me is gonna be a bad one!

OP posts:
Original poster
missyboo87 · 02/05/2019 14:56

I dunno why he promised the girls he will be back Sunday,, dunno if it was to reassure me.. I'm so down and confused.

OP posts:
churchthecat · 02/05/2019 14:57

Why would the children think he might not be coming back?

I'm not quite sure I understand. What has he done when he's been away in the past that makes you so worried?

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/05/2019 14:57

How long ago was it he used to not contact you?

churchthecat · 02/05/2019 14:57

How long would he switch his phone off for when he was away previously?

Original poster
missyboo87 · 02/05/2019 14:57

No I don't text him all the time.. but when he's went away before I text him and get ignored then try to call him just to make sure he's ok and his phones off..

OP posts:
churchthecat · 02/05/2019 14:59

How many times has it happened and for how long?

It seems quite extreme to be so concerned that he is going away for 2 nights, unless he has breached your trust while away in the past.

Original poster
missyboo87 · 02/05/2019 14:59

His phone would be turned off the entire time he was away..

I think the girls are picking up on my feelings. My daughters are 8&10 and I don't want them feeling messed up like me. I'm trying to believe him and stay strong so much

OP posts:
lurkingattheback · 02/05/2019 14:59

I think he should be able to go away for 2 days, without having to stay in touch daily. It's two days. A carrying partner would stay in touch, because of your anxiety, but I think you need to care for yourself and deal with the anxiety issues, rather than put that all on your partner.

ComtesseDeSpair · 02/05/2019 15:02

What does turning his phone off actually mean? Why is it such a problem? If he was going to sleep with other women then he’s going to do it with his phone on and switched to silent or on and in his jacket pocket etc etc. Unless he has form for cheating or you have decent reason to suspect him (in which case, this is your problem, not the phone) this all seems like you working yourself into further anxiety over nothing.

This relationship sounds absolutely stifling for both of you. I can’t imagine being with somebody who couldn’t eat or sleep for days before I went somewhere with my friends. And it’s no way for you to live, to be in s soriation which is clearly making you so anxious, for whatever reason. Frankly it sounds like you need to end it because you don’t trust him and I sincerely doubt that this is going to change even if he does stay in touch at the weekend.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/05/2019 15:02

When was this?

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