No Contact

[AnotherOneBitesTheDust]

Going through a pretty rough time at the moment (in the grand scheme of world miseries not so rough, but it's all subjective).....was dumped after a huge row, currently 10 days no contact. Does anyone have any stories of the other person realising their life was miserable without you and coming back? I need some hope to fuel my fantasies!

@AnotherOneBitesTheDust
I haven't! So far anyway.. I feel my resolve slipping a little.
I've even written a message out, but not pressed the send button
I talked to our mutual friend earlier, and he asked how I was feeling. I've been better than I thought I'd be, though I've had my little moments throughout the day, where tears have started to well in my eyes. And I've asked myself; Should I? Shouldn't I?
He's told me no too, congratulating me on my 6 months. He's apparently messaged my ex three times this week, and not got one reply. My ex is apparently at home now with his mum (his parents live some distance away). So I guess he is concentrating on her, and the time they have left together.
Yes, I don't hate him. I hate what he did, and I hate what he has made me become. But I don't hate him.
I just feel numb now. I want to be able to look back, it's a chapter in my life I don't want to feel miserable about.
I think if I was to message now, it may be completely the wrong occasion. But then part of me argues; what if it's the moment to break the 'stalemate'
Stupid isn't it? Though I have always been pretty stupid when it comes to him.
How are you feeling/getting on?

@anotheronebitesthedust I feel I could crack this morning ! It’s always the weekends felt this way last saturday too.. even planned out what I would say something along the lines of ‘it doesn’t surprise me I haven’t heard from you in a month’ Lool god I need to be stopped

Unfortunately ladies I have caved and sent a message at day 32 NC.. 😩😩😩

Oh @Lau247 that is disappointing. I hope he replied as if he ignores you. You will feel worse

@lifegoes no reply as of yet and sent it an hour ago.. not looking good

@Lau247 has he read it?

What made you send it? And what did you say?

@lifegoes he hasn’t read it yet I sent it on iMessage and he has his read receipts on but I think he’s probably read on his lock screen and not opened it. he isn’t on WhatsApp much but now I wish it was WhatsApp it cos I’d delete it.

I just said are you ok ? I have no idea why I even bloody sent it I just got an urge now I don’t know how I’m going to deal with him not replying

@Lau247 he'll have read that.

What made you send it? You said in previous posts he was manipulative

How did it end before?

@lifegoes I’m sure he will have read it as he used to do this before read from lock screen take ages to respond etc

It’s quite along story as to why we ended we’ve ended several times.. he’s not a bad person I just don’t think he’s ready for a serious Rship the way I am although he says he is actions show otherwise. He has been manipulative at times yea.

I don’t know why I sent it I guess more to see if he would respond that wanting to even reconcile stupid I no

Hopefully he'll have the decency to reply at some point @Lau247 but if he does or doesn't I would suggest deleting his number completely from your phone. So you don't have any temptation. I find that works for me.

@lifegoes deleting doesn’t work for me as there are so many other ways I could contact him if I wanted too social media etc even if your not friends on any platform which we aren’t you can still msg the person unless they block you and he won’t block me I have asked .

I also have the vodaphone app and all my itemised bills are on there and I recognise his number. Sad I know but the only way for me to truely not contact is if I don’t want too and have he will power which clearly I don’t atm!

I knew he wouldn’t respond which is why I’m angry at myself

@Lau247 yes but you can block him on social media and you can not go looking in phone bills for his number!!

I appreciate this is hard, but YOU are causing yourself more pain.

It takes 28 days to kick any habit. Any, from drugs to routine. Anything after that is done from your thoughts. You body and mind have accepted they no longer need the fix/need/routine/person.
You also have to remember you are now also messing with someone else's mind someone that you said suffered from depression.

@Lau247 nooooooooooooooooo I am out at the mo so havent had chance to properly reply but nooooo. Set your phone on fire. It's the only way. On a serious note though dont beat yourself up about it, it's been sent and it's not the worst thing you acted on how you felt. At least for doing it if you dont get a reply you will know for next time you feel that way! I'll reply properly to your other message when I get home

@Lau247 Oh no! But don't beat yourself up about it, it's very easy to break the 'NC trend' in the earlier days. I have gone 6 months, and I was so so close to breaking that yesterday.
Though I feel very sad, I know that I would be (and not be dramatic!) in turmoil right now if I had messaged him. I would have opened up the wounds again, wounds which haven't fully healed, and I couldn't do it to myself.
Did you get a response? How are you feeling now?

@mjvb123 you’ve done really well to come 6 months if you break it you will end up feeling like me .. like complete shit !! He did respond several times but then started ignoring me.. so yep I shouldn’t have bothered I have to start all over again now and I think it’s really just best that I block him. It’s made me feel 100 x worse and it’s not nice someone you were so close to is now a stranger

Oh @Lau247 I'm sorry
How did you feel when he was replying initially?
I think when you text first, even if they do respond it still doesn't make you feel very secure, because it wasn't them that came to you. You wonder if their heart is really in it??
A part of me still wonders if I should have messaged on Friday. Knowing what he's going through right now, I wish I could be there for him.
I always knew his birthday was going to be my biggest NC challenge. And if things do develop more with his mum, I seriously question whether I'd be able to ignore that.
Dust yourself off, sometimes it helps having a set back, the result is a reminder of why you made the decision to go NC.

@mjvb123 I didn’t feel anything really it was all stuff he had said before he said how he has been wanting to contact me thought about me everyday etc still loves me and then when I respond he ignores them it is all mind games and I’m thinking of changing my number as I’d be less likely to contact him if I did that or just blocking him I don’t know. Yeah I agree as I was the one to break it I didn’t feel very secure.. he’s not responded to any of my last messages from yesterday and he’s read them so I think I need to take this as closure and accept it’s finally over it hurts that someone who you were so close to is now a stranger but that break ups for you I guess. It makes it worse all the things he did to me and I feel like I’m the one begging him. I think at 6 months NC you shouldn’t message him especially from reading some of your previous posts you have come very far I should have taken my own advice now I’m on day 1 when it should be day 33... so shit

@Lau247 I'm sorry to hear that. But maybe it shows you that in a strange way you are letting go, as you are feeling less.
I feel like I'd give anything to my ex say he misses me/still thinks about me/loves me.
So in that respect; though I may be 6 months down the line, and on the outside it looks like I'm doing well, I clearly haven't 'let go'.
Do what works for you. I have deleted, then saved again, then deleted etc. But never blocked his number. I never could.
I just don't have it in me.
As you say; it really hurts to see someone you love become a stranger. It's a very hard thing to make peace with.
For now, I don't see myself breaking contact. (Hopefully I keep my word!)

Hi,
I hope you don’t mind me joining this post.
I’m only on 6 days no contact but find it horrible. Going from speaking and seeing someone every day to nothing? You always have a hope that they’ll contact you even though deep down you know that’s not going to happen!

@mjvb123 I think I didn’t feel anything because he’s said things like this numerous times in the past and if he meant it he would be acting very different now. So it didn’t make me feel happy even though he said he thinks about me and loves me still.

I know what you mean it must be hard for you but one message will undo it all and put you right back to square one how I am now. I feel like he’s a stranger after one month so I can only imagine how you feel after 6! Has he not tried to reach out at all?

I’ve deleted and saved again numerous times.. I’ve blocked him on WhatsApp but he can still text me if he wants too as i can’t bring myself to block the number too. It is really hard I hate the fact he is a stranger but he doesn’t care.

@unlucky2015 welcome to the thread ! Keep going with the 6 days it’s really hard I got to 32 days and broke it and it didn’t go well at all.. I’m now back at the start 😟

@Lau247 I get that.... his actions are not matching his words. It is all well and good, but the saying 'actions speak louder than words' is so true.
That's what I've had to keep coming back to.
Yes, in a way it feels like a lifetime ago. Practically my life has moved forwards so much - I have a new job, new friends, my hair's a different colour... you name it!
But I carry around everyday what he did, and how that has changed me as a person. The thing is for me; is that it's still very much my present. And yeah, I probably haven't helped myself by staying in contact with mutual friends. That has been very hard at times. But in a way it's left the 'proverbial' door open. So I do still know about stuff going on his life.
Yes he has. Rather cowardly, back in March he practically begged one of these mutual friends to pass on a message to me.
He said in the message that he didn't want things to end the way it did, putting us both through all that. That there were no hard feelings on his part. He didn't want to hurt me, and that he would be in touch.
I'm welling up replaying it now
It completely threw me. Though I knew he wouldn't leave it. I was disappointed that he didn't come to me directly to say all this. But that pretty much sums up his behaviour, such a coward. I had to think about it, how to respond or to respond at all. Apparently he asked my friend daily for two weeks whether he'd told me.
I actually thank my friend for taking his time telling me. To hear my ex get wound up about it, did help me feel a little better
In the end, I just said that if he wanted to talk, he knows where I am. Our friend told him the ball is in his court. To which he apparently replied 'ok' and was surprised saying he didn't think I wanted to talk to him.
And that's how it's been left. Like a stalemate.
I know, it's awful. I've never felt like this at the end of a relationship before. I've been quite happy to see the back of some people. But despite his treatment, never him. It kills me
Have you?

Been reading through this today to give me the strength not to text my ex today. We have had limited to no contact for just over a week, although the break up was over a month ago. I realise now I probably pushed him away, although logically I know this isn't on me completely but i want desperately to tell him I can and have changed but he left me and didn't want to try at all so I know it will do no good as he gets so frustrated when I bring up trying again. Hoping no contact will be the fix I need to get over this.

I also pushed my ex away as at the start I did the typical beg and do anything you can crazy stuff. I do wish I dealt with the situation better as I made things worse but heat of the moment I suppose and can’t change what’s happened now. Almost completely day 7 of no contact now was so close to caving today but I managed to sway it.
I can’t help but think when he first said he didn’t know what he wanted I should of just done this then but no.
Ahh things could of been different x

I wish I had gone NC after he said he needed time. I'm not convinced it would have changed his mind about leaving but couldn't have hurt. He actually text today about the house and 'hoping you're ok'. Kept my reply to the point, hard with the way I was feeling today but what good will come from more begging.

I think mine could of gone the other way if I gave him space originally but at that moment in time I couldn’t do it and had to literally force an answer about our future out of him which made him end it. Then after that he still did the whole I don’t know what I want, who knows what could happen in a few weeks or months etc etc. It’s fustrating. Men don’t make anything easier. The last time I spoke I said we should take each other off social media and he said it was up to me and he still had my number. Then agreed it was best for a while until his head was straight. The next day he told my friend as she wouldn’t leave it, lol.. that he wanted to be friends and it wasn’t this fault he couldn’t be with me after everything told her he loved me but he couldn’t be back with me. She told him she wouldn’t tell him and he should tell me what he told her as it’s not her place to and out of respect.. guess what he never did. And yes I’ve come to realise begging doesn’t get you anywhere. How long did it take him to contact you after you went no contact x