No Contact

[AnotherOneBitesTheDust]

Going through a pretty rough time at the moment (in the grand scheme of world miseries not so rough, but it's all subjective).....was dumped after a huge row, currently 10 days no contact. Does anyone have any stories of the other person realising their life was miserable without you and coming back? I need some hope to fuel my fantasies!

@anotheronebitesthedust yep he would
Ignore me to the point I got angry and said things I wasn’t proud of and then use it against me cos he knew I’d snap in the end happens every time we go NC then I look like the bad angry person all very manipulative and I don’t want to go back to that place. It’s not long really no and surprisingly It’s gone so quick! But totally get you the longer it goes on your realise the on off cycle really Could be broken even though it’s for the best for us it’s still sad

It gets better in the sense you dont break down 24/7 do you but you just have a constant sad feeling.

But totally get you the longer it goes on your realise the on off cycle really Could be broken even though it’s for the best for us it’s still sad

This exactly.

I already have a second fun job and it's really helping to keep me distracted. I've booked a few holidays too to look forward to.

Weirdly, I'm also having bouts of anger towards him, which I guess is a good sign.

Let's not break ladies... we deserve better and we won't be sad forever!

@Lau247 I know that feeling I've said a lot I'm not proud of but it's annoying isnt it how he has hurt you so much yet you're missing him and want to message but he hasn't been in touch? I really do wonder whether they think the same. How are you feeling today? I think that it's gone quickly too, at the start I thought it would drag.

@Getmyfrownupsidedown I definitely feel like I'll be sad forever. On my gravestone it will say 'here lies AnotherOneBitesTheDust. She was sad' Haha. The sun is shining, beautiful day and I've got in from work and am sat eating biscuits. Not even ordinary biscuits, 130kcal a go kind of biscuits. I'm hoping the second job will help. It will mean I have one or no days off a week ha but it's the weekends I hate so it will help through those. Booking holidays is a good idea! Are they actually holidays away or a holiday from work? Have you got anything nice planned? The anger is also good, when I was my angriest I wrote down things I hated about him to try and get me through when the anger subsided. It helped for a while until I got used to the list and just missed him again Haha. Jesus I'm depressing tonight.

@anotheronebitesthedust I know exactly ! I feel like how dare you do all this to me and not even want to no if I’m doing okay or even care. It’s anger more than sadness for me I feel angry that he hasn’t reached out and the fact he hasn’t makes me want to msg him to find out why he hasn’t lol! He would say because he feels he’s not good enough for me his favourite line! I’m feeling okay I don’t feel sad I just don’t know when the feeling of hoping he will contact me is going to go away. How are you feeling ? Yeah tbh it has actually flown by after the first week went

@Lau247 you've just got to remember that he hasnt been in touch, but you haven't either, that's what I keep reminding myself. I read back the last messages again last night and I got a bit angry too to be honest that he could leave it how he did. Then I just got upset again. I'm wondering when that feeling will go too, will we just wake up one day and not even think about it?! Or when that feeling goes, will it be like starting all over again because the reality that that's really it will kick in?! I just want to have even half a day where I dont think about him once.

I found that blocking him on everything ( email, text, what's app etc) made me feel much more in control and that I wasn't "waiting around for his call." Obvs he could still call me from
Another number but this made me feel better.
Good luck!!

I was totally broken hearted during a break up. He kind of ended it. I didnt know what to do with myself, all I wanted to do was get in contact with him or ANYTHING. I couldn't sleep, eat, think straight...But I did something that was really hard, almost impossible. He wanted out? I gave him what he wanted, I gave him my absence. I went NC, no presence online, nothing.
I practically disappeared.
Three weeks on he was desperately trying to contact me, get a response, anything.
He was going out of his mind.
I learned then that it's the most effective way of gaining someone's attention.
It's called the law of scarcity, and it damn well works lol
But know what was interesting to me? After he came crawling back I realised he could sod off, I had my strength back.

@toddlermom thank you for the advice 😊

@ImTheDamnFoolThatShotHim I've completely disappeared, haven't blocked on WhatsApp, but I didnt want to sink to his level, not changed my picture though (I sound about 12 haha) as that's contact in a way isnt it, i basically wanted it to be like i had died ha. He clearly doesnt care though as 3 weeks and 2 days later and theres still silence! I need this witchcraft that you speak of in my life !

No, don't block on anything, in a few days, change your whatsapp pic to one he hasn't seen before, but it's gotta be absolutely knockout, something you know he'd love, and importantly, you looking HAPPY!
Do you have him on fb or Twitter?

@ImTheDamnFoolThatShotHim I'll have to have a night doing my hair and make up and have a little photo shoot, just make sure Im not fake smiling too much or crying otherwise I'll look like a manic, slightly unhinged clown Haha. I dont have either, the usual advice is make sure you look like you're having fun and not bothered etc but I can't do that, I dont have any social media! Is that what you did in your no contact phase ? Not that I should care at all what he thinks anyway I'm a grown woman for God sake and hes not a nice person but the child in me wants him to be miserable ha

I know how you feel, you try not to show it but it's eating you up.
I know it probably sounds childish the way I played it, but it stopped me going insane, I had a lot of other stuff going on and I wasn't in a good place.
Whether it's 3 weeks or 6 months, the longer you go NC I find the more they wonder why the hell you're not chasing them, they can't stand not knowing what you're up to. They need to know you're pining & devastated (even if you are, don't you dare let them know lol)
Things do get better with time, you need to take care of yourself, I hope that you find peace of mind lovely :)

@ImTheDamnFoolThatShotHim thank you 😊 I'll get there eventually, we all will I hope! Did you end up meeting someone new? I think everyone is like that to some extent, you just do what feels best in the moment to pull you through dont you. There are some days it has taken all my strength not to slowly drive past his house with sunglasses and a fake moustache on to see if there are any suspicious shadows or if he is out at a weekend Haha. I'll probably still be on here in a few years like 'today is day 736 no contact. I made my 8th fake Facebook profile today. I'm not blocked yet. He is getting married next week. I still feel like theres hope, he will message any day now guys!' 😂

:D haha creased! I was slightly obsessed but the fake moustache thing erm :D I got through it yeah, it took a long time, some days were excruciatingly bad, I wanted to cave in and message him, but it got better.
I met someone else, neither of us was looking for a relationship, I never thought I could feel like I do. He's a billion times the man I went NC with, the man who dropped me like I was nothing, he did me a favour.
The break up was the best thing that could have happened.

@anotneronebitesthedust yeah I supppse I can think of it like that I haven’t been in touch either even tho I have had to stop myself A few times but it’s making me a bit crazy not knowing what he’s up too. I’m guilty of putting up a few WhatsApp statuses (me trying to have fun lool)
that he used to watch straight away.. he hasn’t watched a single one since we went NC and Ive noticed he is never online but I am defiantly not blocked .. god I sound sad Lol Maybe he’s doing no contact on me. to be honest every break up I’ve had one day I did just woke up and thought fuk it and I didn’t care anymore so I think it does happen like that. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever had an ex who hasn’t come back but it has never been when I wanted him too always when they literally disgust me lol and I couldn’t think of anything worse

@ImTheDamnFoolThatShotHim haha I've had all sorts of crazy go through my head! Aww that gives me hope, I love a happy ending. I'm glad you're now happy, I know that one day I'll get to that place, but I can't see it at the moment. What happened to the ex, did he keep trying?

@Lau247 your mind is your own worst enemy isnt it, imagining all different scenarios. Can you ever see you two speaking again? If I wasnt blocked I'd have been checking his whastapp status too. Once in my younger (even more unhinged days) I turned my phone screensaver off and then just opened WhatsApp, put my phone on my bedside table and went to sleep so it stayed as 'online' for quite a long time so I looked like I was having fun conversations at all hours. I woke up to messages saying 'who on earth are you speaking to at 2.47am' 'why aren't you answering me' I was like muahaha my master plan worked. In my defence I was only in my teens at the time cough early 20s at least cough. It's nice to know though that most women think the same and we all have our moments.

I would try and stop doing things to get his attention as all its doing is keeping him alive in your head.

I know it's funny and feels good, but what good will it bring you. Instead, he still won't contact you and then it will feel worse.

Honestly, take the plunge delete his number or better still block him he's still obtaining head space for you right now.

He's probably deleted your number so can't even see what you are doing.
Tough love is all 😘

@lifegoes that is very true it does keep fuelling it really, you're right. Hes probably moved on to be honest. I've deleted pics etc the only reason I haven't blocked his number is because I have an android and the model I have you can't actually block calls and texts. When you block a number it still shows that the number tried to call in the call list, it just doesnt pop up on the screen and texts are sent to a separate 'blocked messages' folder so they can still be accessed which is quite annoying. So I would just keep checking that anyway. A number change might be the best idea at some stage!

@anotheronebitesthedust yeah your mind really is a very powerful thing his life wasn’t exactly exciting before but now all of a sudden I think he must be doing these wonderful things. Hmmm I’m not too sure I guess the longer it goes on the less likely I’ll be to even feel comfortable messaging him again.. and I think he will be to coward to reach out so maybe we won’t. Haha more unhinged days .. I actually had no idea you could do that Lool I thought that your phone would lock automatically and you would then show as offline. My ex is kind of the opposite If he feels I’m talking or seeing someone else he is less likely to reach out he is very stubborn when he wants to be. But as @lifegoes on said we shouldn’t do things to try and get their attention because it then does let them know we are still there and they can see what we are doing..
No contact Truely means basically falling off the face or the earth for a while

@Lau247 yeah my ex was the same, I knew his routines and he never did anything especially exciting, but you think maybe they have this new lease of life now and will go all out, especially with summer coming up and the days being as nice as they are now. My ex is the same. The old WhatsApp trick wouldn't have worked on him. Hes stubborn too, I think he probably thought I would have said something in the first week. I dont think he will have expected me to just leave it. The second week he probably thought 'hmmm this is a bit strange, she has usually been in touch by now', but waited it out and then last week the arrogance will have kicked in too 'shes definitely met someone, why else wouldn't she be trying to speak to me'. Hes the same, too stubborn to check, would see it as 'weak' and on top of that just doesnt care enough!

@AnotherOneBitesTheDust I delete their number as I've been here and you can't help but check and it consumes you. If they call, they call. Even better as then you can ignore or take great comfort of them contacting you. Deleting just clears your mind

Mine has been months now, I still have bad days where I want to know what he's doing. But I'm glad I deleted his number so I can't check on WhatsApp. But it does getter better when you just try and remove everything to stop you from looking.

@anotheronebitesthedust tbh all my ex really does is work But yeah it defiantly does make me wonder what he’s up to now it’s getting warmer. My ex is the same I usually msg him after a few days of an argument so I think he probably
Thought I would too I’ve never managed to go this long so I’m sure he’s surprised but then on the other hand I think is he relieved is he happy I haven’t. The sheer fact he’s probably expecting it is one of the main things stopping me from messaging him. Yeah defiantly agree my ex is prob thinking that too that I have met someone else as I said a few things in our last argument that weren’t true 🙈 regarding other guys. His friend has been watching all my stories don’t know If guys report back like women do lol I think really none of this matters as if a man did want to reach out nothing would stop him

I replied a little bit further up thread, but wondered what you fellow 'NC-ers' think of a little predicament I'm in...
I am 6 months no contact with my ex. He did give me a message through a mutual friend a couple of months ago. It seemed a cowardly attempt at apologising for how things had ended, and for causing me pain.
It was left with said mutual friend telling him the ball was in his court, and he apparently said he would be in contact.
Alas, he has not.
Friday is his birthday. And I am in two minds as to whether to reach out or not.
Would I be using the wrong occasion to do so? Will I be setting myself up for more pain?
It feels so sad to not acknowledge his birthday, but at the same time; he may not be receptive and I will feel like a fool for still caring.
Any thoughts?

@mjvb123 I would leave it. He doesn't deserve a happy birthday message. Why does he?!

@lifegoes I know, I know....but now I've just found out his mum has taken a turn for the worst, and it looks like she doesn't have much time left
It really is a war of the heart and the head!