No Contact

[AnotherOneBitesTheDust]

Going through a pretty rough time at the moment (in the grand scheme of world miseries not so rough, but it's all subjective).....was dumped after a huge row, currently 10 days no contact. Does anyone have any stories of the other person realising their life was miserable without you and coming back? I need some hope to fuel my fantasies!

I'm struggling a bit this weekend, had NC for 4 months. I've been fine then this weekend I can't stop thinking about them. I don't know where it's come from or why. I'm trying to keep busy but I miss them. It feels quite overwhelming. Any advice?

@AnotherOneBitesTheDust
Atleast you don’t live close by. We live 30minutes apart, prob why he could get away with a double life, but I work a lot in his area.
You had a good weekend? Despite nothing helping.
I’m the same, I’ve kept busy, seen friends, hardly been home. But today I’m just fed up, angry, upset. Why should I be living in this house, with all this stuff, whilst he is just getting on with stuff, and NC to even sort it out. I can’t just chuck the DSC things in the bin. I’m so frustrated by it all today, I’ve even messaged OW (I know that is prob done me no favours and isn’t her problem, but if she wants to play happy families, she can deal with the stuff).

@lifegoes
Sorry I don’t have any advice, other than keep going. I think there must be light at the end of the tunnel....

@lifegoes sorry to hear you're struggling. I'm only on day 14 so that is nothing in comparison to your 4 and a half months, I should be asking you for advice!

@GreyCloud81 has the OW replied? Has he contacted you since the letter was dropped off? I had plans for today, and I had an early night last night feeling ok and woke up this morning and just couldn't be bothered. I've managed to put a load of washing on and that's about it! I'm glad you've managed to keep busy. Could you drop all his things at the OWs?! It shouldn't be up to you to do that but you need to be able to start processing everything and that's impossible for you how it currently is.

@anotheronebitesthedust
No reply. I don’t think she will even tell him I’ve messaged. I don’t think she trusts him (why would she) and is obviously leaving lines of communication open, so she can check up on him. But he is/was under the impression that she has blocked me.
Heard nothing from him since I dropped the letter off on Friday. Even though he said he would contact me to arrange collection, money owed and the business later that day.
I had a call today saying that he was still claiming that I was working for his “primary” business, which has infuriated me.
I’ve woke up the same today, it’s weird isn’t it? Had loads of plans, and I’ve just about pulled myself together to wash some clothes and cut the grass.

Hi ladies,

How are we all holding up?

Another one here... been lurking the past few days. Only Day 3 for me (this time) and I find I'm constantly looking to see if he is online, although I think he's removed me from social media. It's like I'm desperately holding on to that little thread of connection even though I know he is toxic for me and ending the relationship is the best thing he has done for me.

It was me who broke NC last time at about day 10. I'm hoping this time I stay the distance and reading about your journeys is motivation to stay strong.

@anotheronebitesthedust my night out was was good thanks. I’m doing okay but still
Think of him near enough 24 7 it’s meant to get easier but if I’m honest I thought I maybe would have heard from him by now it’s been 3 weeks and I guess it just feels final now this wasn’t just one of our on and off tiffs I feel it is off for good which is for the best. The thoughts of is there someone else are quite strong atm.. I’ve deleted his number as I found myself just checking his WhatsApp several times a day sad I no lol. Him not living local is good like you said no chance or
Bumping in to him. Keeping busy is good but I guess we just have to ride this feeling out till it goes !

@Lau247 I'm glad you had a good night. Did it help take your mind off things? I'm starting to feel like its 'final' too. I was that used to the tiffs that I thought I would have heard something too. I've never gone through even one weekend not speaking so now that it's the second , one being a bank holiday, it feels very real. The WhatsApp urge is too strong isnt it. I'm blocked so I'm ok on my phone apart from my spare sim card Haha. I'm resisting the urge to put that in though again and have convinced myself again he is dead as that is the only reason I can possibly think of as to why he doesnt want to talk to me Haha. That or a date. I've even resorted to asking my friend to put his number in whastapp and check if he is online. There is no limit to how low I will go Haha. Do you really think there is someone else? What was your last conversation like with him?

@Getmyfrownupsidedown welcome! It's tough going isnt it? How long were you together? What caused the break up? I think I'm slowly going insane, it helps having people to talk to going through similar though.

@anotheronebitesthedust yeah that’s exactly
Like me I’m so used to this that I didn’t really believe it but the longer it goes on the more I am coming to terms with it. Yeah very strong I check several times a day and just look at him online Lool sad ! But it’s not good so for now he’s deleted. I have heard that ppl pretend their ex’s are dead to get over them Lool maybe the way forward. And mines never blocked me but don’t worry I’ve been there asking friends to check when I thought he had. I’ve also contacted him off my work phone during arguments when he hasn’t answered my calls. I do and I don’t I don’t really think another Rship but I think someone defiantly has his attention at the moment this is the longest time we’ve ever not spoke apart from after my abortion where I got to 3.5 weeks and then caved. The last conversation we were arguing over the same stuff and he responded with one of his long bshit essays which is normal behaviour for him half of which don’t make sense and he just promises aload of shit that he doesn’t even attempt to put into action so i actually ignored it and we haven’t spoken since that day. I do keep checking my letter box 🙈 if he reaches out it will probably be via letter or email as he’s done before he won’t msg me. What was your last convo like with your ex ?

@Lau247 wow your last conversation with him would be a really strange one for it to end on, I would have thought he would have said more after that? Surely if he meant it he would want to put it into practise? The last conversation we had he told me he didnt love me enough to sort anything ha. Absolutely brutal. At the time I didnt think too much of it, he said awful things all the time in rows, but now sat here on day 15 I'm thinking hmmm maybe there was some truth in that Haha. I think women just torture themselves with social media dont they. I dont have Facebook or Instagram which is good because I would drive myself crazy. Whastapp I'm blocked so that's better in a way. Now this is how unhinged I am, when I used to have an iPhone and he blocked me I just used to set the iMessage to use a different email address of mine to send the message from and I would iMessage from that like ping ping! Me again! Hahaha. I have real issues. I shouldn't be writing this in a forum!!!

@anotheronebitesthedust he usually would say more that’s why I am suspicious as to what is going on atm and why he’s just left it and I’m thinking is someone else involved. Exactly he doesn’t put any of it into practice he’s a very good talker but he shows little to no action and I just have nothing left to say I can’t change him and spent a very long time trying. Ahh that mustn’t have been very nice to hear I dunno how I’d handle that. But yeah I guess cos he’s done it before you probably thought it was just another argument. I wouldn’t be surprised if he does msg you soon though. I have Facebook but I don’t use it he has Facebook and we’re not friends but we’re connected on messenger for some reason and I noticed he has constantly been online I didn’t think ppl used Facebook chat anymore lol and have no idea who he would be talking to on there so I’ve now deleted the app. He doesn’t have Instagram and I’m very Happy he doesn’t tbh as I don’t want to stalk him lol. I think it is probably a good thing you are blocked as at Least you can’t see anything at all it’s better off that alway. Oh I didn’t know you could do that haha that’s given me ideas Lool. Well I feelna bit of a loser talking Ona. Forum whilst he’s probably out there not giving two shits!! Lol

@Lau247 I know I feel really sad talking about it on a forum too whilst he is probably running around loving life, but it helps to talk about things doesnt it. We can just pretend that there is a men's forum somewhere where they are hopefully spilling out all their feelings and crying about what idiots they have been. Highly unlikely but we can hope Haha. Yeah he was awful when we last spoke, I was reading the last messages again this morning and I sound so pathetic in them but looking back I dont understand how he could have just left things like that. I'm having a morning though where I feel ok and dont care so much. You've done well deleting apps. Is there any way you could find out if there was someone else or would you not want to know? I'd prefer not to know I think. The other day i hit a new level of crazy too.....walking around the streets and supermarket looking at people thinking 'he might like you' 'you might be talking to him' and then hating someone I didnt even know hahaha. Heartbreak does some crazy things to you.

@AnotherOneBitesTheDust
Not even that long, around 18months. He didn't want to talk about his emotions and he ended it by saying he didn't see a future. He was very demanding about my time, monitoring my online activity and I was starting to push back.

I am trying to make sense of it all, his actions and words don't add up.

My current line of though is that we are upset about a life we are imagining for ourselves and not mourning them as a person if that makes sense? We've invested all this time and effort for what?

And then we think why were we not good enough? When what we should be saying is, they weren't good enough, we deserve better.

I sound all wise, as I sit here checking whether he is online and wondering what he is doing and hoping that he'll call me - while I fend off the feeling of dread that is gnarling away in the pit of my stomach!

@Getmyfrownupsidedown he sounds as psychotic as me 😂 he will be hating the fact you've not been in touch, sounds like he could be quite controlling. That is exactly it, we are mourning someone we thought we loved but actually we love someone who doesnt exist.

It was EA. The more I talk about it, the more I see it. But doesn't stop the irrational emotions.

That's the nail on the head. They don't exist.

We need to put ourselves first :)

@anotheronebitesthedust haha I’m sure there is a men’s forum out there somewhere however I highly doubt my ex is on there loool ohh I can never read back messages I delete all traces of messages when we break up it makes me feel better I don’t want to see anything. I’m sure you don’t sound pathetic but we have all been there but at least you’ve not contacted him again. Maybe delete the msg thread ? I know his best friend actually knew him before I knew my ex and have his number but he would of course never tell me anything and I wouldn’t want to know so I’m glad he isn’t the type to post things and use social media he doesn’t even have a WhatsApp picture he’s one of them ppl lol. He does however use snap chat and I’ve thought about making a fake account to spy but I won’t cos if I see anything I don’t like it will just hurt me 🙈 I have done similar things like that looking at other ppl etc but not with this break up. I can’t believe it will be a month next week we haven’t spoken he also knows I have been going through a lot lately not even just in regards to him and the fact he hasn’t reached out to even see if I am ok considering the way things were left just makes me not wanna talk to him even more. I feel like when I think about him I don’t even know him anymore. I honestly don’t think he will msg me again any time soon and I have no intentions of ever messaging him again

I wish I had your resolve. I can't bring myself to delete and I find myself reading back, then just get myself upset. Vicious cycle I can't control.

I know this means I'm technically not NC

After a positive and strong (ish) couple of days, I'm wavering and tearful today, but hanging on in there.

How is everyone getting on?

I'd a pretty positive weekend, but fighting the urge to contact ex today. Can't focus my mind.

@getmyfrownupsidedown I’ve been fighting the urge to contact my ex too pretty badly in the last 3 days.. it’s been a month NC for me this week and reality that it’s over has defiantly kicked in

@Lau247 @Getmyfrownupsidedown sorry I've been a bit quiet the past few days, been really struggling too. I hit the 3 week and a day mark. It gets better in the sense you dont break down 24/7 do you but you just have a constant sad feeling. I've even applied for a second job so I can just work every day Haha. How are you both doing?

@anotheronebitesthedust 3 weeks is really good and you should be proud of that! I am at the 4 week mark tmrow (not like we’re counting haha) since Saturday I’ve really wanted to contact him the only thing that is stopping me is 1. I know he will ignore it and 2. I’ve come to far to give up now. A second job is a good idea it’s good to keep busy

@Lau247 yeah I figured if I'm working then I'm more distracted Haha do you know for sure he wouldn't reply? You cant message now it will undo all your hardwork! Just think it will be like going back to square one. I know what you mean though it is really difficult. I just miss him and feel like I dont know him anymore.

@anotheronebitesthedust yeah distraction is good! Don’t think I want another job though lol. I don’t know for sure but I think it’s likely he won’t last time I broke it I took me sending several msgs to get a response. But yeah that’s what I keep thinking if I do contact the last month has been for nothing. I feel exactly the same it’s only been a month which isn’t even that long but I totally feel like i don’t know him anymore like I wouldn’t even know what to say if I spoke to him again

@Lau247 you had to send a few messages to get a reply? That's awful especially considering the circumstances last time too. A month isnt really long is it, but each week just creates more distance doesnt it and not nice. I was expecting to be thinking about him less at this stage and that's not really changing.