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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ringing and texting all the time.

55 replies

Fullofthought · 26/04/2019 13:14

Been seeing someone since Jan and recently he has started to text and call all the time. If I don't answer a text straight away he is calling me if I don't answer the phone he tries to come round my home or worse my parents home to see where I am. I cannot do anything just me and my daughter. He wants to be in with everything I do. He questions what I spend my own money on and wants to know everything that's going on in my life. I'm feeling suffocated by him. And to get any piece and quite I have to go out, tell my mum and dad I'm going out and switch my phone off. Meaning my mum and dad then get a visit off him unless they go out too. Help!

OP posts:
Faster · 26/04/2019 13:17

Controlling arsehole flag flying high there.
Run away.

KTD27 · 26/04/2019 13:17

I think maybe you know what you need to do don’t you? Let him down gently, let him down like a tonne of bricks - it doesn’t matter but get rid of him! He sounds controlling and suffocating after a very short time. Red flags for days. Good luck OP

NameChangeNugget · 26/04/2019 13:23

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

He sounds unhinged. Bin him off

thelastgoldeneagle · 26/04/2019 13:24

That is insane and fucking rude. Bin him!

MetroFly · 26/04/2019 13:26

What help do you need? This is not normal and you don't want it, get rid ASAP.

HollowTalk · 26/04/2019 13:28

He sounds insane. Tell him it's over and tell him HE is the reason why it's over. If he calls to your house and hassles you, call the police. Block him as soon as you've dumped him.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/04/2019 13:30

You need to dump him IMMEDIATELY. Massive red flags.

Original poster
Fullofthought · 26/04/2019 13:33

That's what I thought. He will not let me have time with DD age 7 alone and tells her he is special to her. I need space. I need to be able to live my life.

OP posts:
LumpyPillow · 26/04/2019 13:35

Really really not normal and as a pp said, unhinged. Something is very very wrong with him and with his intentions towards you.

End it, IMMEDIATELY, tell your parents your plan and to not engage or answer the door.

Youre only a few months in, you should be able to shake him off. Stick around any longer (out of fear of how he will react) and you could have a much harder time getting rid and have some serious problems as a result. Do not give in, block, report to police if ever you need to. Do not let fear of what he will say, think, do stop you from ending this relationship.

This is serious. Act NOW.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/04/2019 13:36

You have to get away from him right now. Text him that it's over and then block him. Inform your parents right away and tell them to not answer the door of he comes around. Call the police straight away if needed. You need to take his abusive behaviour very seriously.

wishywashy6 · 26/04/2019 13:37

Can't stress enough how much you need to get away from this situation
Stay safe

LumpyPillow · 26/04/2019 13:41

And actually when i said 'could' have problems, you WILL. Because you already have. If you think this is bad, if you don't firmly end it, it will become a living nightmare. For the sake of your child he likely can't wait to get his hands on/control as well as you and your parents, block him out.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 26/04/2019 13:42

This is seriously bonkers controlling batshittery. If he's like this after three months what on earth is he going to be like after six?

Don't find out. Dump him and don't change your mind. Text asking him not to contact you again. If he refuses to accept your decision please feel free to call the police.

ThatCurlyGirl · 26/04/2019 13:43

Why aren't you ending it love? This should be a really easy decision - he's making you uncomfortable, suffocated and unhappy, you deserve so much more!

Do you feel able to tell him it's over and to stick to your decision?

hellsbellsmelons · 26/04/2019 13:45

You need to be very blunt with him and make it very clear that this is over now.
You may need to call 101 to let them know that this is what you are doing and explain his behaviour to them.
He won't go quietly so ensure the Police are aware.
They can also put you on a priority call list so if you dial 999 they will be there fast.
Tell your mum and dad to do the same.
Tell him via text and then block him on everything.
This guy is very dangerous, so you need to be rid of him fast.
Protect yourself and your DD from this.
Are your parents strong people.
Will they tell him to fuck off if he turns up at their house?

Original poster
Fullofthought · 26/04/2019 13:47

I don't know how to say it to him. I know I need to get away from him but how do I do it? I struggle to do this sort of thing.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/04/2019 13:50

Jesus, op. All you have to text is "Our relationship is over. Do not contact me or my family again." That's it. There is no discussion needed AT ALL.

SouthernComforts · 26/04/2019 13:50

Why are you letting this nutter near you and especially your daughter? Sounds too ridiculous to be true tbh..

Easterbunnyhashoppedoff · 26/04/2019 13:51

Just a quick text
Sorry it isn't working out.
Please stop contacting me.
Fullofthought
Or just fuck off you weirdo??

CletusVanDamme · 26/04/2019 13:51

You text/phone and say it's not working for you and it's over.
Do not mention he is suffocating you or he will use that as a ploy to convince you be will change.
Tell him not to contact you.
If he harasses you or your parents call the police.

cakeandchampagne · 26/04/2019 13:52

This is one of the ways an abusive relationship starts.
Hells is right- he is “very dangerous”.

Original poster
Fullofthought · 26/04/2019 13:54

Sent a message to him. Blocked him on fb and on my phone. Thanks for the kick up the bum.

OP posts:
shuthefrontdoor · 26/04/2019 13:56

Good luck OP x

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 26/04/2019 13:56

If I were you I'd probably just send him a simple message saying "Sorry [bloke's name] this isn't working for me any more, so I'm calling it a day. Good luck for the future."

Short, polite and to the point. If he turns up just ask him if he got your message and then repeat that the relationship isn't working for you and it's over. And no, you don't want to discuss it as you're not going to change your mind.

If he pesters after that you'd be within your rights to report him.

Tell your parents. Accept any help they offer. If necessary perhaps you could stay with them for a few days

Aquamarine1029 · 26/04/2019 13:59

Well done, op. You MUST stay strong and refuse to let him back into your life. I fully expect him to try to weasel his way back in with bullshit promises to change his behaviour, but please trust me that he WILL NOT change. If he threatens you even once or show up at your door, call the police. Do not allow him into your home. Have you told your parents?