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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ringing and texting all the time.

55 replies

Fullofthought · 26/04/2019 13:14

Been seeing someone since Jan and recently he has started to text and call all the time. If I don't answer a text straight away he is calling me if I don't answer the phone he tries to come round my home or worse my parents home to see where I am. I cannot do anything just me and my daughter. He wants to be in with everything I do. He questions what I spend my own money on and wants to know everything that's going on in my life. I'm feeling suffocated by him. And to get any piece and quite I have to go out, tell my mum and dad I'm going out and switch my phone off. Meaning my mum and dad then get a visit off him unless they go out too. Help!

OP posts:

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 26/04/2019 13:59

You'd updated while I was typing, Fullofthought. So glad to hear your news. Good for you and your DD.

ThatCurlyGirl · 26/04/2019 14:02

If he does start hassling you (which I hate to say sounds likely) then send one polite but firm message along the lines "our relationship is over, please do not contact me or my family again or I will contact the police."

Then block him on all platforms and ask your family to do the same. Tell them they are not to respond in any way at all.

Then if any further contact, follow through and ask them initially to give him a PIN notice and have a word with him.

This will often scare them off as the next step would be a formal caution for harassment.

Hopefully though he will go quietly and you can forget about him and start having lovely time with your DD again!

CletusVanDamme · 26/04/2019 14:02

Well done OP.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/04/2019 14:02

well done OP- block and do not see this individual again- if he repeatedly shows up at any of your homes Id consider a restraining order.

TBH though you've only been seeing this guy since Jan and he's already met your daughter and knows where your parents live. Id move more slowly next time.

Easterbunnyhashoppedoff · 26/04/2019 14:04

Please let school know that you have had some bother..
One of my neighbours year ago became a bit obsessive like you described, not even in any sort of relationship but he convinced my dd's nursery he was her df and they rang me to check he could collect her!! Dread to think if I hadn't taken the call...

fecketyfeck21 · 26/04/2019 14:05

well done op for ending it, lucky escape by the sounds of it. hope he has got the message and now leaves you, dd and your parents alone.

ILoveCrunchyAutumnLeaves · 26/04/2019 14:09

My ex was like this he would hound my mum, my neighbours & friends, telling them all a sob story for me to take him back.

It went on for 3 years, until he me someone else. People still think I was cruel to him even though they saw him harassing me & say aw he must of loved you though especially women who would not put up with it themselves

It's taken a couple of years for me to adjust back and not be on edge, please do call the Police if needs be and keep a log of all the stalking.

Good Luck

hellsbellsmelons · 26/04/2019 14:16

Ensure he's blocked on everything else.
Messenger, Whatsapp, Instagram, snapchat, etc.....
Well done.
I really hope he leaves you alone but I fear you may need to involve the police at some point soon.

RLEOM · 26/04/2019 14:18

Well done, OP. His behaviour is odd to say the least! Please stay safe.

LumpyPillow · 26/04/2019 14:47

Well done OP.

When he inevitably says 'we need to meet to talk' you have to say no. When he turns up, ignore, call police, be firm.

CrunchyAutumnLeaves post tells you exactly what can happen if you had left it any longer. Once they think theyve got you and everyone you know and love under their control, they can stalk for years. for you crunchy, so many more women go through this than people realise.

It sounds like you have hopefully had a very lucky escape. This is really serious and it would be best for you if you have a big think about future partners and what your expectations should be for letting anyone in yours and your daughters life. It happens to the best of us, and some monsters are very good at hiding in plain sight, but it often happens because our self esteem is so very low, we sleepwalk into it. Be good to yourself!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/04/2019 14:49

Easterbunnyhashoppedoff omg thats horrendous/ terrifying. Did you call the police?

sammylady37 · 26/04/2019 15:23

Well done on ending it OP. Be prepared for abject apologies, promises to change etc and when they don’t work be prepared for the suicide threats. Not your problem, fault or responsibility.

However, you do need to think about your own behaviour here and change it. You only met him in January, it’s still April and he’s already met your daughter and been telling her he’s special to her. WTF??? Your daughter shouldn’t even know there is a new boyfriend in your life, let alone have met him, and met him frequently enough for him to be telling her they’ve a special relationship. You have a duty to protect her and that includes keeping your love interests away from her until the relationship is serious and you have a good sense of them.

TeaForTheWin · 26/04/2019 15:25

Well done on getting shot, sounds lie he was personality disordered. If he tries to worm his way back in (a common way will be trying to guilt trip you or make you feel like you owe him an explaination - fyi you don't) then ignore, ignore, ignore.

Easterbunnyhashoppedoff · 26/04/2019 15:28

When I met someone he trashed his car!! I moved quite a bit away and he was jailed soon after but never knew what for.
Lucky escape.

wishywashy6 · 26/04/2019 16:45

This 1000 times

Original poster

Fullofthought · 26/04/2019 17:02

The relationship was with someone that my daughter had know before the relationship started as he had been a friend for Years. But now gone from both out life's forevermore.

OP posts:

candycane222 · 26/04/2019 17:03

You've done the right thing. People can be a bit stern on here, but it's all good advice, and if you need more help there will always be people here who can give it. I hope all goes well from here.

Charley34 · 26/04/2019 19:45

Well done OP hugs for you 💐

JK1773 · 26/04/2019 19:51

Well done OP!!! Now you and everyone you know have to be very strong with boundaries. He will probably try anything and everything to reach you.

Isthisit22 · 26/04/2019 19:51

Well done op. Got a feeling he won't go quietly though. When he turns up at yours and/or your parents' tell him that if he does it again you will call the police. Then stick to your word.
Fingers' crossed he doesn't

ThatCurlyGirl · 27/04/2019 13:13

@Fullofthought How are you doing today OP? Anything from the ex so far? Hope you're ok

Original poster

Fullofthought · 27/04/2019 13:18

One message that I can see from the blocked list and that's it :)

OP posts:

NannyRed · 27/04/2019 13:47

All you have to text is "Our relationship is over. Do not contact me or my family again." That's it. There is no discussion needed AT ALL.

This, says everything.

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 28/04/2019 13:20

Ooh run for the hills

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 28/04/2019 13:30

Glad to see your update, OP. Looks like he's got the message. That must be a relief.

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