Which man out of the two would you choose?

[Jayde87]

1. man number one:- intense sexual chemistry with him. He is 2.5 years older than me. Junior doctor earning around £35,000-40,000. Highly intelligent. Tall. Good looking. He asks me to go back to his place for drinks. We had a make-out session the other night. kissing etc. He was pretty passionate. He called me sexy and beautiful. Seems to like beer a bit too much though (drinks a pint nearly every day and asks me to drink as well). Not sure if I trust him completely with other women because he is so good at seducing me, but i could be v wrong. He has had 5 girlfriends and a few other relationships. Known him for a month so all very new. Not really sure of his personality but he seems very outgoing and likes to party.
2. Man number 2. Known for a year. Had same sort of chemistry as number 1 but this has died down. 11 years older than me. Not as attractive as 1 but is mature, kind, great listener, serious, very intelligent and would make a great supportive husband. Not got loads in common due to age gap but we have some hobbies in common. Never had a girlfriend due to not finding anyone he would like to date. He is quiet and has a few close friends. Doesn’t like to drink or party.

Number 2 is a massive no, the sex sounds awful and that's before you've been in the relationship a few years and potentially have to make an effort. Number 1 sounds like fun for a while. Interestingly you've mentioned chemistry but does either of them make you laugh. Cause if that's missing then there is no point. Do not settle for someone to look after you, you will end up miserable and resentful. You need someone who is your equal, respects you and makes you laugh 😉

With that income there is no reason #2 should be living with his parents at 43! Please don't settle for #2 everything you have said about him screams NO! I'd go for 1 - he's put effort in with LDR with a previous girlfriend so no reason to assume he wouldn't make an effort just because he likes a drink. IME lots of Junior Drs like to let off steam with a bit of partying. This wouldn't be a red flag to me but it's obviously up to you! I'd give him a chance. #2 has had ages to win you over and you're still not that into him. Good luck!

#1 sounds like a fucking nightmare. #2 hasn't had any relationships which I find weird af. Onto #3

Number 1 has made me laugh a few times before. He seems quite an upbeat and positive person.
Number 2 has never made me laugh. We have v different senses of humour. We only do small talk.

Why would you even consider number 2?

Here was me thinking dentists were intelligent folk

No need to bash my intelligence! I just want some outside perspective as I don’t trust my own judgment sometimes. I’m not a v good judge of character which has landed me in trouble a few times!

I would consider number 2 because he is a good listener, gives me a lot of his time, generous and is like a dad figure (wise, supportive, can be critical of me when needed, good judge of things), trustworthy.

Ffs is this Aibu where the c*nts congregate? No need to be that nasty to op.

It's a well know thing that if you can't choose between 2 then neither of them are quite right.

You're wasting so much time deciding whether 1 or 2 is better for you that you've not even seen number 3 who is probably much more suited to you.

But if number 2 earns a good salary, he could afford to rent and not live with his parents?

Yeah he earns £150k a year and he has a few million pounds saved up. But his elderly parents live in a really big house by themselves. There are loads of spare rooms so he didn’t see a reason to rent (or buy until he got married)

If you can’t choose neither are right for you. You should be really into the person you’re dating so it naturally progresses. It shouldn’t be hard work! You should both be drawn to each other!

You know what - we are all different. Number 2 sounds to me like a business deal - all practical and dull. BUT you keep coming back to the good you see in him/his situation and that may just be what you are looking for.

I too don’t think either sound great and applaud your insight that you sometimes don’t have great judgement (forgive me I think that was what you said). Do what you think best. Accept that what loads of us think sounds dull might actually be great for you and we are not you ! Good luck.

Sorry for awful dentist puns in earlier post btw.

Remember you're looking for a partner/husband. Not a dad. Dad applications closed several decades ago for you!

What area of medicine does the Dr work in?

I still think they both sound awful in different ways but he could win me around with a well regarded specialism.

Thanks for the dental puns heron.

I find myself being drawn to number 1 but I am put off by his beer habit! He likes to drink a pint of beer on his days off when he goes to the bar (he said he drinks responsibly). I don’t really like guys who drink at all unless on special occasions.

He is a neuroscientist. He has finished his phd, and is training to become an academic doctor with a specialty in neuroscience. He went to cambridge university on a scholarship so pretty smart.

Well no1 is clearly the better date and has potential. No2 sounds like a complete dud, unless you're after a Dad? You sound like you're gold digging frankly.
But as everyone else has said, if you can't decide, then neither are right.

I do have an absent dad so having a dad figure in my life would be nice. Is there anything wrong with that that I can’t see? Wouldn’t having a dad figure be good for me?

Well it worked for Jane Austen's Emma so ...😉.

Can't see any possible reason to have even a second date with #2.
If you don't date, how will you meet a nice man?

Academic intelligence is not the same as emotional intelligence.

There's also no need to be so rude to/lash out at the op, seems like using a poster as a verbal punch bag. You can make your point without being derogatory.

Of course I don’t actually SEE number 2 as my dad so it wouldn’t be psychological incest lol. It is just that the 11 year age and maturity difference means that he will be wiser on things and less excited and giddy about new things as I am. And he gives me good advice.

That was at motherof..