The next stage of my life WILL be better...

[Dumbledior]

New thread for me to moan...

Lou - I have been with him for 19 years - it is not that easy to just walk away. You know that.

i'm pretty sure that if you do have a problem with food then it is because of him

dump him and you could lose 160 lbs overnight

whata weight loss!

i do

but i think you have come to that time now

Well, he has forced me in to it really. We are at an impase. He won't touch me fat (even an affectionate hug, which breaks my heart), and I won't want him when I am thin.

impasse

i dont blame you really

I don't WANT to feel this way, but I have been here before. I lose the weight, he has sex with me, but it becomes just once a month and I am a 'sex maniac'.

well there you go, you see it's always something lese

so it isnt about your weight, it is about him being a twat

I didn't get married wanting it to end, but looking back I think it has always been on the cards. I should have split before we married really. But then I would not have ds.

Dior obviously his controlling side, the weight issue etc is at the forefront of your mind. But your latest posts say that even if you lost the weight, you know you would still not be compatible because he does not have the same sex drive as you anyway. So you could lose all the weight and then still be utterly miserable because physically, you are just not compatible?

In that case, what incentive is there to stick around and try and sort this out? Will that ever change? Do you want him if you are not sexually compatible - it is obviously very important to you.

What is keeping you there?

of course you didnt, you've given it a good old go, feel proud of the effort you have made and shame on him for the effort he hasnt

Yes, sex is a big thing for me. But I would only want it once or twice a week - not 5 times a day. I find it hard to know that he feels under pressure, as if having sex with me is a chore, even slim. When we were TTC, he moaned about having to do it every other day! He was glad when I fell pg, if only because he didn't have to keep having sex with me .

wow.....speechless

No wonder you feel so low

As hard as it will be, I really do think you would be happier alone than in a relationship with someone who makes you feel this way.

Thats so sad.

I know what you mean about stuffing though.

I never used to do that, but over the last couple of years Ive started doing that with choc or crisps.

you really do need the strenght to break free from him. what his done to you is systematic abuse. bit by bit he has chipped at yourself confidence and he will carry on chippin until there is absolutely nothing left.

So what if you eat a couple of chocie bars? seriously why does that hurt him so much? Im pretty sure that your eating habits are down to you feeling so miserable. They say sex and chocolate release the same ( some clever word!!) thingy's in the brain. So put simply ( for my benefit) your not getting one so your doubling up on the other ie chocolate.

19 years is a very long time to be with someone. even longer if your made to feel like he is making you feel. do you want to stick around for another 19 years?? You only get one life please start living it for you and ds.

im sure in a way us all saying our bit must make you feel like your being bullied in a way. but you know no one on here would ever want you to feel that way. we all want you to be happy and unfortunately it seems the only way is for you to break away from your marriage. But that is your decision.

Just remebember you are worthwhile and you are beautiful ( have seen your pic!) and even if you are a few stone heavier you still have that beautiful face and a beautiful heart and if dh cant see that his a bleep bleep bleep bleep idiot!

take care x

Getting in touch with the solicitor is a brave step. Good for you.

I really do appreciate all the comments and they ARE giving me strength. It is hard and I am frightened, but I DO feel a tiny bit stronger. I would like to thank all of you who are putting up with my threads and making an effort to put up with my indecision.

Dior your thread makes me feel so sad for you....and in a way I wonder if my H hadn't cheated whether I would have been you in 10 years miserable and worn down ...so don't think we are just putting up with you ...some of us get strength from you too

It's weird because, if you met me, most of the time you would think I am a bubbly person. I can laugh with my friends. It is just at home that I retreat into myself (apart from when the depression is at its worst). I DO feel worn down and miserable with the whole thing. I hope it is not bringing everyone else down too...

you obviously know that the split is inevitable...
he is making you afraid to approach him because you know for a fact that he is going to turn it around and make you feel incompetant.have you thought about going about it in a differant way??? maybe you should get the wheels in motion regard to the solicitor first and let them deliver the divorce papers or whatever it is...that way if this is definately what you want you can just say to him that your mind is up, you dont want to discuss it because of his conrolling and there is no other way.I know that its easier said than done,but you know that he is just grinding you into the ground.how much more degrading can you cope with before you finally say enough is enough???? you are a lovely woman and deserve to be happy....sorry foe invading and waffling but it makes me sad that you are being treated x

Thanks again everyone. I am in that 'putting myself down' state of mind. Today, my sister was saying about getting someone in to help with the students at work. I instantly assumed that I would not be required any more! She told me I am 'an integral part' of the office, which made me realise what I twit I was being.

I know I do put myself down. I have moments of seeing myself in a positive way, but they go quite quickly. I am guessing they will hang around longer when h is not around

Ds is off sick today, so no visits to new baby. He is a poorly thing bless him.

I went to WW this am and have lost weight. I didn't want to know amounts but she said it was very good! First week loss I know, but I am still pleased. I knew I had lost weight because my work trousers were much less 'snug'. Diet is going well so far.