Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The next stage of my life WILL be better...

998 replies

Dumbledior · 15/07/2007 19:49

New thread for me to moan...

OP posts:
lou33 · 03/09/2007 16:36

yes i would do teh same thing for my friends

Dior · 03/09/2007 23:03

Message withdrawn

lou33 · 04/09/2007 00:25

yeh but i met him years ago with you and thought the same of him then, before i knew you had probs, you know that

MrsMarvel · 04/09/2007 00:33

Haven't read the thread so excuse me for butting in. From what I have read I would suggest that you leave him asap. You want to but are afraid. You need to convince yourself that he will be fine and you will be fine. If you're not fine, then you can get back together. But just do it when you can. There will never be a right time so don't wait for it.

MrsMarvel · 04/09/2007 00:46

Just read the thread and I take back what I said there. Not sure what to make of it but sorry I jumped the gun. There's a lesson. I just read the abusing controlling behaviour bit and went ott!

Anniegetyourgun · 04/09/2007 09:43

I can understand why it's hard to decide. You read about really horrendous relationships here which so obviously MUST end, but your problem is much subtler. He doesn't sound like the kind of man who will do something horrid enough to make your mind up for you. That doesn't make your unhappiness any less legitimate though. One of Annie's patented metaphors coming up: it's like sitting in the bath while the water gets colder, thinking you WILL get out in a minute but can't face that chilly bit between leaving the water and grabbing the towel (or is it just me that has a chilly bathroom?!). Sooner or later you get to the point where it's more uncomfortable to stay where you are than to get out and do something about it. Marriage is not quite like a bath because you can stay in it for life, but not if it's cold. Hey, you know, I rather like that one...

As for how you look, well, I can understand you not being happy with it right now if that's not how you're used to seeing yourself. I can only say that the "fat" you looks very nice to someone who hasn't seen you before, not gross at all, but the sort of curves that any right-thinking man would surely want to put his arms around. By all means work at getting back to how you feel comfortable, but in the meanwhile don't worry about how other people see you because they are seeing someone nice. They don't know you may have looked even better at some other time, and why should it matter?

BadPuppy · 04/09/2007 11:18

Great post Annie.

Dior, you look lovely.

Dior · 04/09/2007 14:34

Message withdrawn

sallysparrow · 04/09/2007 20:44

Hiya - Im back - have been for a while, but have had terrible probs with the computer since P installed new security software. No doubt I will have more trouible soon when I try to get my own internet provider installed.

Anyway, never mind about that! Dior, have been trying to catch up with things. Sorry I missed you when you were in Devon.

I can quite understand why you still feel undecided. The more I think about it, the more I think Ive been in a similar situation for years, but wouldnt admit it to myself. I just kept making allowances for what was pretty antisocial behaviour really. I just wouldnt want to say I wish id ended it years ago, because DD wouldnt be here.

You look great in your pics, youre obviously a great Mum and a fun person to be with. Like the others say, there will probably come a time when you will just know what the right thing to do is - H will do something that makes you know what to do. That was what happened with us. And now I think back to many situations when I should have just siad Im out of here.

Getting a bit tense myself now - P should be moving next week - or at least he should get his flat, no doubt the actual moving process will take a looong time, as he has not started any packing!

Keep posting - it will make things easier in the long run. I wish id had su[pport like this in the past, I might have done things differently, who knows?

Dior · 05/09/2007 19:20

Message withdrawn

lou33 · 05/09/2007 19:38

god dior, he's a shit really

he may have his good points but he is a shit to you

and he knows he is getting away with it

Dior · 05/09/2007 19:42

Message withdrawn

Dior · 05/09/2007 19:43

Message withdrawn

Dior · 05/09/2007 19:44

Message withdrawn

sallysparrow · 05/09/2007 19:50

Woah Dior - thats a bit much! How can he have the cheek to say that to you? Either he's really trying to push you as far as he can, or he is even more out of touch with his own feelings than we thought.

Do you ever discuss the size of his dick of an evening?

Maybe now's the time to start

And yes, this is dragging on so much I sometimes forget he's supposed to be leaving. Im sure DD has!

I did say today that perhaps it was time for him to get some boxes and start packing. (He can get really sturdy ones from work).

I will be watching very carefully when he sorts the books, DVDs and CDs. In fact ive already put his DVDs on separate shelves!

Dior · 05/09/2007 19:52

Message withdrawn

lou33 · 05/09/2007 19:56

how far are you going to let himpush you?

Dior · 05/09/2007 19:58

Message withdrawn

lou33 · 05/09/2007 20:00

of course he will but you know , and so do we, that its bullshit, and he is just playing mind games with you

do you want to end it, deep down, honestly?

Dior · 05/09/2007 20:01

Message withdrawn

Dior · 05/09/2007 20:02

Message withdrawn

sallysparrow · 05/09/2007 20:07

XP said he would never leave, but when he had to think about it seriously, he did admit it was the only thing to do. They have to in the end.

If he takes it to court it costs a fortune, so not worth it unless he really wants you and DS to suffer. Any sensible solicitor will tell him to keep it amicable.

And they also know all about the legal rights of the child.

lou33 · 05/09/2007 20:08

but you are carrying on like this

lou33 · 05/09/2007 20:08

yeh my exh tried to get me to go but he eventually went

sallysparrow · 05/09/2007 20:08

You shouldnt have to move, because DS needs as little disruption as possible, eg to stay in familiar surroundings, same school etc.

Swipe left for the next trending thread