The next stage of my life WILL be better...

[Dumbledior]

New thread for me to moan...

dior, money-wise you always cope. you might have to go without some things. i have to but dd doesn't and that's what matters most to me.

being totally totally frank, it's the least valid reason for staying in a situation that is clearly making you so very unhappy.

you've become so used to your H controlling things/you/life etc, that you're struggling to take back that control. that's why you're waiting for him to make the decision.

in fact, he's already offered to make that decision with his threat that made you go on holiday. things is, you went on holiday so that makes me think you're not ready to separate regardless of who makes the first move.

OTOH, are you able to put thoughts of breaking up aside and build a future with this man?

i feel very much for you as you do seem to be between a rock and a hard place. it must be tremendously hard to be in that situation but one way or another, you've got to jump sometime.

ps: you're gorgeous and I would do a CashNCarry on your H's arse if I could.

i think dior wants to split, but he has made her think she wont cope

of course she would

Hi, I'm nosy too and looked at the photo and you are indeed gorgeous no two ways about it. I reckon your husband is jealous of this and is trying to put you down because deep down he probably knows you are too good for him.

I've recommended this book once already this weekend but can I suggest you get a copy of "The verbally abusive relationship" by Patricia Evans - you can get it on Amazon. She's also got a website www.verbalabuse.com/indexmain.shtml .

To quote from it -

"Controlling People: Controllers use verbal abuse to subtly undermine their victim's perceptions, to manipulate them into doing what they want, to foster dependency, to isolate them from truth, from outside contact and even from their own children. They may withhold information while lying to their victim.. Controllers create confusion, emotional pain and mental anguish, while periodically "rescuing" their victim by seeming to offer the balm of love that alleviates the victim's pain drawing the victim ever closer. Controllers gain and maintain power over people while often presenting a perfect persona to the world."

It is such a good book. My mum was verbally abusive to me - always putting me down but I was never able to name what was going on until I got a copy of this, I just thought I needed to find a better way of communicating with her to get her to understand me. Basically people who behave in this manner do it because it's the only way they can feel good about themselves, so whilst you are around them they will always try to put you down to be one up. If you want an insight into why your husband treats you the way he does, this is it. You don't deserve any of it.

i have to say i do understand where dior is coming from tho, as my exh was exactly the same

it took many years for me to actually make the break once i had decided our marriage was over

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then surely it goes to show you that the problem is with him and not you, and that whatever size you are , he will not be happy?

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i agree with lou

the problem is his own self esteem, if you have been lots of different sizes and the problem was still there then your size is not the problem,

i know how you feel about your weight as i feel the same (i am bigger!!) but i know that if i am slimmer i feel so much better and so much more confident....
abd maybe it is the confidence you need to make the jump and leave him.....

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lovely day? is he in a different town to me?

its sunday, you are just back from holiday, you need chill out time.

He is an arse.

You look after yourself and DS and leave him to it.

Are you free this week? When does M go back to school?

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Right then mrs....

17th sept.

1pm

you decide where

I will be coming in from felixstowe by then so we need to book in advance lol

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bump - growing - too much! all belly, look like im ready to drop already and still got 12 weeks left!!

Will see you then, take care ok, think of you often x

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just stop seeing his pov all the time and start thnking of your own

you have considered his needs way and beyond reasonable limits and it isnt working

time for you now

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OMFG dior you are a beautiful lady, and so effing what if you have gained a bit of weight.he is a complete todge bag for making you feel so inadequate.You need to be happy in yourself and you never will be with him making you feel like shite, nut you do whatever you need to do to keep your head above the water hun x x x

but not nut.....sorry

Dior, do you ever get angry about the way he treats you? Not the sort of festering angry resentment that keeps you in the same place but righteous "How dare he treat me like that when he's my husband and he's supposed to love and respect me not hurt me continuously" kind.

The way he's behaving is not reasonable in fact it's the very opposite of reasonable it's cruel and it's bullying. I reckon you need to get angry on your own behalf then maybe it will help give you the energy and strength to make the changes you need so you can get on with your own life without this git (sorry to say that about your dh but that is what he is) dragging you down and spoiling your life and that of your ds, because he will be aware of how unhappy you are.

dior is too hurt to get angry

i do understand how hard it is love, honestly, but you do have loads of other people telling you objectively that the fault is with him not you, so that should help

i wasnt really on mn much at the time i was going through your situation, so felt quite isolated

please remember when he is making you doubt yourself , that we dont believe his crap for one minute, and we cant all be wrong