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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My boyfriend is jealous of my friends

123 replies

Hgxo · 20/04/2019 21:27

So I have been with my bf for nearly a year, have generally got on very well as we have a connection and both have the same sense of humour.
Around one month into the relationship he began to show signs of jealousy towards my female friends, as he said they were not good for me. He has stopped me seeing my friends on several occasions and reacted badly if I did, would not talk to me for a while. I don’t understand the issues he has with my friends as I never get into trouble, and if I were to meet them would just be at eachothers house. Not sure what to do about it all as I feel as though he is going to leave me due to me having friends. He said he wants me to himself but I need other women to talk to about girly things. Really want our relationship to work as I genuinely love him. Any advice on how to deal with this situation and resolve arguments between us? He is a lovely genuine man he just has trust issues with my friends.

OP posts:
SimonJT · 20/04/2019 21:29

I put up with this for almost two years, I have two words, get rid!

Farmerswifey12 · 20/04/2019 21:33

Your boyfriend is an arse

Farmerswifey12 · 20/04/2019 21:34

Argh posted before I had finished! He sounds very controlling. Why would he have trust issues with your friends?

Quartz2208 · 20/04/2019 21:35

He has trust issues with you OP huge red flag

Graphista · 20/04/2019 21:35

He is NOT lovely this is classic controlling abusive behaviour and it's very worrying it's happening so early on in the relationship.

Run!

Get rid of him immediately.

This is NOT normal or acceptable behaviour.

What you are feeling isn't love, it's infatuation. You're still in the rose tinted glasses stage biochemically speaking.

Love isn't about only ever spending time with that person that is neither healthy nor normal.

You could even consider doing a Claire's law check I think it highly likely you'll find this guy has a history of abusive when stalking behaviour.

Get the hell away from him now!

Potplant · 20/04/2019 21:37

Isolating you from your friends is step one in the absuers handbook. Bet he's not keen on your family either.

Reddest of red flags.

Bluntness100 · 20/04/2019 21:37

Run for the hills now. As fast as you can. Your future self will fall to your knees and thank you.

This man is trying to isolate you and control you

Get out fast. Because when he succeeds, it's going to get very bad indeed.

MrsBobDylan · 20/04/2019 21:42

Leave him then try to work out what made you stay for a year with a man who wants to isolate you from the world.

HyHyHyena · 20/04/2019 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ribbonsonabox · 20/04/2019 21:46

Massive red flag for abuse. He doesnt want you to see your friends because he doesnt want you to hear any narrative or point of view but his own... usually so that when he starts being even more controlling and shitty, you will have no one telling you what a shit he is. It will also make you even more dependant on him if he can get rid of your friends... men like this want your entire life to be about them and a reflection of their needs.
Run for the hills now.

Ploppymoodypants · 20/04/2019 21:50

I am afraid I agree with all the above. Big red flag.
Will start with friends, then will be sister or cousin and then he will find a problem with your mum or dad or granny. It’s the drip drip, or boiling frog analogy I am afraid.

gamerchick · 20/04/2019 21:52

You need to dump him. This won't get better and eventually you will leave.

Do not get pregnant to this man.

Ploppymoodypants · 20/04/2019 21:52

Also the passive aggressive sucking / not talking to you is another big red flag. That’s not how a healthy relationship resolves conflict.
He is using the sulking as a punishment to get you to behave how he wants.
All relationships have some conflict sometimes, but healthy ones don’t punish their partners with passive aggressive sulking (or actual aggression).

Ploppymoodypants · 20/04/2019 21:54

Yes and whatever you do don’t have children. Because you will at some point see the light, and if you have children you will
A) be stuck with him in your life forever
B) be stuck in the relationship, because if you leave, you know he will treat the children the same on his contact time, and as a mother this is will break your heart

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 20/04/2019 21:57

He's not a lovely man. He's being nice at the moment, while he's trying to distance you from your support network. Once he feels that you have no one left to turn to he will probably become a lot less lovely.

SleepingSloth · 20/04/2019 21:58

Sorry but he's not a lovely, genuine man. He is controlling and I guarantee that if you choose to be with this man, he will get worse and isolate you from everyone.

It's not lovely that he wants you all to himself, it's weird. People need more than one person in their lives.

He's stopped you seeing friends already and stops speaking to you if you disobey him. Seriously, get rid.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 20/04/2019 21:58

I hope that you're on the pill or some sort of long-term birth control that can't be readily sabotaged. That's the way these things tend to go....

Moomoomoomoomoo · 20/04/2019 22:05

This is abusive, controlling and manipulative behaviour.

He is trying to isolate you from your friends!

Massive red flag. He is not lovely, he is far from lovely. This is not normal loving, behaviour.

Run, now.

WatchingFromTheWings · 20/04/2019 22:11

My ExH was the same. He started with my friends. Then it was my family. Then he tried to stop me going back to work after I had our second DC. He tried to get me completely isolated. I insisted I went back to work (but he controlled my money).

I eventually left him and got back on track with family (though now nc with them of my own accord). I was never able to salvage the lost friendships though.

Get rid ASAP. This man is NOT nice. It WILL get worse.

GemJR · 20/04/2019 22:11

He doesn't have trust issues, he is manipulating you.
Classic first step is isolating you from friends
Next it will be your family so you have no where to turn

PinkiOcelot · 20/04/2019 22:12

Read your post back OP. He’s not a lovely man at all. He’s isolating you from your friends. It’ll be your family next. He’s an arse hole. Get rid of him.

BertrandRussell · 20/04/2019 22:15

Dump.

Moomoomoomoomoo · 20/04/2019 22:16

I feel as though he is going to leave me due to me having friends

Read this sentence. Can you see how ridiculous this is? You have friends, everyone should have friends! It’s normal! Does he?

morallowground · 20/04/2019 22:19

Just reading your title screams out red flag 🚩
He’s only going to get worst. Love yourself more than you love him and get rid.
Anyone who wants you to give up part of who you are to be with them doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved.

seeingdots · 20/04/2019 22:23

Cut and run! As PPs have said, he's not a lovely guy, he's controlling and this is just the start of his domestic abuse.

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