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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My boyfriend is jealous of my friends

123 replies

Hgxo · 20/04/2019 21:27

So I have been with my bf for nearly a year, have generally got on very well as we have a connection and both have the same sense of humour.
Around one month into the relationship he began to show signs of jealousy towards my female friends, as he said they were not good for me. He has stopped me seeing my friends on several occasions and reacted badly if I did, would not talk to me for a while. I don’t understand the issues he has with my friends as I never get into trouble, and if I were to meet them would just be at eachothers house. Not sure what to do about it all as I feel as though he is going to leave me due to me having friends. He said he wants me to himself but I need other women to talk to about girly things. Really want our relationship to work as I genuinely love him. Any advice on how to deal with this situation and resolve arguments between us? He is a lovely genuine man he just has trust issues with my friends.

OP posts:

Honeyroar · 21/04/2019 07:34

But why would seeing your friends mean that you’d leave him? It doesn’t make sense, does it. And why doesn’t he believe or trust you when you try to discuss it? That’s not right either, is it. He’s doing it to isolate you. (and anyway, this behaviour is what would-should make you leave).

Bananalanacake · 21/04/2019 07:37

as you don't live together he doesn't need to know. just go out when you want and don't bother telling him.

ElspethFlashman · 21/04/2019 07:40

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Your friendships mustn't be worth much to you if you have actually stopped seeing them in the past because of some bloke.

harrypotterfan1604 · 21/04/2019 07:44

Get out now!

CostanzaG · 21/04/2019 07:44

Another one saying leave. This is a huge red flag. He is not a nice or genuine man he is controlling and abusive. It will escalate believe me......

PositiveVibez · 21/04/2019 07:44

He doesn't want you to stop seeing your friends cos he is so sweet and wants you to himself.

He wants you to stop seeing your friends because he wants to control you.

He is an abuser and this is the start of his journey of abuse towards you.

He is not a nice guy. He's a twat.

As a pp said, first your friends, then your family, then your job, then your phone etc etc.

Get out of this 'relationship' ASAP.

Shoxfordian · 21/04/2019 07:47

He's trying to isolate you
Don't put up with it op
Ltb

Original poster

Hgxo · 21/04/2019 07:49

Thank you all for the advice😊

OP posts:

Moomoomoomoomoo · 21/04/2019 07:51

Hgxo so what are you going to do? Are you taking any of this on board? You don’t have to reply to every individual person on here.

pinkyredrose · 21/04/2019 07:55

He's the opposite of a 'lovely genuine' man! Why do you love him? Don't tell me, he's amazing in every other way but this? Yeah I bet he's great when you do what he wants. He doesn't sound lovely to me, he sounds like an insecure dullard.

pictish · 21/04/2019 08:06

Yes he's motivated by love. Sure. Because when we love someone we go into battle with their friends and make sure we get rid of them...lest they detract from all the love.

differentnameforthis · 21/04/2019 08:16

He isn't jealous. He doesn't have trust issues. He isn't lovely.

He is trying to isolate you. It starts with friends, and will go on to family. When you have no one left, and he "has you to himself" you have no where to run.

My advice is to leave. Only controlling and abusive men try to isolate women.

differentnameforthis · 21/04/2019 08:23

It's 2019 and you would tolerate a man you've known for less than a year choosing who you can see? Op isn't sure what to think. She doesn't see it as abuse, many wouldn't. Your post isn't helpful.

@Tucobenedicto - Don't you hate when the op posts a thread then doesn't reply to everyone's opinions.... No. Because I understand the op doesn't own me a reply. I offer advise for the op to read, not for her to feel obliged to update me about her every moment.

Aside from that, she posted 2 hours ago, you have no idea what she is doing. Perhaps her controlling boyfriend discovered her posting here? It's not on to badger anyone in to replying to your posts.

Dvg · 21/04/2019 08:24

RED FLAGS are everywhere!!!!!! Controlling.

OurChristmasMiracle · 21/04/2019 08:26

He is isolating you from your friends. It’s a way of control. Eventually this will escalate. Eventually you won’t be able to see family or go to work because he wants you all to himself.

Please get out now.

category12 · 21/04/2019 08:28

If you're not going to take advice to leave, which I doubt you are, then please stand up for yourself with him and refuse to allow him to dictate your friendships.

See them, phone them, go out with them. Talk about them. If he tries to guilt you, makes life difficult, uses the silent treatment etc, call out that behaviour every time and don't kowtow to it. Ever. Not once.

Noimaginationxyzz · 21/04/2019 08:36

differentnameforthis I disagree. I re-read what I wrote and I think that saying she has a right to appreciate that she has every right to feel happy and live her life as she chooses is helpful. Sometimes it's good to remember we can be empowered to make choices that are good for our happiness.

aposterhasnoname · 21/04/2019 08:39

I’m not sure I think he just doesn’t want me to do anything that means I would leave him

So he starts by pulling you away from friends. Next it’ll be wearing make up, or nice clothes as you might attract attention from other men and leave. After that it’ll be going out anywhere without him, even just to the shops. Then it’ll be work, you might meet men at work after all.

I’ve been there, and so have many others on this thread I bet. Listen to us, and RUN.

HazelBite · 21/04/2019 08:51

Right Op pretty unanimous reaction to your situation on here. I don't think you are ready to take this on board, but believe me all of the advice is good.
In the meantime just stand up for yourself "I will go out /see my friends" and do it!
I think you will grow to dislike him, I hope you will, because this behaviour from him is not normal, not a healthy reaction, to you socialising. There is something very sinister about this, please be very careful, he does not want a relationship on an equal footing with you.
Its his way or the highway and he will get his own way whatever way he can. He is not upset because when you go out he is missing you he is upset because you are not doing what he wants and obeying him.
Beware !!!

screamifyouwant · 21/04/2019 08:55

Just wanted to say agree with the posts on here . I really hope you will read and listen.
Please do not continue this relationship, he has serious issues and he is trying to control you it's not normal.

twattymctwatterson · 21/04/2019 09:34

Look at it this way op; if you love someone you want them to have a happy and fulfilled life. If you really care about someone's happiness you wouldn't want them to have no friends would you? As others have said, isolating a partner from friends is a textbook abuser technique. You have a choice right now; stay with him and allow this, guaranteed if you do the abuse will get more and more obvious until you're deeply unhappy, or cut your losses now.

TheFaerieQueene · 21/04/2019 09:45

I bet he wouldn’t like you to be using mumsnet either.

Lucked · 21/04/2019 09:54

I really want you to leave him but if you aren’t there yet please take on board what people are saying don’t let this slide or hide your friends or shrink your world to just him. Stand up to him and call him out on all his shifty manipulative behaviour. Don’t ever apologise for having a full life.

seven201 · 21/04/2019 09:55

Within one month of your relationship he started manipulating you. It's only going to get worse. In a few years you'll have no friends and only him. Run for the hills, now.
Out of interest have you told your friends he doesn't want you to see them? I'd be too embarrassed to tell mine, and you shouldn't ever be made to feel embarrassed by your partner.

Mummaofmytribe · 21/04/2019 09:57

I know it's a cliche,but this is a huge red flag. I wouldn't stay on this relationship. The coercive behaviour will move into other areas and you'll end up an isolated shell of yourself. I know that sounds dramatic but it's honestly how this story ends. Get out

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