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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband working away from home ..... feel heartbroken

148 replies

jumpyjan · 15/07/2007 11:37

Its a long story how we ended up in this situation but DH left last night to start new job away from home. He will be back for weekends and I know others have to go through much worse but I just feel heartbroken.

I miss him so much already. We are a very close couple and hate spending time apart. I know DD will be fine as only 6 months old but not sure I can spend all week without seeing him.

Currently can't afford to all relocate to where his job is so for the time being this is it, unless we live in small flat with a massive mortgage and put on hold any plans for another baby.

In tears all day yesterday and today. Do you think this is over the top? Does anyone else's DP work away from home - does it get better?

OP posts:

heifer · 15/07/2007 17:54

TaylorsMummy - do you have any RL friends?

cause you sure as hell aren't making many on MN!...

TaylorsMummy · 15/07/2007 17:57

heifer - yes,i do,thanks

i'm not bothered about making friends here,i have real friends.

mozhe - if your post was to me, i don't need to start a thread, i'm perfectly happy with my lot,i don't do the 'poor me,poor me' routine

peanutbear · 15/07/2007 18:00

Look I'm not being rude but your comments arent nice and you say you have no experience of this so why dont you just not open the thread if you think thats is so bad we miss our other halves

TaylorsMummy · 15/07/2007 18:04

well,i kind of do peanutbutter,cos my bf works long,long hours so i know how it feels.i just think it's an extreme overaction to claim to be 'heartbroken' some people appear to go into emotional meltdown when they don't have their dh around.i just worry what would become of these people if their partners left them? we all need to be a little bit independant surely if only as a kind of 'insurance policy' in case it all goes tits up?

heifer · 15/07/2007 18:07

so Taylormummy why are you even on MN - if you aren't asking for advice, and you sure as hell aren't giving any.

what are you getting from MN? I can't see what MN is getting from you, except nasty comments...

peanutbear · 15/07/2007 18:09

I agree to a point but we have both had relationships with children that have failed so have proably built up a defence sytem

jumpyjan would feel better if she had family and friends around her but she doesnt it isolating when you split up with someone 9times out of 10 you go back to family and friends well I did
when you live miles away from anyone where do you turn she came here as I do to talk to people

Now all I need is for mumsnet to babysit !!!

TaylorsMummy · 15/07/2007 18:10

i have asked for advice and given it on many other threads

and my advice on this thread was genuinely what i thought - stop moaning about your lot and get on with it!!

LittleLupin · 15/07/2007 18:10

Oh look, allgonebellyup and TaylorsMummy being "rebellious" again...

jumpyjan - I know what it's like, DH is in the Navy so often away, sometimes during the week, sometimes for months on end. Yes, you are right, there are others that have it harder, but that doesn't invalidate your feelings.

It is natural to miss your spouse! And especially if you haven't experienced it before.

My advice is get your our own routines sorted, think of the positives (sole ownership of the remote control!) and look forward to really great weekends together. IME it's the partner that is away from the children all week that often finds it hardest.

Chin up - it will get better.

moondog · 15/07/2007 18:11

I agree LL.My dh finds it harder than we do,without a doubt.

peanutbear · 15/07/2007 18:12

agree LL my Dh hate how fat the children grow up without him

peanutbear · 15/07/2007 18:13

sorry x posts

and I meant fast

heifer · 15/07/2007 18:13

how the hell is 'stop moaning and get on with it' advice!..

That could be the standard answer to all postings, as someone somewhere will be having a harder time that us, but for feck sake, the op is having a hard time, however trivial YOU may feel is it..

for the record, I would hate it if DH worked away, so I am very sympathic to your feelings, but as not in the same position don't have any advice to give... but have understanding instead....

StarryStarryNight · 15/07/2007 18:13

TaylorsMummy, how can you ask a mumsnetter who has just joined now, and who is just having to cope for the first time with her husband working away how she would cope if he left her??
That is the stupidest question I have heard in a long while.

LittleLupin · 15/07/2007 18:13

LOL peanutbear, have you been feeding them sausage rolls again... (great typo!)

peanutbear · 15/07/2007 18:15

No LL chocolate muffins my 9 yr old made nearly all by himself

Damn he raced me to the last one and won

mozhe · 15/07/2007 18:19

You are cross about your situation Taylormum...
Open up a thread and tell us why...
You will feel less cross I predict.

TaylorsMummy · 15/07/2007 18:20

not cross at all mozhe

mozhe · 15/07/2007 18:22

You sounded cross with O/P...
i have heard a few cross people in my time..

TaylorsMummy · 15/07/2007 18:23

i think she is being over dramatic,yes.

not cross with my situation tho

Cammelia · 15/07/2007 18:26

jumpyjan, I feel for you, I would hate it if my dh worked away from home. Mine has to stay the odd night away and we talk on the phone for ages even then.

I know lots of people who do it though (and my mother managed with 4 as an RAF wife) and they always seem to be super-organised compared to me.

I think its hard to be on your own with a little baby though, you don't have the routine of school for example.

I sincerely think if you don't want to do it you will have to move to be with him, I believe that is what I would do...

peanutbear · 15/07/2007 18:28

look I have 3 children 9 3 and just 1 and I am the most disorganised person alive you'll be fine

Come on here and talk if you need to or I an give you my email if you get bored

LittleLupin · 15/07/2007 18:29

Jumpyjan, where will he stay during the week? (have scanned thread, sorry if I missed it).

Could you and DD go up periodically midweek? Stay over on a wednesday night, for example, and then pottle round a museum or the zoo the next day... I know Devon is a long hack up, but maybe once a month on the train?

StarryStarryNight · 15/07/2007 18:30

TaylorMummy is just wanting to make all this about her, I suspect this is the reason why she appears to behave like a troll instead of offering advise. Maybe you could try an advise OP instead of calling her a drama queen TM?

GreengottsTheGoblinBank · 15/07/2007 18:32

TaylorsMummy, what on earth gives you the right to declare someone else's feelings invalid fgs? Who do you think you are?

I would miss my dh terribly if he wasn't here, jumpyjan. I would find it really difficult. Your reaction isn't OTT in my opinion - but you can do it, and it will get easier. MN helps!!

LittleLupin · 15/07/2007 18:33

Ignore TM, she is a "toaster" (troll-like regular poster )

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