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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I just need honest advice from anyone

154 replies

Lnka2 · 09/04/2019 11:58

My boyfriend in the first year of our relationship was sending and receiving naked pics from girls on Snapchat and then lying that it was a software error.

I later found out he was on these dating websites and escort websites and was even offering himself to be a male escort for money,

In the second year I found out he has been cheating on me with escorts over and over and he must have connected with one emotionally because he let one in his work place (as he was a career) and she later reported him for it, he got sacked because of that!

I still stayed with him and he is severely dyslexic so I helped him find a job as a bus driver. He then had to move to Chelmsford

I also later found out on his DBS that he got in trouble with the police for trying to chat up an underaged girl who was in her school uniform.

Soon his discharge from work due to letting a prostitute in will probably appear on the dbs

Later last year I caught messages on his phone trying to book a different prostitutes and even when I showed him the proof he STILL denied it and said someone had hacked his phone, I later found out he had been using another phone to do this! And it showed on I message.

We agreed I could keep the phone for a bit of reassurance that he isnt using it for these stuff

Not long after, the phone was missing,
He listened to me on the phone looking for the phone and crying and kept denying he took it, it took him two days to finally admit he took it, cruelty at its best.

After three years of being together I recently found out that he has been going on plenty of fish.

Aside all of these things he cannot tell the truth to save his life, he is constantly lying even when he doesn’t need to.

The first time he cheated I got so hurt and upset and wanted to hurt him so I went and cheated on him twice. And I sent him the audio recording so it could cut him deep. I know that was wrong but I am so bitter and resent him. I am the most loyal person ever but he hurt me sooo soo much he’s just done too many stuff and so I feel like I have changed into this careless person.

Recently I went to sleep at another guys house and wanked him off after me and my bf had an argument.

My bf found out and forgave me.

I still feel that he has done way more than me and both times I have cheated it has been out of pain and betrayal

But when he has cheated it has just been for no reason at all because I do have sex with him, so that means it’s just something he wants to do.

Cheating is wrong anyway I understand that.

We are still together but things are now falling apart

I have got a really good job in Bristol and my boyfriend agreed to move with me and put in a transfer with his bus company

But we argued last week so I left for a few days and when I came back all of a sudden he said he wanted space and he doesn’t want to go to Bristol anymore anymore

We talked a bit and he said he will only go once I get confirmation for my start date( it’s with hmrc and they recruit almost a year in advance ), the problem is that is that they not give start dates a month in advance and it is likely his transfer will take longer than that ( he knows this ). I feel like this is a way to get me to go and he will never come.

But the plan was to move there and start a new life

The past few days he has said he will go then when we argue all of a sudden he says he doesn’t want to, he first said it’s cause he’s settled in and it took him a lot of hard work to learn to be a bus driver due to his learning disability. ( even though he’s got a transfer with the same company). Then he said it’s risky cause we are not stable, but I’m taking the same risk tho. Just excuses excuses.

First he said he hasn’t cancelled his transfer, then later he said he had. I have anxiety and this lying just puts me on edge, he knows this.

I have made him understand that if he doesn’t come with me in July this relationship is over because I have invested so much time in him supported him in uni because he didn’t even know he was severely dyslexic and was ignoring the signs, he couldn’t finish uni but that first year I did most of his assignments along side my own for uni.

Every job he has ever gotten I have helped him prepare for the interview and taken tests for him, he knows how hard I have worked throughout uni and I finally got a job above 31 k related to what I Studied in uni so now it’s his turn to support me.

I am not doing no long distance I feel I deserve bette than that from him after everything I have done for him.

I feel so hurt and i know that this relationship has gotten so bad but I don’t want to give up.

OP posts:
PutyourtoponTrevor · 09/04/2019 20:49

Lol, what a total load of shit

Lnka2 · 09/04/2019 21:07

Wow that was quick, just received an email from him saying I should come back and he has cooked food and he’s sorry 😂🤣

OP posts:
QueenBeex · 09/04/2019 21:12

Right well block his email address then. Block his number. Tell your parents if he turns up you want them to tell him you're not coming down to see him and close the door.
You're both way too immature for this relationship. Neither of you seem to take responsibility, it's basically point scoring. No good will ever come out of your relationship.

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2019 21:24

God op, are you all happy about that too?

ihatethecold · 09/04/2019 22:38
Hmm

There’s no way this is real.
Although I am wondering if the op may have a different cultural background?

springydaff · 09/04/2019 22:42

There's a good CoDA meeting in Bristol.

Go! You'll find your people x

DeeCeeCherry · 10/04/2019 00:42

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springydaff · 10/04/2019 09:09

Unkind, DeeCee.

DeeCeeCherry · 10/04/2019 19:15

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springydaff · 10/04/2019 19:33

Except op has explained the schoolgirl was wearing a coat and he didn't see the uniform.

Lnka2 · 10/04/2019 19:51

SpringyDaff There is literally no need to even waste your breath tbh
I have gotten the advice that I need and I’m quite happy actually so what else is there left to do. Booked in for counselling on Friday already which was even prior to me posting this.
Thanks again for all the help guys.

OP posts:
Lnka2 · 10/04/2019 19:53

At the end of the day I already knew I had to leave him but was just hoping there was at least some hope, clearly there isn’t, yiu guys are just confirming what deep down I actually feel and the zillion second opinions I got just made it easier for me to leave.

Judging me? I literally couldn’t give to shits🤷🏾‍♀️

OP posts:
Lnka2 · 10/04/2019 19:53

Two *

OP posts:
Tweety1981 · 10/04/2019 19:55

Toxic . Dump him

DeeCeeCherry · 10/04/2019 19:56

Oh she was wearing a coat. Thats alright then🙄

Closetbeanmuncher · 10/04/2019 20:04

School girls have school girl faces though uniform or no uniform, if they are attracted to a 16 year old they would also be attracted to a 15 year old.

Make sure you stay away this time op, he's a sex addict and borderline if not fully fledged paedophile.

Please tell me you've cancelled the "relationship counselling" and you mean counselling for you.

This guy really is scraping the bottom of the barrel and then some.

Lnka2 · 10/04/2019 23:16

Thanks

Yes I mean counselling just for me

OP posts:
ogidni · 11/04/2019 01:07

Do not begin relationship counselling with this absolute arsehole. Ditch him. Move to Bristol, make sure he cannot contact you and then have counselling BY YOURSELF for as long as it takes until you feel ready for a healthy relationship. Please do not stay with this man.

hellsbellsmelons · 11/04/2019 08:27

Well done OP.
You are right as well. Anyone can fall into an EA relationship.
In fact lots of these men target strong women to break them down.
Stay strong.
I hope the counselling helps you see that you are worth so much more than this.
Please also contact Womens Aid and enrole to do their Freedom Programme. It will help you set your own boundaries and avoid abusive assholes like this in future.
You got this!!!

Lnka2 · 11/04/2019 08:56

Thanks hellsbellsmelons
God Bless

OP posts:
dangerrabbit · 11/04/2019 09:22

Glad to hear you have booked some counselling for yourself as I think this will be helpful in the long run.

Closetbeanmuncher · 12/04/2019 20:54

Good luck with everything op, you're well rid. Onwards and upwards 🦋

Lnka2 · 12/04/2019 22:12

He’s just sent this

I just need honest advice from anyone
OP posts:
Lnka2 · 12/04/2019 22:13

I can’t block his email

OP posts: